growing up.. rambling

[Eden]

So what.... if someone doesn't want to conform to another person's idea of what it means to be "grown up"... You don't have to like everyone - let them be little boys/girls forever if they want to be.

[bcipam]

Funny... just recently my friends and I were sitting around and talking about the fact kids, really young adults, are refusing to grow up and become responsible. Really its not so attractive to find 40 year old people who want to act and be like 18 year olds. It's down right creepy if you ask me.

I think since the 80's when parents wanted to be hip themselves and much rather be their kids friends than parents, we have allowed kids to be indulged much too much - anything than wanted they got; nothing was earned; every desire was granted; nothing was appreciated. Now we have several generations of adults who don't know how to deny themselves and when they dont get what they want, become depressed and angry about it just like any 2 year old. Think about it? Is that really desirable and attractive?.

Hey I'm 60 - I act young at times but with that sense of playfulness also comes with a big sense of responsibilty and being an adult. BTW any married person with young children who engages in high risk sports is to me, an idiot. That person thinks so little of his/her family that for a little bit of pleasure they are willing to risk the families viability. Stupid, just stupid.

[tulip]

BTW any married person with young children who engages in high risk sports is to me, an idiot. That person thinks so little of his/her family that for a little bit of pleasure they are willing to risk the families viability. Stupid, just stupid.

Or who drives...

[indysteel]

Or who drives...

or rides a bike.

Honestly, I'm hesitant to make TOO many generalizations when it comes to this topic. It's posssible to be a responsible ski instructor and to be an extremely irresponsible Wall Street banker or school board member. There are a lot of variables that go into how productive, mature and responsible we are as people.

[rubywagon]

BTW any married person with young children who engages in high risk sports is to me, an idiot. That person thinks so little of his/her family that for a little bit of pleasure they are willing to risk the families viability. Stupid, just stupid.

I am not sure how to reply to this, but I think you just called me an idiot. And stupid.

[bcipam]

I am not sure how to reply to this, but I think you just called me an idiot. And stupid.

Sorry I don't know you - are you a professional skydriver? Or Bungee Jumper? or Motocross rider? I did say high risk - I don't consider bicycling a HIGH risk sport...

that said if you have a husband and small children then yes I think it foolish you risk your life for pleasure... just my opinion.

edited to add: If you engage in sports such as free riding--- mountain biking off cliff faces, then I would consider that high risk.

[rubywagon]

Ha. Okay.

[Crankin]

The whole article just reeks of ageism. It made me bristle. If someone wants to be an immature, risk taker, who cares? I've known people like this (men and women) and as long as they don't affect anyone else, it doesn't bother me.
I think, generally, if you lead a lifestyle that is any little bit non-conventional, many people think you are immature or just plain weird. I may have the house in a nice suburb, etc., but I did it all in a somewhat unconventional way. I got married after knowing my DH for 6 months, I've had lots of jobs, and we moved across the country, giving up 2 good jobs and a beautiful house because we wanted our kids to have a certain lifestyle/cultural values. Did people have trouble with this? Oh yeah. And DH being a house husband while I worked? Not too common in 1982/3.
You know, people didn't think it was weird when I spent all my time at the gym, teaching aerobics. Or, when DH and DS started riding. But, when I started riding and all the other stuff I do, that was weird.

[mudmucker]

I think, generally, if you lead a lifestyle that is any little bit non-conventional, many people think you are immature or just plain weird. I may have the house in a nice suburb, etc., but I did it all in a somewhat unconventional way. I got married after knowing my DH for 6 months, I've had lots of jobs, and we moved across the country, giving up 2 good jobs and a beautiful house because we wanted our kids to have a certain lifestyle/cultural values. Did people have trouble with this? Oh yeah. And DH being a house husband while I worked? Not too common in 1982/3.
You know, people didn't think it was weird when I spent all my time at the gym, teaching aerobics. Or, when DH and DS started riding. But, when I started riding and all the other stuff I do, that was weird.

I disagree about the leading a lifestyle/little bit non-conventional part and people thinking you are immature or weird. It's relative to our experiences and exposures for sure. I grew up in Western MA where my exposure to lifestyle options and choices span the gamut and not viewed unfavorably. What you consider to have done in a non-conventional way would be viewed as quite conventional and even main-stream based on my point of view and what I've seen around me in my younger years. And we are not far off in ages. Really, none of it is really that weird or unconventional at all.

[emily_in_nc]

I think, generally, if you lead a lifestyle that is any little bit non-conventional, many people think you are immature or just plain weird. I may have the house in a nice suburb, etc., but I did it all in a somewhat unconventional way. I got married after knowing my DH for 6 months, I've had lots of jobs, and we moved across the country, giving up 2 good jobs and a beautiful house because we wanted our kids to have a certain lifestyle/cultural values. Did people have trouble with this? Oh yeah. And DH being a house husband while I worked? Not too common in 1982/3.

Yes, that's true, and it cuts across all age lines, really. My brother is in his mid 40s, a surfer, artist, and comic store owner. He's intelligent, funny as h-e-l-l, and culturally aware. He's also single (one early marriage) with no kids. He would LOVE to fall in love and be in a committed relationship again, but women he meets in their 30s and 40s find him too unconventional and too poor. I'm sure some would call him immature simply because of the life he lives and because he dresses like a surfer/skater instead of a middle-aged man. They want more conventional men who drive nicer cars and bring home steadier paychecks. And he has a hard time relating intellectually to the women in their 20s who do find him and his alternative lifestyle exciting. I worry that he'll never find love again because of the disconnect between his lifestyle and age. It's too bad because he's no selfish Peter Pan. He surfs for the love of it and the exilaration it brings him, not to have a "cut" body. I know he's lonely, though.

And I too know that people think my DH and I are weird, especially because we live in the conservative/traditional southeast. We don't have children. He's a house-husband (after getting laid off in the telecom bust), I support him. He volunteers for Habitat and takes care of our dog, does the shopping, etc. We moved from our nice house in the country to a small apartment and sold one of our two cars, so my DH gets around by foot, bike, and bus. I drive as little as possible, and we walk or take the bus places most people of our ages and income would only drive. We've moved a lot, including two moves out of and back to NC, leaving and coming back to the same jobs! And now we're trumping all our previous adventures by buying a condo in Belize.

But you know, the older I get, the more I relish being different! People can think what they want to, but I love not living a "typical" upper-middle class existence in the suburbs, keeping up a lawn, and spending the weekends maintaining the yard. Been there, done that, don't miss it a bit. I'd much rather be out riding my bike or walking somewhere. I love not feeling any compunction to "keep up with the Joneses", as I did in my 20s and 30s. If there's one really good thing about aging, it's just this. Being comfortable in one's own skin and finally figuring out who you are and what matters to you. Some people seem to figure that out relatively young; some of us take a bit longer. But when you do hit upon it and realize "this is the life I was meant to live; this is me", it feels really, really good.

Sorry for the ramble!

[Irulan]

Sorry I don't know you - are you a professional skydriver? Or Bungee Jumper? or Motocross rider? I did say high risk - I don't consider bicycling a HIGH risk sport...

that said if you have a husband and small children then yes I think it foolish you risk your life for pleasure... just my opinion.

edited to add: If you engage in sports such as free riding--- mountain biking off cliff faces, then I would consider that high risk.

Well, I resemble that remark: my DH is a class 5whitewater boater, it's his passion. And you know what? The decisions we make that are right for our family are just that: right for our family. It's totally inappropriate for you to make judgments like that... I mean, mind your own business if it's not affecting you personally. I'm sure you do things with your family that I might not approve of, or even be offended by, but I keep my opinions and judging to myself.

My son is also a whitewater boater. I let my children do high risk activities too!

Suggested reading:
Forget Me Not by Jennifer Lowe-Anker, memoir by the widow of Alex Lowe, one of the world's foremost mountaineers who was killed in a climbing accident.

http://www.amazon.com/Forget-Me-Not-...6259675&sr=8-1

[jessmarimba]

I think since the 80's when parents wanted to be hip themselves and much rather be their kids friends than parents, we have allowed kids to be indulged much too much - anything than wanted they got; nothing was earned; every desire was granted; nothing was appreciated. Now we have several generations of adults who don't know how to deny themselves and when they dont get what they want, become depressed and angry about it just like any 2 year old. Think about it? Is that really desirable and attractive?.

Stereotype much?

I was born in the 80s. I paid for my college, I have a job, a house, a paid-off car, health insurance, the works. Though I might not have the nicest bikes, the medical bills from my wreck this summer are completely paid off.

The 50+ year-old woman who wrecked while I was still in the hospital had a brand-new high-end mountain bike, but no insurance or savings, while participating in a sport with a history of "when" you'll get hurt, not "if." I attended a ridiculous number of events attempting to raise money for additional elective surgeries when her original bills will mostly be written-off to charity.

I don't care how responsible/irresponsible or mature/immature people are at any age, but no one should have to pay for the high-risk lifestyle besides the risk takers themselves.

[Irulan]

Stereotype much?

I was born in the 80s. I paid for my college, I have a job, a house, a paid-off car, health insurance, the works. Though I might not have the nicest bikes, the medical bills from my wreck this summer are completely paid off.

The 50+ year-old woman who wrecked while I was still in the hospital had a brand-new high-end mountain bike, but no insurance or savings, while participating in a sport with a history of "when" you'll get hurt, not "if." I attended a ridiculous number of events attempting to raise money for additional elective surgeries when her original bills will mostly be written-off to charity.

I don't care how responsible/irresponsible or mature/immature people are at any age, but no one should have to pay for the high-risk lifestyle besides the risk takers themselves.

Yep. I recall an incident when I was going first aid at some NORBA world cup mountain bike DH races. A guy wrecks ( big surprise) and due to the nature of the potential head injuries, they were going to helicopter him off the mountain. The gf is in tears, "do we have to? We don't have any insurance!!" I mean, wtf, racing DH mountain biking without health insurance? Al least we keep good health and life policies in place with my and DH 's crazy antics.

[Crankin]

Ah, I didn't respond to that comment, originally, but while I do see a lot of helicopter parenting, not everyone is like that. My kids were born in 82 and 85 and are totally on their own. Each in their own way, but on their own. I find that parents, in general, are increasingly afraid of letting their kids do anything that smacks of independence.

[PamNY]

I find that parents, in general, are increasingly afraid of letting their kids do anything that smacks of independence.

I hear people say that, but I don't understand it. Young people today seem much more independent than people my age were. Women in particular weren't supposed to be very independent at all.