For me, losing my dad was the hardest thing I've had to go through in life. Much harder than losing beloved grandparents, friends, dear pets, even miscarrying my one and only IVF pregnancy after years of struggling with infertility.

My dad had his faults, and we had fought hard over the years, during my parents' divorce and after, but had become friends as adults. I had huge admiration for him and his accomplishments, even though I still had some resentment over things that happened after he and my mom divorced and after he married his second wife. But no one looked at me like he did. I could always see the love in his eyes. I was always his only daughter, and I knew that meant something to him.

It took me months to stop crying after his death. He died suddenly (in a car accident), so I had no closure and was both angry and grief-stricken at the same time. I never imagined how difficult it would be to lose him, even though I only saw him a few times a year. I didn't go to counseling, but I did read a lot of grief books. Mostly, it just took time - way more time than I imagined. I didn't get back on my bike for over eight months after he died, and I had no desire to do anything social for about the same amount of time. It's been 5 years now, and I am much, much better, but I still miss him like crazy and guess I always will.

Good luck to you, badger. Time is your best friend now.