growing up.. rambling

[Crankin]

It's a hard call. We told our kids we would pay for their college, no matter what. DS #1 was accepted at 5 small liberal arts colleges and U Mass. He chose to go to one of the liberal arts schools. DH could not say no... was so proud of him. We took out a 30K loan from the state for the 1st year, just to be safe. In the summer between 1st and 2nd yr. DH had pen in hand (not kidding here) to write the check for the fall semester tuition for yr. 2. He jokingly said, "I hope you like it, because this is *** expensive." And DS replied, "Actually, I hate it. I was too embarrassed to tell you, but I want to go to U Mass." Inside, I was secretly jumping for joy, because it meant no more loans. Since it was too late for DS to transfer for the fall, he went back out to western MA (the first school was in the same town as U Mass), rented a room from the friend of one of my friends, got 2 part time jobs, and took 2 classes at night school, until January. We paid off the loan and the rest of his education was paid for by me, from my paycheck. He worked part time during the rest of his college; we expected him to pay for all of his entertainment, gas, etc. During the summers he was a barista and painted houses for 2 summers. None of his friends did any such manual labor. We bought him a small car, put it in his name, so he could establish credit. So, we set him up to be able to take an entry level job when he graduated, debt free, but I have to say he worked more than any of his other friends. Four days after he graduated he moved into his first apartment, started work and has never moved back home.
We gave DS #2 the same deal, but after one year at U of A (where he started as a sophomore), enlisted in the Marines. He said his life had been "too easy," and he wanted to do something really hard. So, my college obligation ended after 5 years, instead of 8.
I know some people that tell their kids they have to pay for their own education, even when they have the $ to pay for college. I couldn't do that. I tried to find the happy medium, where my kids had to work, know the value of $, but not have to worry about their tuition, because they knew we were committed to their education.

[roadie gal]

Great discussion!

I was never a kid, until my 30s. I had a very difficult younger life and had to take responsibility for my younger siblings (as well as my parents) as a child. I went to college and med school as a way to get out of the house and to be responsible for myself. Finally, in my late 20s I had enough time and money to "be a kid".

For a while I did the rock climbing, etc. high risk sports. But a few years ago I realized that it wasn't for me. I was doing a lot of stuff because I could and not because I loved it. I'm more comfortable being active in a "lower risk" way. My decision wasn't based on anyone else's perception but on MY comfort level.

Now I lead a deliberately boring life: a house, a job, 2 dogs, 2 cats and a long term SO. And I LOVE it.

I think that people should be allowed to do what makes them happy as long as they're taking responsibility for themselves and not putting anyone else at risk. That includes people who are dependent on them, such as their spouses, children, etc.

I know a lot of people who do extreme skiing, climbing, and river rafting. When I talk to them I don't think, "Wow, I'm missing some great stuff". I think, "I'm so glad I'm not stressing myself out doing that anymore. I'm glad they're happy."