Bike vs truck

[Crankin]

PM coming...

[Melalvai]

Over the break I used the positive cognition a LOT. I walked & ran a lot, and I got a little of that anxiety when cars overtook me, so I used the mantra "I am safe, I am loved" when I got that anxiety. I also practiced it at bedtime and waking up.

On Monday I decided to ride to the pool. I pretended like it was no big deal. By that I mean that I frantically thought about anything else in the world besides the fact that I was getting on my bike for the first time in a month. Right away there was an overtaking vehicle and the anxiety came on just as strong as before. It took my breath away nearly. Then I remembered what I was supposed to do, use the mantra, and doing it distracted me from the anxiety.

Having practiced it so much with walking & running really paid off. After that first big wave of anxiety, I haven't had another like that, just little bits of it which are easily fended off. And in between I'm enjoying riding, because I got monkey lights for Christmas and they are BEAUTIFUL, and the sunset tonight had a stream of pink light shooting up through a cloud which was beautiful. And a (an?) opossum ran away from me.

The other thing was flashbacks, and I haven't had nearly as many of those. I did have one on my bike and I was able to think back and figure out what triggered it--it was just a big mack truck that had kind of resembled a fire truck. Silly. Anyway when I caught myself in the flashback I went back to the mantra.

As far as journaling, I've found that difficult, which is odd because I love to write (and talk) and I've kept a journal in the past with no difficulty. The reluctance is because I know I ought to write about the wreck and I still don't want to think about it. But one day I wrote about a topic that peripherally touched on an aspect of the wreck, and I got really angry again at the officer who didn't give anyone a ticket. My heart was pounding and my face was hot, I was so angry. I put the journal away immediately. Then a few days later when I came back to it--I wasn't angry at him anymore.

I've biked every day this week. I am hesitant to say I'm back on the bike, because I thought I was before, but it's looking good.

I had my second appointment with her today. I hadn't been sure I'd go back to her, because I wasn't totally impressed, but her 2 suggestions had been very helpful so I was willing to go. I was a little leery of the 3rd suggestion, because I don't want to remember the wreck at all. But she said I was doing very well and didn't need to come back, in fact it was only a half session today. So I don't have to do the remembering the wreck.

Not sure how I feel about that. She's taking my word for it that I'm ok, and I don't know that I trust my judgment. She did say that I might improve steadily for a while and then have some days that get worse, but overall I'll probably continue to improve. And that if it turns out that isn't going so well to give her a call.

She also said at some point well after this (like after this wreck is well behind me) I should probably investigate my feelings about the car wrecks that have killed my little cousin & a classmate here & there, because she thinks I took up bicycling as a way to have control over those fatal wrecks.

Even if I have to stop again at some point, it's good to be riding my bike for now.

[Crankin]

Glad the mantra is working.
However... I find it a bit strange she terminated with you after 1.5 sessions. Even if she really believes what you feel and say, this is not usual practice. At the least, you would schedule a final session, to wrap up and process what has happened in your sessions. It's good that she left the door open, so to speak, but even if things are going well, it seems like she would want to check in with you in 2 weeks or a month. Things like flashbacks and intrusive thoughts don't go away so quickly.
Just my opinion.

[badger]

oh wow, talk about being in a daze!! I missed this completely. I'm glad that your daughter's okay and that you're getting counseling!

I think people take for granted that a shock to the system takes a long time to sort through.

I was hit as a pedestrian in a crosswalk. Thankfully I only got away with major bruising to my hip, but I'm always paranoid crossing the street now. But preoccupation is so deadly - almost the exact same thing happened to me last week while crossing the street. 100% right of way but some loser shot through to turn left. Probably didn't even bother to look for pedestrians. I was fiddling around with my thumb holes in my sleeves as it was raining and then *whoosh* and *honk!*

The car I walked past and waiting at the light saw all this and honked at me to warn me. It startled me to no end but the loser speeding through a left missed me by a couple of inches. He was going like stink, too, so had I made contact, I would've been a whole lot worse than a bruised hip.

People are in such a rush these days, but it's always so so important to be aware of what's going on around you and not assuming that you're safe just because you have the right of way.

sorry it's kinda turned into my own rant. But I'm really glad you're getting the help to move on!

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

People are in such a rush these days, but it's always so so important to be aware of what's going on around you and not assuming that you're safe just because you have the right of way.

One of my personal biking mantras I say to myself in traffic is:
Just because I am supposed to have the right of way doesn't mean others are going to give it to me.

I mean, who always 'wins' in car vs. bicycle collisions? Frankly, having had the right of way doesn't really matter when you're dead. These are just things I keep in mind when i'm biking. I always assume drivers are going to do the wrong thing. When they do the right thing it's a pleasant surprise.

[Melalvai]

badger, I had that reaction a couple days ago when an SUV ran a stop sign. She slowed down but didn't look and went right on through! I was already in the intersection when she approached it. (Not that it is such a huge intersection--I was moving slowly because of road conditions.) So I couldn't have done anything if it had occurred to me that she might not stop.

It just took me by surprise. Even though once or twice I've had similar experiences, they are rare enough that I forget them in the interim and I just expect people to stop at stop signs, because they always do.

It could have happened just as easily if I'd been in a car instead of on a bike. I suppose the same is true of her--only her SUV is so much more deadly than a bike!!

[RidingBuddy]

I'm so sorry that you are going though all this. It's been a while since your last post here on this thread and I wondered how things were going for you. I've been in a similar situation and felt many of the same emotions.