No sympathy, please.

[OakLeaf]

I totally hear you all who've taken the OP up on her thread title.

I'm probably projecting, but I hear a LOT of self-loathing in the OP. I could almost have written her post once, as a teenager, in response to a temporary injury that only sidelined me for a few months. Did I deserve sympathy for the injury? Well, no, not really. But did I need someone to help me through the depression with sensitivity and understanding? Yeppers.

I know the OP is the only one who can choose to stop hating herself body and soul, but if she's anything like me, all she's probably hearing (even though it's not what any of us is saying) is that we hate her too. ZA, that's not the case, and I hope you can hear what everyone in this thread is trying to tell you. As Knott said, we tend to be generous here with sympathy and hugs. Honor your need for those and trust us not to harm you. Ask and you will receive.

[tulip]

Wow, I am really shocked at the hostility to Z's post. I don't see her as holding a pity party. She's tired and in pain and depressed. She has serious issues she's dealing with. Telling her to get her head out of her a$$ seems to be a unnecessary and uncalled for. We all have issues, and what may not be a big deal for one may in fact be a huge deal for another. It's all relative.

Z--please reread Shootingstar's post. It's the one that resonates with me. Learn to enjoy riding a bike and being active. Learn to appreciate living, and for me that means appreciating really taking the time to experience all sorts of things. That means Slowing Down. Whether on purpose or forced, slowing down has all sorts of advantages.

As for the depression, do consider counseling. If appropriate, the counselor might determine that medications would be appropriate. None of us can make that call. None of us can judge your pain, either. We can only tell you our experiences that we have learned from.

Best to you.

[Biciclista]

I was certainly not being hostile I was hoping to help her see the way.. she asked for tough talk..

[mudmucker]

I don't percieve the OP as holding a pity party either. Nor do I detect any high degree of self-loathing. I see that this person has found themselves in a percieved difficult time, is somewhat confused on which direction to take, or is experiencing a motivational funk and is trying to sort through something that that hasn't been encountered in her life before. A temporary wall. Mostly looking for tools.

This is her FIRST post. She may not know the players in the game. I've been here since 2006 and would interpret the responses as an appropriate wakeup call or kick in the butt, knowing the internet personalities and temperaments of the responders. If I were new I might not feel that way.

I think salsabike, aggie, kiwi, tg, and NbyNW give sound advice. And because I know of Knott, yes Knott too in her tough love way.

And fer crying out loud, counseling doesn't have to be offered for every single malady. Yes she announced feeling depressed but many people can weather through the times without having to run to a counselor for every single setback and I should sure hope that the average person is well aware that counseling is always an option in their lives. Maybe that's too sensible a statement and people do have to be reminded.

[indysteel]

I don't percieve the OP as holding a pity party either. Nor do I detect any high degree of self-loathing. I see that this person has found themselves in a percieved difficult time, is somewhat confused on which direction to take, or is experiencing a motivational funk and is trying to sort through something that that hasn't been encountered in her life before. A temporary wall. Mostly looking for tools.

This is her FIRST post. She may not know the players in the game. I've been here since 2006 and would interpret the responses as an appropriate wakeup call or kick in the butt, knowing the internet personalities and temperaments of the responders. If I were new I might not feel that way.

I think salsabike, aggie, kiwi, tg, and NbyNW give sound advice. And because I know Knott, yes Knott too in her tough love way.

And fer crying out loud, counseling doesn't have to be offered for every single malady. Yes she announced feeling depressed but many people can weather through the times without having to run to a counselor for every single setback and I should sure hope that the average person is well aware that counseling is always an option in their lives. Maybe that's too sensible a statement and people do have to be reminded.

The mere fact that you refer to "running to a counselor for every single setback" suggests to me that you perceive some degree of weakness in seeking professional help. It also suggests to me that you don't know how serious depression can be. Would you say the same thing to someone suffering from a serious physical ailment?

For me, seeking help from a counselor was the first step in empowering myself to be happy and fully functional. There was absolutely nothing weak about it. Rather, it took a lot of courage and strength to not only make that call, but to fully commit to the process of therapy.

Depression can be serious business, and people suffering from it, especially if it's acute, often need A LOT of encouragement to seek help because it can be so paralyzing.

If I am misinterpreting what you wrote, then I apologize.

[mudmucker]

The mere fact that you refer to "running to a counselor for every single setback" suggests to me that you perceive some degree of weakness in seeking professional help. It also suggests to me that you don't know how serious depression can be. Would you say the same thing to someone suffering from a serious physical ailment?

For me, seeking help from a counselor was the first step in empowering myself to be happy and fully functional. There was absolutely nothing weak about it. Depression can be serious business, and people suffering from it, especially if it's acute, often need A LOT of encouragement to seek help because it can be so paralyzing.

If I am misinterpreting what you wrote, then I apologize.

No I don't perceive it as being weak. Not at all, and it should be I that offer apology to you and those that have interpreted as such. I believe I have mixed in a pet peeve of mine in that, it seems to be the primary form of advice that is offered consistently from some individuals for a variety of situations. I interpreted the OP as perhaps seeking a more creative non-professional way of working through her problem other than "go seek a counselor" - which to me goes without saying if one is seriously depressed or unable to move forward. It was a reaction to the anticipated blanket suggestion rather than to the severity of the potential symptom.

However you are correct. I am first and foremost guilty of not understanding depression, nor understanding HOW people suffer from it, not having undergone depression myself. Nor would I recognize to a level, that people may not recognize they are even in depression nor understand how much encouragement is needed. I took the OPs statement merely as a form of the blues and she was seeking coping tools other than counseling. I of course don't know this. I respect those that go forward with counseling when needed because the ultimate result is personal happiness.

So in conclusion, I do apologize for any unintended offense to anyone and the apparent insensitivity of my comment.

[indysteel]

No I don't perceive it as being weak. Not at all, and it should be I that offer apology to you and those that have interpreted as such. I believe I have mixed in a pet peeve of mine in that, it seems to be the primary form of advice that is offered consistently from some individuals for a variety of situations. I interpreted the OP as perhaps seeking a more creative non-professional way of working through her problem other than "go seek a counselor" - which to me is a no-brainer if one is seriously depressed or unable to move forward. It was a reaction to the anticipated blanket suggestion rather than to the severity of the potential symptom.

However you are correct. I am first and foremost guilty of not understanding depression, nor understanding HOW people suffer from it, not having undergone depression myself. Nor would I recognize to a level, that people may not recognize they are even in depression. I took the OPs statement merely as a form of the blues and she was seeking coping tools other than counseling. I of course don't know this. I respect those that go forward with counseling when needed because the ultimate result is personal happiness.

So in conclusion, I do apologize for any unintended offense to anyone and the apparent insensitivity of my comment.

Apology accepted. Thank you.

But your raise some interesting points worth discussing, and maybe some misconceptions about therapy. I don't think you need to be acutely depressed or suffering from a discernible mental defect or disorder to benefit form talking to a therapist. I think it's important to see therapy not as a "coping skill" in and of itself but as a tool. A tool for understanding yourself better, for communicating better, for learning how to let go of thought patterns or behaviors that don't serve you very well and for practicing or learning better patterns of thought and behavior. Most of the "creative, non-professional ways of coping" that I've learned, I learned precisely because I was working with a therapist.

I'm not saying everybody needs to go to a therapist to get out a funk, but it can be a very useful way to approach any number of problems from the very minor to the incredibly serious. In the end, I simply don't really have a problem with the frequency with which some of us encourage others to seek counseling. It's pretty benign advice as advice goes. The simple truth is that there's a lot within the human condition for which professional counseling can prove helpful. It's no different than the host of medical issues that we can potentially face. Again, I ask whether you would encourage someone with a physical ailment to find a more "creative" solution than seeking the advice of a medical professional?

I do appreciate that you have no personal experience with depression. A sad mood--the "blues" so to speak--is not the same as depression. While things like exercise can help alleviate the symptoms of depression, it's rarely enough to handle anything but very mild depression. And maybe that's all the OP has, but given what she has on her plate, it's probably a good idea for her to get evaluated, in the very least, by a professional.

[salsabike]

Wow, I am really shocked at the hostility to Z's post. I don't see her as holding a pity party. She's tired and in pain and depressed. She has serious issues she's dealing with. Telling her to get her head out of her a$$ seems to be a unnecessary and uncalled for. We all have issues, and what may not be a big deal for one may in fact be a huge deal for another. It's all relative.

Ditto. Z, please feel free to send me a message if I can be of any help.

[NbyNW]

Shootingstar, I was unaware of your previous work, and of course there will be variation among individuals regarding their experiences and sensitivities and the like.

The point that I REALLY wanted to make is that comparing the OP's struggle to adapt to life with RA to someone who relies on a mobility aid is not the same, and not very helpful to the OP. What would be helpful to her is examples of how others with RA manage their symptoms, stay positive, stay active, etc.

[Crankin]

I am surprised at the vehemence of reactions to this post. There are several here, including myself, who have been through a similar thing. It is hard to understand if it hasn't happened to you. We all have a certain "vision" of ourselves and when that is shattered, for whatever reason, it takes time to readjust the "new" you. When it is a change that you really don't want to make, even if it's the best for you, it is incredibly difficult. So while now I can take the time to smell the roses, I didn't want to hear that a couple of years ago, and I still get upset when I see or hear of others *older* than me, with much worse health issues, who are doing more. What helps me, is to put it in perspective from the point of view of my "regular" friends. They think I am a superwoman.
And that's where the counseling comes in. Try to forget that I'm a counselor... because when I went for counseling when I was going through this, I wasn't. I wasn't depressed... I was angry. I felt like my body had betrayed me. That, and a good dose of anxiety was making my situation worse. It really just took a neutral outside observer to help me see some things that I knew, but didn't want to admit. Dealing with a chronic illness is a difficult thing. Pair that with someone who is athletic and maybe competitive, there's a lot of adjusting to do. We've all found our own way.