No sympathy, please.

[KnottedYet]

"No sympathy, please."

Fine, I can give you "no sympathy."

Pull your head out of your b*tt. Forty? Big F-ing Deal. Most of us are older than you. Don't put US down as you so enthusiastically chop yourself down in a bid for the sympathy you say you don't want.

Pull your head out of your b*tt. RA? Big Whoop. There are folks with other gawd-awful immune system disorders here. Whine if you want to, but acknowledge the fact that you want to whine, need to whine, and want some hugs. We give them out freely.

Pull your head out of your b*tt. Gained weight? Big fat heiney, let's have a pity party. I've gained 55 pounds in the last 3 years. I was a size 10, now I'm a size 20 or 22. Stress, stress, stress. Tough sh*t. You are responsible for your own weight. Accept what you weigh, or change it.

Pull your head out of your b*tt. Triathlons? Big huge tearful stupid loss. They are still out there, go do them. Who gives a rip if you are in the top or in the a$$ end of the pack? I don't. Why should you? The joy is from DOING the thing, not from kicking someone else's tuchus. Afraid of all the young things in the lower age category, then do something like the Danskin or the Trek and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Look at all the cancer survivors in those first waves, and get a sense of perspective.

Pull your head out of your b*tt. OT? Come on... the "other therapy." You're not gonna let some PT read you the riot act, are you? Stand up, be proud of your career change and your new degree! If you don't like it, do something else. But don't complain in some back-handed way about how hard OT is. Yes, healthcare can be massively draining. Say so! Ask for help if you need it, but be sure you want the job enough to love it and fight for it and ASK FOR HELP IF YOU NEED IT!!!!! Seriously, we all need help... change your title to "Sympathy, please." Honesty is the best policy.

Pull your head out of your b*tt. "Is this all there is?" Yup, this is IT, honey. Make the most of it. That's all anyone can do.

-Knott, who has evil PT powers and is not afraid to use them.

[Kiwi Stoker]

As an achiever, after my bike accident and resulting issues, I have learnt something huge. And it does go against the main theme everyone says "you can do anything if you put your mind to it".


Here it is- Sometimes in life you have to slow down and lower your expectations of yourself.

You are not a failure for doing so. You just need time to adjust to the situation, heal, get help or whatever and then sort out some goals that YOU can achieve. And yes these could be lower than you used to.

Take this chance to try something totally different. I used to love art as a child and because of my accident I have found that love again and am achieving something. Yes, it's certainly not the corporate ladder climbing and marketing campaign successes I was doing but I have become to accept this. I am still achieving, just differently.

[tangentgirl]

Congrats on the Masters in OT. I watched my mom get her bachelors in OT, the year she turned 50, then get the OTR. Talk about intense, yeesh.

My two cents from here...

1. Talk to a mental health professional. Someone on the doctor side of things if you can. You a) just finished up something very stressful and b) the RA is a life-changing diagnosis. Those things on their own are BFDs so together...ya see?

2. In the meantime, give yourself a break, mentally and physically. Working out 5-6 times a week sounds like it's counterproductive for you at the moment. If you are in physical pain and beating yourself up mentally, then what are you getting out of it?

Also, all the stuff KnottedYet just said.

[OakLeaf]

I don't have personal experience with a physical blow like that, but I know from depression - and from what I've seen of other people with traumatic spinal cord injuries, etc., you're the same person you were when you were healthy.

When you were physically healthy, you were already ill-equipped to deal with a serious physical blow, and that hasn't changed. This should be your goal now. It's hard work. Much, much harder than a marathon. Can you find a glimmer of respect for yourself for committing to the work of therapy? The sooner you start, the better.

[NbyNW]

Yes, please talk to a professional about that depression, and perhaps also about figuring out how to adapt.

If you're turning 40 and this is the first time you've had to deal with a major setback, then one way of looking at it is that you're luckier than most. Another way of looking at it is that you don't know how to deal with a major setback at age 40.

I'm not yet 40, but when I was 14 I was going on 40. Age is just a number.

Give yourself a good swift kick in the pants when you're feeling sorry for yourself, and give yourself permission to rest, mentally and physically, when you need to. Rest is an important part of healing and rehab. Active people tend to hate it, but we all know from experience that if you push too soon and too fast you can set yourself back. Again. It's a delicate balancing act.

I'm not very happy with my life right now either, but instead of boring you with the details, I'll tell you that it's an exercise in making lemonade when life gives you lemons. Focus every day on the things that you CAN do, on taking pleasure in whatever it is that makes you happy. Let these changes in your life take you in new directions that you hadn't explored before. Grow.

[kermit]

You will find on this thread we all have similar stories, and as an over 40 gal myself, I am fighting it every step of the way. I believe age is a state of mind, I am now mature enough to be able to take something and make sense of it. I have been knocked down and broken a ton of bones in my younger days and have arthritis myself everywhere. I do what I can for myself...I will never be a Chrissie Wellington but it's the challenge to be the best me I can. You might find that what you did before is not going to make you happy... Evaluate what you want to do for you and DO IT!

[emily_in_nc]

Here it is- Sometimes in life you have to slow down and lower your expectations of yourself.

+1

I used to ride 3000-4000 miles a year. In 2004 I rode 4 centuries in 6 weeks. I used to be a fast "B" rider and could hang with some pretty strong riders in the bike club on weekend rides. I used to average 16-18mph on my rides on my carbon go-fast bike.

In 2005, while training for a spring century, I had a bike accident (collided with my husband while trying to escape two dogs running onto the road at me), broke my pelvis in three places, had to have surgery to put in a 5" metal plate and four pins in my ilium. Everything changed in the blink of an eye.

Now I ride about 750 (give or take) miles a year. I ride a Bike Friday folder with a rack pack (so practical!) and primarily do rides of 60-90 minutes. I haven't done an event in since '05. I average 12-13 mph. I often get pain on the upper part of my buttock that limits the mileage I can do and my ability to do back-to-back rides. I've done a lot of PT, but still the pain recurs.

Yes, I could be moaning and groaning about it, but instead I found other things I enjoy doing. I never ran or hiked before my accident. Now I do both. I also enjoy weight training, long walks with my dog, and have taken both yoga and Pilates classes, which were great. Cycling is still great fun, but I do it more to run errands now. I get great pleasure going to the markets on my bike rather than driving my car. I bought a mountain bike and started riding trails. I ride a cruiser bike at the beach.

I guess it's the old saying "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade" for me. After my accident, my inability to spend as much time doing intense road cycling actually opened up my time to make room for new activities that have proved to be equally enjoyable. Variety decreases the chance of overuse injuries too.

It's all in how you look at it. It sucks that you have a disease, and you may never be as fast or competitive as you used to be. But that doesn't mean you can't still enjoy the activities you can do for the intrinsic pleasure they provide, not just for the winning.

Oh, and I'll be 50 in April. It's never too late to try new things!

Good luck!

[emily_in_nc]

Emily, I thought you were younger than me.

Heheh, had you fooled! Actually most people think I'm in my early 40s. But I think that's as much because of the way I act as the way I look. I'm pretty hyper.

I've decided that I'm really going to embrace turning 50. When I turned 40, I didn't want anyone to know. I didn't look 40, didn't feel 40, and thought that sounded so "old". That was a hard birthday for me. So, I didn't mention my age to most people through most of my 40s; I just let them keep guessing. Now, I've decided that since I look pretty fit and youthful for 50, I'm not going to shy away from revealing my age. Perhaps I'll get a few responses along the lines of "No way! You don't look 50!" If so, that will make me feel pretty good. And if not, I'll try not to care.

[NbyNW]

Speaking of the turn of decades, I had the most delightful conversation over the phone yesterday, with a gal at my insurance agent's office. She was talking about the experience of recently turning 29 and going on 30, and how she was just gaining a new appreciation for everything and everyone around her. She was feeling so grateful that she could spend her lunch break running on the Burke-Gilman trail, train for her first tri at Lake Sammamish, loving the discovery of an active lifestyle that her in-laws introduced her to . . . it was one of those infectiously happy conversations. And she apologized for talking my ear off, but I felt so happy for her and so enjoyed hearing about her experiences I told her to keep talking.

She was taking a wonderful, celebratory, big bite out of life at the prospect of turning 30. I loved hearing about it.

Those decades can be a big deal. I do remember being almost too busy to notice when I turned 30. I'm a couple years away from 40 . . . wonder if I'll be too busy again or if it will be a time for reflection.

[jobob]

40 wasn't hard for me at all; 45, on the other hand, was a little bit rough, because right around then I started to need reading glasses and I started to notice other things that reminded me I was getting on in years, argh.

But my 50th, that was an excellent birthday -- it wasn't too long after my recovery from my bike crash and I had a lot to be thankful for!

[Crankin]

30 and 40, no big deal. 45 bothered me a lot. I was getting fat and unhappy. 50... no problem, nor 55. I think 60 is really going to bother me.
Most people think I am in my 40s. I went out to dinner with someone I worked with at my internship last year the other night. She asked me, "How old are you?" When I said 57, I could see her eyes get wide. She definitely thought I was about 45.
I don't say anything to anyone about my age. Yesterday, I went for my physical. I saw a new person in the practice, who asked me what the secret of my excellent hdl/ldl ratio was at "my age." I replied that there was no secret: diet and exercise.

[Biciclista]

D A M N, knott, you rock... No wonder your son is so cool!

And to you, dear original OP(Original poster) you are only 40. I will be 60 this year. No one survives this race we are all in. The way I see it, the more that I do, the more that I can do, the more I am winning. For my family, my sons, my friends, that is what I can do, be a good example, set higher standards than the last generation.
If you're only 40 and you're already losing height, you should be looking into your intake of Vitamin D3 and calcium.
If you have arthritis, that means you better keep moving.
if you're in pain and depressed you need to ask yourself why. We can't answer those questions for you. But while you're sitting in on your own pity party, the rest of us are walking through the mud and advancing the best we can.. As you should do also.

Welcome to team estrogen!

"No sympathy, please."

Fine, I can give you "no sympathy."

Pull your head out of your b*tt. Forty? Big F-ing Deal. Most of us are older than you. Don't put US down as you so enthusiastically chop yourself down in a bid for the sympathy you say you don't want.

Pull your head out of your b*tt. RA? Big Whoop. There are folks with other gawd-awful immune system disorders here. Whine if you want to, but acknowledge the fact that you want to whine, need to whine, and want some hugs. We give them out freely.

Pull your head out of your b*tt. Gained weight? Big fat heiney, let's have a pity party. I've gained 55 pounds in the last 3 years. I was a size 10, now I'm a size 20 or 22. Stress, stress, stress. Tough sh*t. You are responsible for your own weight. Accept what you weigh, or change it.

Pull your head out of your b*tt. Triathlons? Big huge tearful stupid loss. They are still out there, go do them. Who gives a rip if you are in the top or in the a$$ end of the pack? I don't. Why should you? The joy is from DOING the thing, not from kicking someone else's tuchus. Afraid of all the young things in the lower age category, then do something like the Danskin or the Trek and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Look at all the cancer survivors in those first waves, and get a sense of perspective.

Pull your head out of your b*tt. OT? Come on... the "other therapy." You're not gonna let some PT read you the riot act, are you? Stand up, be proud of your career change and your new degree! If you don't like it, do something else. But don't complain in some back-handed way about how hard OT is. Yes, healthcare can be massively draining. Say so! Ask for help if you need it, but be sure you want the job enough to love it and fight for it and ASK FOR HELP IF YOU NEED IT!!!!! Seriously, we all need help... change your title to "Sympathy, please." Honesty is the best policy.

Pull your head out of your b*tt. "Is this all there is?" Yup, this is IT, honey. Make the most of it. That's all anyone can do.

-Knott, who has evil PT powers and is not afraid to use them.

[OakLeaf]

I totally hear you all who've taken the OP up on her thread title.

I'm probably projecting, but I hear a LOT of self-loathing in the OP. I could almost have written her post once, as a teenager, in response to a temporary injury that only sidelined me for a few months. Did I deserve sympathy for the injury? Well, no, not really. But did I need someone to help me through the depression with sensitivity and understanding? Yeppers.

I know the OP is the only one who can choose to stop hating herself body and soul, but if she's anything like me, all she's probably hearing (even though it's not what any of us is saying) is that we hate her too. ZA, that's not the case, and I hope you can hear what everyone in this thread is trying to tell you. As Knott said, we tend to be generous here with sympathy and hugs. Honor your need for those and trust us not to harm you. Ask and you will receive.

[tulip]

Wow, I am really shocked at the hostility to Z's post. I don't see her as holding a pity party. She's tired and in pain and depressed. She has serious issues she's dealing with. Telling her to get her head out of her a$$ seems to be a unnecessary and uncalled for. We all have issues, and what may not be a big deal for one may in fact be a huge deal for another. It's all relative.

Z--please reread Shootingstar's post. It's the one that resonates with me. Learn to enjoy riding a bike and being active. Learn to appreciate living, and for me that means appreciating really taking the time to experience all sorts of things. That means Slowing Down. Whether on purpose or forced, slowing down has all sorts of advantages.

As for the depression, do consider counseling. If appropriate, the counselor might determine that medications would be appropriate. None of us can make that call. None of us can judge your pain, either. We can only tell you our experiences that we have learned from.

Best to you.

[Biciclista]

I was certainly not being hostile I was hoping to help her see the way.. she asked for tough talk..