No sympathy, please.

[smittykitty]

I'm sorry you're having a tough time right now. I wish I had some advice, but unfortunately I do not. I do know you have found a wonderful group of very supportful women here at TE. I know you will find lots of good advice and even more support!!! Hang in there and again, Welcome!

[Aggie_Ama]

When I was diagnosed with a chronic illness (Essential Tremor) I took it hard. It took my then passion of bowling and made it nearly impossible. Then I swallowed that it was going to be a part of my life and became my own advocate. I took it as a challenge which ignited my competitive side. I wanted to know so much, find the best doctor and fight for me. Work against the challenge of RA. There are so many new treatments, if you aren't aware yet maybe you can learn about them.

You may not be the level you were but don't get discouraged, just grow and try to enjoy the training. Every day you can get moving you are winning one battle many people with RA won't fight. Someone told me at the line for one of my races "the only *** you have to kick is your own". So just try to beat what you feel you can do now, not what you did. Good luck in your journey, it is a change but judging by the links salsa posted it isn't one people can't overcome.

[Crankin]

My story is similar to Salsa's. While I was never a racer nor did I ever compete in anything, I was getting to be a pretty good cyclist when i was dx with fibromyalgia. Although no one is really sure this is what I have, I have something and I have had to readjust my expectations. My goal is to keep riding (and x country skiing, snow shoeing, hiking, yoga) until I drop dead, but sometimes it is at a less intense level. But, I still work out 5-7 days a week.
I really recommend learning about mindfulness to help with your symptoms. The things that helped me were a 10 week mindfulness course, meditating, acupuncture, and counseling. All of those things helped me deal with different expectations when I had to.
PM me, if you want.

[KnottedYet]

"No sympathy, please."

Fine, I can give you "no sympathy."

Pull your head out of your b*tt. Forty? Big F-ing Deal. Most of us are older than you. Don't put US down as you so enthusiastically chop yourself down in a bid for the sympathy you say you don't want.

Pull your head out of your b*tt. RA? Big Whoop. There are folks with other gawd-awful immune system disorders here. Whine if you want to, but acknowledge the fact that you want to whine, need to whine, and want some hugs. We give them out freely.

Pull your head out of your b*tt. Gained weight? Big fat heiney, let's have a pity party. I've gained 55 pounds in the last 3 years. I was a size 10, now I'm a size 20 or 22. Stress, stress, stress. Tough sh*t. You are responsible for your own weight. Accept what you weigh, or change it.

Pull your head out of your b*tt. Triathlons? Big huge tearful stupid loss. They are still out there, go do them. Who gives a rip if you are in the top or in the a$$ end of the pack? I don't. Why should you? The joy is from DOING the thing, not from kicking someone else's tuchus. Afraid of all the young things in the lower age category, then do something like the Danskin or the Trek and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Look at all the cancer survivors in those first waves, and get a sense of perspective.

Pull your head out of your b*tt. OT? Come on... the "other therapy." You're not gonna let some PT read you the riot act, are you? Stand up, be proud of your career change and your new degree! If you don't like it, do something else. But don't complain in some back-handed way about how hard OT is. Yes, healthcare can be massively draining. Say so! Ask for help if you need it, but be sure you want the job enough to love it and fight for it and ASK FOR HELP IF YOU NEED IT!!!!! Seriously, we all need help... change your title to "Sympathy, please." Honesty is the best policy.

Pull your head out of your b*tt. "Is this all there is?" Yup, this is IT, honey. Make the most of it. That's all anyone can do.

-Knott, who has evil PT powers and is not afraid to use them.

[Kiwi Stoker]

As an achiever, after my bike accident and resulting issues, I have learnt something huge. And it does go against the main theme everyone says "you can do anything if you put your mind to it".


Here it is- Sometimes in life you have to slow down and lower your expectations of yourself.

You are not a failure for doing so. You just need time to adjust to the situation, heal, get help or whatever and then sort out some goals that YOU can achieve. And yes these could be lower than you used to.

Take this chance to try something totally different. I used to love art as a child and because of my accident I have found that love again and am achieving something. Yes, it's certainly not the corporate ladder climbing and marketing campaign successes I was doing but I have become to accept this. I am still achieving, just differently.

[tangentgirl]

Congrats on the Masters in OT. I watched my mom get her bachelors in OT, the year she turned 50, then get the OTR. Talk about intense, yeesh.

My two cents from here...

1. Talk to a mental health professional. Someone on the doctor side of things if you can. You a) just finished up something very stressful and b) the RA is a life-changing diagnosis. Those things on their own are BFDs so together...ya see?

2. In the meantime, give yourself a break, mentally and physically. Working out 5-6 times a week sounds like it's counterproductive for you at the moment. If you are in physical pain and beating yourself up mentally, then what are you getting out of it?

Also, all the stuff KnottedYet just said.

[OakLeaf]

I don't have personal experience with a physical blow like that, but I know from depression - and from what I've seen of other people with traumatic spinal cord injuries, etc., you're the same person you were when you were healthy.

When you were physically healthy, you were already ill-equipped to deal with a serious physical blow, and that hasn't changed. This should be your goal now. It's hard work. Much, much harder than a marathon. Can you find a glimmer of respect for yourself for committing to the work of therapy? The sooner you start, the better.

[emily_in_nc]

Here it is- Sometimes in life you have to slow down and lower your expectations of yourself.

+1

I used to ride 3000-4000 miles a year. In 2004 I rode 4 centuries in 6 weeks. I used to be a fast "B" rider and could hang with some pretty strong riders in the bike club on weekend rides. I used to average 16-18mph on my rides on my carbon go-fast bike.

In 2005, while training for a spring century, I had a bike accident (collided with my husband while trying to escape two dogs running onto the road at me), broke my pelvis in three places, had to have surgery to put in a 5" metal plate and four pins in my ilium. Everything changed in the blink of an eye.

Now I ride about 750 (give or take) miles a year. I ride a Bike Friday folder with a rack pack (so practical!) and primarily do rides of 60-90 minutes. I haven't done an event in since '05. I average 12-13 mph. I often get pain on the upper part of my buttock that limits the mileage I can do and my ability to do back-to-back rides. I've done a lot of PT, but still the pain recurs.

Yes, I could be moaning and groaning about it, but instead I found other things I enjoy doing. I never ran or hiked before my accident. Now I do both. I also enjoy weight training, long walks with my dog, and have taken both yoga and Pilates classes, which were great. Cycling is still great fun, but I do it more to run errands now. I get great pleasure going to the markets on my bike rather than driving my car. I bought a mountain bike and started riding trails. I ride a cruiser bike at the beach.

I guess it's the old saying "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade" for me. After my accident, my inability to spend as much time doing intense road cycling actually opened up my time to make room for new activities that have proved to be equally enjoyable. Variety decreases the chance of overuse injuries too.

It's all in how you look at it. It sucks that you have a disease, and you may never be as fast or competitive as you used to be. But that doesn't mean you can't still enjoy the activities you can do for the intrinsic pleasure they provide, not just for the winning.

Oh, and I'll be 50 in April. It's never too late to try new things!

Good luck!

[emily_in_nc]

Emily, I thought you were younger than me.

Heheh, had you fooled! Actually most people think I'm in my early 40s. But I think that's as much because of the way I act as the way I look. I'm pretty hyper.

I've decided that I'm really going to embrace turning 50. When I turned 40, I didn't want anyone to know. I didn't look 40, didn't feel 40, and thought that sounded so "old". That was a hard birthday for me. So, I didn't mention my age to most people through most of my 40s; I just let them keep guessing. Now, I've decided that since I look pretty fit and youthful for 50, I'm not going to shy away from revealing my age. Perhaps I'll get a few responses along the lines of "No way! You don't look 50!" If so, that will make me feel pretty good. And if not, I'll try not to care.

[Biciclista]

D A M N, knott, you rock... No wonder your son is so cool!

And to you, dear original OP(Original poster) you are only 40. I will be 60 this year. No one survives this race we are all in. The way I see it, the more that I do, the more that I can do, the more I am winning. For my family, my sons, my friends, that is what I can do, be a good example, set higher standards than the last generation.
If you're only 40 and you're already losing height, you should be looking into your intake of Vitamin D3 and calcium.
If you have arthritis, that means you better keep moving.
if you're in pain and depressed you need to ask yourself why. We can't answer those questions for you. But while you're sitting in on your own pity party, the rest of us are walking through the mud and advancing the best we can.. As you should do also.

Welcome to team estrogen!

"No sympathy, please."

Fine, I can give you "no sympathy."

Pull your head out of your b*tt. Forty? Big F-ing Deal. Most of us are older than you. Don't put US down as you so enthusiastically chop yourself down in a bid for the sympathy you say you don't want.

Pull your head out of your b*tt. RA? Big Whoop. There are folks with other gawd-awful immune system disorders here. Whine if you want to, but acknowledge the fact that you want to whine, need to whine, and want some hugs. We give them out freely.

Pull your head out of your b*tt. Gained weight? Big fat heiney, let's have a pity party. I've gained 55 pounds in the last 3 years. I was a size 10, now I'm a size 20 or 22. Stress, stress, stress. Tough sh*t. You are responsible for your own weight. Accept what you weigh, or change it.

Pull your head out of your b*tt. Triathlons? Big huge tearful stupid loss. They are still out there, go do them. Who gives a rip if you are in the top or in the a$$ end of the pack? I don't. Why should you? The joy is from DOING the thing, not from kicking someone else's tuchus. Afraid of all the young things in the lower age category, then do something like the Danskin or the Trek and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Look at all the cancer survivors in those first waves, and get a sense of perspective.

Pull your head out of your b*tt. OT? Come on... the "other therapy." You're not gonna let some PT read you the riot act, are you? Stand up, be proud of your career change and your new degree! If you don't like it, do something else. But don't complain in some back-handed way about how hard OT is. Yes, healthcare can be massively draining. Say so! Ask for help if you need it, but be sure you want the job enough to love it and fight for it and ASK FOR HELP IF YOU NEED IT!!!!! Seriously, we all need help... change your title to "Sympathy, please." Honesty is the best policy.

Pull your head out of your b*tt. "Is this all there is?" Yup, this is IT, honey. Make the most of it. That's all anyone can do.

-Knott, who has evil PT powers and is not afraid to use them.

[OakLeaf]

I totally hear you all who've taken the OP up on her thread title.

I'm probably projecting, but I hear a LOT of self-loathing in the OP. I could almost have written her post once, as a teenager, in response to a temporary injury that only sidelined me for a few months. Did I deserve sympathy for the injury? Well, no, not really. But did I need someone to help me through the depression with sensitivity and understanding? Yeppers.

I know the OP is the only one who can choose to stop hating herself body and soul, but if she's anything like me, all she's probably hearing (even though it's not what any of us is saying) is that we hate her too. ZA, that's not the case, and I hope you can hear what everyone in this thread is trying to tell you. As Knott said, we tend to be generous here with sympathy and hugs. Honor your need for those and trust us not to harm you. Ask and you will receive.

[tulip]

Wow, I am really shocked at the hostility to Z's post. I don't see her as holding a pity party. She's tired and in pain and depressed. She has serious issues she's dealing with. Telling her to get her head out of her a$$ seems to be a unnecessary and uncalled for. We all have issues, and what may not be a big deal for one may in fact be a huge deal for another. It's all relative.

Z--please reread Shootingstar's post. It's the one that resonates with me. Learn to enjoy riding a bike and being active. Learn to appreciate living, and for me that means appreciating really taking the time to experience all sorts of things. That means Slowing Down. Whether on purpose or forced, slowing down has all sorts of advantages.

As for the depression, do consider counseling. If appropriate, the counselor might determine that medications would be appropriate. None of us can make that call. None of us can judge your pain, either. We can only tell you our experiences that we have learned from.

Best to you.

[shootingstar]

zombav,

I really don't whole lot to add since I don't have a pile of physical ailments (yet) like others here. But I recently lost my sister who as we found out too late, was quite depressed. She died by suicide.

We have our struggles at different stages in life.

Live your life well and in the now. You are alive and it's a gift. Cycling is a gift. I am reminded of this when I see anyone in a wheelchair.

[NbyNW]

Live your life well and in the now. You are alive and it's a gift. Cycling is a gift. I am reminded of this when I see anyone in a wheelchair.

Good point, except I take issue with your analogy of a person in a wheelchair. This implies that someone else is worse off, so you should be grateful for what you have. Which should NOT be the point. And should not make Z's challenges any less valid.

My colleagues who are in wheelchairs and/or are advocates for the disabled tell me that the person in the wheelchair doesn't want your pity; they are grateful for the mobility and independence that a good working wheelchair offers them. Whether they have needed it their entire lives or it is an adaptation that was needed later, the point is that you find a way to live your life meaningfully with what you have. Everyone struggles with this at some point. The when, why, how, comes in so many forms. It's not easy, but if you want to you will find a way. Some days you will want to take the path of least resistance and that's okay. Other days you will be branching out and trying new things.

Good luck, Z. When you are ready we want to hear your follow-up, that you are taking positive steps for yourself. Take your time and be patient with yourself.

[spokewench]

Welcome Z - I see there's a little controvery in this thread, but believe me, everyone here has your back, no matter how they write their words. We've all been there where you are in some way in our lives; if it is injury, illness, pain and desolation. We've all had setbacks, some temporary and some not so temporary.

What we all have in common is that we care about others, we love bikes, we believe in a healthy lifestyle and all of us, in our own way, go out to achieve things that we didn't think we could do.

I can understand you being depressed at being told that (perhaps) you won't be able to do exactly what you have been doing in the past. You might not be able to increase your time in a tri; or whatever it is that you really are passionate about. This depression is normal.

However, many of us are even older than you are and I think want to offer you a perspective that perhaps you have not thought about yet since you are only 40 and relatively young. What I have found with age and aging is this. Nothing stays static. Everything changes and changes constantly.

How we deal with those changes is what makes us successful and happy with the aging process. Sometimes, we deal with an illness and injury by changing even more; chosing a different sport, doing different things that give us satisfaction, changing our outlook in what we do do so that we can still enjoy the great things that life has to offer us.

I have watched many people age, not just from 30 to 40 or 40 to 50, but I have watched my parents generation age too. The people that I find most fascinating and inspiring are those people who can embrace the changes, find a different or better way to do things, and live life to the fullest that is possible for them.

So, take this setback for what it is, and step forward with an attitude that you will make this work for you. That, you will learn and grow from this and that you will find a way to make yourself happy!

Please don't run away from this forum, these people are good at heart and I think you can gain from a different prospective right now. Take heart, the disappointment will fade, the depression will go away, and move forward with a good attitude. You may find that you will have a greater passion for life!

spoke