No sympathy, please.

[tulip]

Wow, I am really shocked at the hostility to Z's post. I don't see her as holding a pity party. She's tired and in pain and depressed. She has serious issues she's dealing with. Telling her to get her head out of her a$$ seems to be a unnecessary and uncalled for. We all have issues, and what may not be a big deal for one may in fact be a huge deal for another. It's all relative.

Z--please reread Shootingstar's post. It's the one that resonates with me. Learn to enjoy riding a bike and being active. Learn to appreciate living, and for me that means appreciating really taking the time to experience all sorts of things. That means Slowing Down. Whether on purpose or forced, slowing down has all sorts of advantages.

As for the depression, do consider counseling. If appropriate, the counselor might determine that medications would be appropriate. None of us can make that call. None of us can judge your pain, either. We can only tell you our experiences that we have learned from.

Best to you.

[Biciclista]

I was certainly not being hostile I was hoping to help her see the way.. she asked for tough talk..

[mudmucker]

I don't percieve the OP as holding a pity party either. Nor do I detect any high degree of self-loathing. I see that this person has found themselves in a percieved difficult time, is somewhat confused on which direction to take, or is experiencing a motivational funk and is trying to sort through something that that hasn't been encountered in her life before. A temporary wall. Mostly looking for tools.

This is her FIRST post. She may not know the players in the game. I've been here since 2006 and would interpret the responses as an appropriate wakeup call or kick in the butt, knowing the internet personalities and temperaments of the responders. If I were new I might not feel that way.

I think salsabike, aggie, kiwi, tg, and NbyNW give sound advice. And because I know of Knott, yes Knott too in her tough love way.

And fer crying out loud, counseling doesn't have to be offered for every single malady. Yes she announced feeling depressed but many people can weather through the times without having to run to a counselor for every single setback and I should sure hope that the average person is well aware that counseling is always an option in their lives. Maybe that's too sensible a statement and people do have to be reminded.

[indysteel]

I don't percieve the OP as holding a pity party either. Nor do I detect any high degree of self-loathing. I see that this person has found themselves in a percieved difficult time, is somewhat confused on which direction to take, or is experiencing a motivational funk and is trying to sort through something that that hasn't been encountered in her life before. A temporary wall. Mostly looking for tools.

This is her FIRST post. She may not know the players in the game. I've been here since 2006 and would interpret the responses as an appropriate wakeup call or kick in the butt, knowing the internet personalities and temperaments of the responders. If I were new I might not feel that way.

I think salsabike, aggie, kiwi, tg, and NbyNW give sound advice. And because I know Knott, yes Knott too in her tough love way.

And fer crying out loud, counseling doesn't have to be offered for every single malady. Yes she announced feeling depressed but many people can weather through the times without having to run to a counselor for every single setback and I should sure hope that the average person is well aware that counseling is always an option in their lives. Maybe that's too sensible a statement and people do have to be reminded.

The mere fact that you refer to "running to a counselor for every single setback" suggests to me that you perceive some degree of weakness in seeking professional help. It also suggests to me that you don't know how serious depression can be. Would you say the same thing to someone suffering from a serious physical ailment?

For me, seeking help from a counselor was the first step in empowering myself to be happy and fully functional. There was absolutely nothing weak about it. Rather, it took a lot of courage and strength to not only make that call, but to fully commit to the process of therapy.

Depression can be serious business, and people suffering from it, especially if it's acute, often need A LOT of encouragement to seek help because it can be so paralyzing.

If I am misinterpreting what you wrote, then I apologize.

[shootingstar]

zombav,

I really don't whole lot to add since I don't have a pile of physical ailments (yet) like others here. But I recently lost my sister who as we found out too late, was quite depressed. She died by suicide.

We have our struggles at different stages in life.

Live your life well and in the now. You are alive and it's a gift. Cycling is a gift. I am reminded of this when I see anyone in a wheelchair.

[mudmucker]

The mere fact that you refer to "running to a counselor for every single setback" suggests to me that you perceive some degree of weakness in seeking professional help. It also suggests to me that you don't know how serious depression can be. Would you say the same thing to someone suffering from a serious physical ailment?

For me, seeking help from a counselor was the first step in empowering myself to be happy and fully functional. There was absolutely nothing weak about it. Depression can be serious business, and people suffering from it, especially if it's acute, often need A LOT of encouragement to seek help because it can be so paralyzing.

If I am misinterpreting what you wrote, then I apologize.

No I don't perceive it as being weak. Not at all, and it should be I that offer apology to you and those that have interpreted as such. I believe I have mixed in a pet peeve of mine in that, it seems to be the primary form of advice that is offered consistently from some individuals for a variety of situations. I interpreted the OP as perhaps seeking a more creative non-professional way of working through her problem other than "go seek a counselor" - which to me goes without saying if one is seriously depressed or unable to move forward. It was a reaction to the anticipated blanket suggestion rather than to the severity of the potential symptom.

However you are correct. I am first and foremost guilty of not understanding depression, nor understanding HOW people suffer from it, not having undergone depression myself. Nor would I recognize to a level, that people may not recognize they are even in depression nor understand how much encouragement is needed. I took the OPs statement merely as a form of the blues and she was seeking coping tools other than counseling. I of course don't know this. I respect those that go forward with counseling when needed because the ultimate result is personal happiness.

So in conclusion, I do apologize for any unintended offense to anyone and the apparent insensitivity of my comment.

[NbyNW]

Live your life well and in the now. You are alive and it's a gift. Cycling is a gift. I am reminded of this when I see anyone in a wheelchair.

Good point, except I take issue with your analogy of a person in a wheelchair. This implies that someone else is worse off, so you should be grateful for what you have. Which should NOT be the point. And should not make Z's challenges any less valid.

My colleagues who are in wheelchairs and/or are advocates for the disabled tell me that the person in the wheelchair doesn't want your pity; they are grateful for the mobility and independence that a good working wheelchair offers them. Whether they have needed it their entire lives or it is an adaptation that was needed later, the point is that you find a way to live your life meaningfully with what you have. Everyone struggles with this at some point. The when, why, how, comes in so many forms. It's not easy, but if you want to you will find a way. Some days you will want to take the path of least resistance and that's okay. Other days you will be branching out and trying new things.

Good luck, Z. When you are ready we want to hear your follow-up, that you are taking positive steps for yourself. Take your time and be patient with yourself.

[indysteel]

No I don't perceive it as being weak. Not at all, and it should be I that offer apology to you and those that have interpreted as such. I believe I have mixed in a pet peeve of mine in that, it seems to be the primary form of advice that is offered consistently from some individuals for a variety of situations. I interpreted the OP as perhaps seeking a more creative non-professional way of working through her problem other than "go seek a counselor" - which to me is a no-brainer if one is seriously depressed or unable to move forward. It was a reaction to the anticipated blanket suggestion rather than to the severity of the potential symptom.

However you are correct. I am first and foremost guilty of not understanding depression, nor understanding HOW people suffer from it, not having undergone depression myself. Nor would I recognize to a level, that people may not recognize they are even in depression. I took the OPs statement merely as a form of the blues and she was seeking coping tools other than counseling. I of course don't know this. I respect those that go forward with counseling when needed because the ultimate result is personal happiness.

So in conclusion, I do apologize for any unintended offense to anyone and the apparent insensitivity of my comment.

Apology accepted. Thank you.

But your raise some interesting points worth discussing, and maybe some misconceptions about therapy. I don't think you need to be acutely depressed or suffering from a discernible mental defect or disorder to benefit form talking to a therapist. I think it's important to see therapy not as a "coping skill" in and of itself but as a tool. A tool for understanding yourself better, for communicating better, for learning how to let go of thought patterns or behaviors that don't serve you very well and for practicing or learning better patterns of thought and behavior. Most of the "creative, non-professional ways of coping" that I've learned, I learned precisely because I was working with a therapist.

I'm not saying everybody needs to go to a therapist to get out a funk, but it can be a very useful way to approach any number of problems from the very minor to the incredibly serious. In the end, I simply don't really have a problem with the frequency with which some of us encourage others to seek counseling. It's pretty benign advice as advice goes. The simple truth is that there's a lot within the human condition for which professional counseling can prove helpful. It's no different than the host of medical issues that we can potentially face. Again, I ask whether you would encourage someone with a physical ailment to find a more "creative" solution than seeking the advice of a medical professional?

I do appreciate that you have no personal experience with depression. A sad mood--the "blues" so to speak--is not the same as depression. While things like exercise can help alleviate the symptoms of depression, it's rarely enough to handle anything but very mild depression. And maybe that's all the OP has, but given what she has on her plate, it's probably a good idea for her to get evaluated, in the very least, by a professional.

[mudmucker]

Apology accepted. Thank you.

But your raise some interesting points worth discussing, and maybe some misconceptions about therapy. I don't think you need to be acutely depressed or suffering from a discernible mental defect or disorder to benefit form talking to a therapist. I think it's important to see therapy not as a "coping skill" in and of itself but as a tool. A tool for understanding yourself better, for communicating better, for learning how to let go of thought patterns or behaviors that don't serve you very well and for practicing or learning better patterns of thought and behavior. Most of the "creative, non-professional ways of coping" that I've learned, I learned precisely because I was working with a therapist.

I'm not saying everybody needs to go to a therapist to get out a funk, but it can be a very useful way to approach any number of problems from the very minor to the incredibly serious. In the end, I simply don't really have a problem with the frequency with which some of us encourage others to seek counseling. It's pretty benign advice as advice goes. The simple truth is that there's a lot within the human condition for which professional counseling can prove helpful. It's no different than the host of medical issues that we can potentially face. Again, I ask whether you would encourage someone with a physical ailment to find a more "creative" solution than seeking the advice of a medical professional?

I do appreciate that you have no personal experience with depression. A sad mood--the "blues" so to speak--is not the same as depression. While things like exercise can help alleviate the symptoms of depression, it's rarely enough to handle anything but very mild depression. And maybe that's all the OP has, but given what she has on her plate, it's probably a good idea for her to get evaluated, in the very least, by a professional.

That is very well put.

Guilty of drifting. We should get back on to topic.

[indysteel]

Thanks. Sorry for the thread jack by the way. I just felt the need to address the issue. Thanks for listening.

To the OP, please apply what I've said to your own situation. To the extent I mentioned "patterns of thinking," think about what your telling yourself about yourself right now. Given what you're dealing with, now would be a good time to treat yourself like you would want your best friend or most loving family member to treat you. If you're finding it hard not to beat yourself up, then I truly would encourage you to talk to a professional.

At times like this, I often find myself rereading my own TE signature. It may sound rather pithy, but I think there are some good reminders there, not the least of which is to "practice wellness." For me, practicing wellness has required a concerted effort to be kind and gentle with myself. I'm all too prone to be very, very hard on myself, to the point that it becomes extremely counterproductive to my health and happiness. If that resonates with you, then you'll need to take some steps to change your inner voice. You are worth that kindness, but if you're having trouble believing that, then again, I would encourage you to work with a professional in that regard.

I wish you the best.

[spokewench]

Welcome Z - I see there's a little controvery in this thread, but believe me, everyone here has your back, no matter how they write their words. We've all been there where you are in some way in our lives; if it is injury, illness, pain and desolation. We've all had setbacks, some temporary and some not so temporary.

What we all have in common is that we care about others, we love bikes, we believe in a healthy lifestyle and all of us, in our own way, go out to achieve things that we didn't think we could do.

I can understand you being depressed at being told that (perhaps) you won't be able to do exactly what you have been doing in the past. You might not be able to increase your time in a tri; or whatever it is that you really are passionate about. This depression is normal.

However, many of us are even older than you are and I think want to offer you a perspective that perhaps you have not thought about yet since you are only 40 and relatively young. What I have found with age and aging is this. Nothing stays static. Everything changes and changes constantly.

How we deal with those changes is what makes us successful and happy with the aging process. Sometimes, we deal with an illness and injury by changing even more; chosing a different sport, doing different things that give us satisfaction, changing our outlook in what we do do so that we can still enjoy the great things that life has to offer us.

I have watched many people age, not just from 30 to 40 or 40 to 50, but I have watched my parents generation age too. The people that I find most fascinating and inspiring are those people who can embrace the changes, find a different or better way to do things, and live life to the fullest that is possible for them.

So, take this setback for what it is, and step forward with an attitude that you will make this work for you. That, you will learn and grow from this and that you will find a way to make yourself happy!

Please don't run away from this forum, these people are good at heart and I think you can gain from a different prospective right now. Take heart, the disappointment will fade, the depression will go away, and move forward with a good attitude. You may find that you will have a greater passion for life!

spoke

[KnottedYet]

When rehab professionals talk about "No Sympathy," we usually have something specific in mind.

(Calling for a metaphorical shove to the patient, rather than a cuddle.)

Z, I'm sorry if that wasn't what you meant and what I wrote wasn't what you were looking for.

[emily_in_nc]

Here it is- Sometimes in life you have to slow down and lower your expectations of yourself.

+1

I used to ride 3000-4000 miles a year. In 2004 I rode 4 centuries in 6 weeks. I used to be a fast "B" rider and could hang with some pretty strong riders in the bike club on weekend rides. I used to average 16-18mph on my rides on my carbon go-fast bike.

In 2005, while training for a spring century, I had a bike accident (collided with my husband while trying to escape two dogs running onto the road at me), broke my pelvis in three places, had to have surgery to put in a 5" metal plate and four pins in my ilium. Everything changed in the blink of an eye.

Now I ride about 750 (give or take) miles a year. I ride a Bike Friday folder with a rack pack (so practical!) and primarily do rides of 60-90 minutes. I haven't done an event in since '05. I average 12-13 mph. I often get pain on the upper part of my buttock that limits the mileage I can do and my ability to do back-to-back rides. I've done a lot of PT, but still the pain recurs.

Yes, I could be moaning and groaning about it, but instead I found other things I enjoy doing. I never ran or hiked before my accident. Now I do both. I also enjoy weight training, long walks with my dog, and have taken both yoga and Pilates classes, which were great. Cycling is still great fun, but I do it more to run errands now. I get great pleasure going to the markets on my bike rather than driving my car. I bought a mountain bike and started riding trails. I ride a cruiser bike at the beach.

I guess it's the old saying "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade" for me. After my accident, my inability to spend as much time doing intense road cycling actually opened up my time to make room for new activities that have proved to be equally enjoyable. Variety decreases the chance of overuse injuries too.

It's all in how you look at it. It sucks that you have a disease, and you may never be as fast or competitive as you used to be. But that doesn't mean you can't still enjoy the activities you can do for the intrinsic pleasure they provide, not just for the winning.

Oh, and I'll be 50 in April. It's never too late to try new things!

Good luck!

[shootingstar]

Good point, except I take issue with your analogy of a person in a wheelchair. This implies that someone else is worse off, so you should be grateful for what you have. Which should NOT be the point. And should not make Z's challenges any less valid.

My colleagues who are in wheelchairs and/or are advocates for the disabled tell me that the person in the wheelchair doesn't want your pity; they are grateful for the mobility and independence that a good working wheelchair offers them. Whether they have needed it their entire lives or it is an adaptation that was needed later, the point is that you find a way to live your life meaningfully with what you have..

I green highlighted this, which is essentially what I said.

I think I've mentioned this before in this forum: For 3 yrs. I worked at a rehab. hospital for spinal cord injured adults. Very early in my career, a yr. after finishing university. I'm sure the OP here, is aware of such clients that she may have encountered already.

No, people don't want pity but several ...such as close friends, will remind one if you should forget that they can't bike... such as friend who was mildly physically disabled due to childhood polio. She went hiking and backpacking for several wks. but she did gently reminded me when I went on rhapsodizing about a bike trip that I did.

Another friend who had severe astigmatism and also her eyes didn't stay still (don't know the condition) was registered as blind...her vision was quite low. Once she got pissed off at me when I remarked at the scenery going by when we were on a bus. She reminded me she couldn't see much at all. I literally forgot about her disability at times and it would come out in such blunders or in my case, it was genuine oversight.

And she would tell me, it ticked her off to read the media stories of super accomplished/athletic physically disabled..."either we're super human strong or gimps to be patronized). (Meanwhile she was very extroverted herself, became a manager, etc.....)

You know similar to wanting to do tris, marathons, but not successful, yet overlooking other accomplishments and pleasures in life.

Wonder if original poster is reading all this.

[salsabike]

Wow, I am really shocked at the hostility to Z's post. I don't see her as holding a pity party. She's tired and in pain and depressed. She has serious issues she's dealing with. Telling her to get her head out of her a$$ seems to be a unnecessary and uncalled for. We all have issues, and what may not be a big deal for one may in fact be a huge deal for another. It's all relative.

Ditto. Z, please feel free to send me a message if I can be of any help.