Dear Mr. Google,

Thanks for the big ole' smack upside the head. You probably aren't the most empathetic messenger, and you did a bang-up job letting me know that the ex is getting remarried. Yeah, you don't break that news very gracefully, do ya'? You should know that I ditched Facebook for wasting my time on stuff that does not move me forward in life. Consider yourself in the same category. It's strictly business from now on. If it's not business related, I don't need to know.

Your former friend,
tulip

ps, even though this is positive step in the grand scheme of things, it's not something I need you to help me dwell on.