growing up.. rambling

[Becky]

Well said, Indy.

I think that kids are adorable (usually), but there's a limit to my stress management abilities and patience, combined with the requirements of my own healthcare.

I just wish that people would stop asking me about it. *sighs*

[GLC1968]

See, and I grew up in a very, very happy home, had both parents to love and look after me, I played with babydolls as a child, and yet as I approached adulthood, I just didn't want kids.

In my case, it's not a fear of being a good parent (I think I'd make an exellent one, actually - and I handle stress remarkably well), it's just that I never felt any desire to raise my own children. And I know it's practically a sin to admit it, but I don't really like kids. Hell, I didn't like kids even when I WAS a kid! I do feel like I missed out on something having never experienced pregnancy, but I'm not a fool to think I could be pregnant and then not raise children. I'm pretty sure one follows the other!

Then I married a man who also didn't want kids, and my fate was kind of sealed.

Of course, now as I approach my 43rd birthday, I find myself thinking 'what if' quite a bit more than I had expected...

[limewave]

I do feel like I missed out on something having never experienced pregnancy, but I'm not a fool to think I could be pregnant and then not raise children.

You didn't miss a thing. Trust me. Just back aches, cracked ribs (from the baby pushing on them), roller coaster mood swings, getting up to pee 5 times a night, feeling like your body has been invaded by aliens, and, of course, the grand finale----youch. I HATED being pregnant.

[badger]

GLC, I admit I don't like kids, either, especially babies. All they seem to do is wiggle, sleep, pee/poo/barf, cry, and just pretty much suck everything out of the mother (sorry, no offense to those who have babies!) Kids around 7 years of age get fun, though, as they start to ask good questions.

I have a co-worker who is a month older than me and is pregnant with her first child due in May. She's admitted that she didn't want kids but her husband does, so she's essentially doing this "for him". I do hope she'll fall in love with the child or she's going to grow up feeling she wasn't really wanted. My mother had kids because that was expected of her. If she was my peer, she wouldn't have had kids, and let's just say I felt the resentment while growing up.

My boyfriend is much like me and very ambivalent about having kids. I would think if he was hankering to be a dad, then I'll probably be on board as well, but with him like me, there really is no burning desire.

My mother's pretty good, she's only mentioned it once about my not having kids. She said I should, because when I'm older, it'll be lonely without them. Just because I have a child/ren doesn't mean they'll like me (and vice versa) enough to stick around in my old age!!

[GLC1968]

Badger - funny you should say that about your mom not really wanting kids. And Indysteel's not wanting to be parents.

My situation was similiar. My mom had no desire to be a parent, either. In fact, she also only did it because it was expected of her and I know there were plenty of times in her life where she seriously regretted not doing some of the things she'd originally set out to do. I know that she loved us, and that she was happy to have us and she was a good parent (both of my parents were), but motherhood was not her first choice and I think that was pretty clear to me as a child. I think this is a big contributor to my own lack of desire to have children.

Well, that and my general affection for solitude.

[OakLeaf]

I could almost have written everything you said, indysteel.

With the exception that right now I'm really not giving my time back, either. I'm not happy about that. I'm hoping to work something out here in the next few months where I'll be able to do some volunteering. Being useful is where I feel a huge hole in my life ... I don't miss not having children. There was a time when I thought I might have children, but it would've been the wrong decision for the hypothetical children, even more than for myself.

[indysteel]

What I'm REALLY struggling with right now is the fact that I am extremely unhappy with the volunteering I'm doing. I believe in the cause, but serving on a board has been far less than gratifying, especially since I think the organization of the NFP in question is seriously lacking. I find myself incredibly angry and frustrated with it. So, I'm trying to decide on when to jump ship. My original 3-year term is over in April, and it may be the best time for me to resign--if I can even last that long.

From there, I'll need to find something else to do. I'd prefer to align myself with an NFP where I now live. That might be a good way for me to meet some locals, too. That's something I've struggled to do. It would be a win-win if I could help somebody and make a friend.

[indysteel]

Well said, Indy.

I think that kids are adorable (usually), but there's a limit to my stress management abilities and patience, combined with the requirements of my own healthcare.

I just wish that people would stop asking me about it. *sighs*

Thanks, and agreed. When I was still sort of on the fence about it, I really hated when people would just dismiss any concern on my part about my advancing age. Apparently, they think because a few celebrities get pregnant after the age of 40, then it's simply a non-issue. Ugh. I really don't feel like having to explain the ins and outs of fertility, the costs of in vitro, the side effects of fertility drugs, birth defects or the like. Nor do I want to explain why I don't want to put my body through a pregnancy at this age. The bottom line is that the decision to have or not have kids is intensely personal. It's rare that I ever offer any opinion about it other than my own.

I feel most sorry for my DH because he's younger than me, and I'm sure most of his friends and family expect him to have kids. Of course, they probably scratched their heads when he married me in the first place. His parents haven't pressed us yet. I'm happy to have a conversation with them about it. In fact I'd prefer that to any kind of passive-aggressive nonsense. I can't precisely predict how they'll react. They were actually pretty cool about our age difference, but I also know that their retirement is the absolute antithesis of what I want my own to look like, so I'm not sure they're going to really appreciate the plus side of being childless either.

For better or for worse, my parents couldn't care less. They've expressed no desire to grandparent. Heck, they barely expressed a desire to parent, so this comes as no surprise.