venting frustration about a lost month-long

[marni]

October is when I get all the yearly poke and prod, smash and mash check ups done . It started out with a routine mammogram, which degenerated into a second mammogram two days later, which was followed by a needle biopsy to diagnose a ductal carcinoma in situ a week later which led into a meeting with a breast surgeon and an oncologist and the decision to do a lumpectomy with the option of going in for a second lumpectomy two days later as necessary. In between, I hit the dentist, which was relatively painless and short, and a well woman check up/ pap smear/ fasting blood work which both had to be repeated because the results were inconclusive. Then I had to register for the lumpectomy which is scheduled for Thursday the 28th. so last Friday I went in for blood work, yet again. I had a student who took a stab at each hand and at each inner elbow and then gave up and turned me over to a nurse who had another two stabs at the backs of my hands and at my lower arms, followed by yet another nurse who finally got a viable result on the third try. Today both my arms and hands are black and blue and purple. I look like a druggie after a bad session. Did I mention that I bruise easily? It was painful to do anything with my arms with the trainer but I persisted and we did a lot of pylometrics and core instead. The follow up consultation,after the lumpectomy which may or may not lead to having to schedule another lumpectomy depending on what they find, will be a week from the 28th so there is another blood letting session, another long commute, long wait etc and possibly another forced hiatus and another training day lost. In the meantime Dad needs to see a dermatologist for a couple of pre-cancersous skin tumors on his back, and an eye doctor about his retinitis. That will take us almost into the middle of November.

I am not worried so much about the lumpectomy as they keep reassuring me this is precancerous, but not cancer, it is neither aggressive nor invasive yet and I have great faith in both ladies . What I am frustrated about is that every one of these incidents except for the blood draws has required a 48-72 hour no physical activity recovery period.

My FIL who lives with us, works with a trainer in the gym on Tuesdays and Fridays so I go and do an hour of cross training or cardio while he works with the trainer, then by the time we get home, have lunch and I get him settled for an afternoon nap or whatever it is often 3:00pm and the schools are letting out and every possible access road is full of SUV idiots on cell phones driving to get their children, or trying to get through, and or school buses as well. I work with a trainer on Mondays and Thursdays, which used to mean that I had two days to ride,Tuesdays and Wednesdays, but no longer because of Dad's schedule.

My best bets for getting in any riding time is to ride in the afternoon on Tuesdays or Fridays,fighting commuters and school buses going and coming or do back to back on Saturday and Sunday. Needless to say the dr.s are usually only available on Wednesdays and Thursdays, so I have been letting dad take my friday session when I can't do it, or can't take him to the gym because I am on the way to or already elsewhere, but I am feeling very frustrated by the lack of biking time. Snatching and hour here and there and then having to take two to three days off sucks.

Maybe tomorrow night I will have two beers and a pity party- Can you tell I am routine oriented and don't take changes kindly?


thank you for listening, and now back to your regular programming. :}

[azfiddle]

Hang in there and good luck on the upcoming procedures. Sometimes you just have to let it out...

[jelee1311]

That blows ,I'm sorry. I think at this point for sanitys sake even though I loathe the trianer Id plug in my I pod and ride. Just until you get your life back. Good luck on your procedure and with your dad and give yourself a break

[OakLeaf]

(((((((marni)))))))

Take good care.

I wish you the absolute best, speediest and most complete recovery with the choices you've made.

Do keep in mind that you always have choices. Read, read, read.

Gentle hugs to you.

[indysteel]

(((((((Marni))))))). I'm so sorry. As Oak said, I hope you have a speedy and complete recovery and that you're soon back to your routine. Hang in there!

[Catrin]

What everyone else has said Marni - hoping a fast and speedy recovery and that all of this will be over before you know about it.

I certainly understand being routine oriented, just hang in there!

(((Marni)))

[redrhodie]

Wow, that's a lot. Take care of yourself. Things will be better soon.

[lph]

Marni, I had to smile a bit reading this - I'm not laughing at you, honest, but it sounds just like something I would do: in an effort to be efficient and on top of things I'd schedule a million things to do all at the same time, then complain afterwards that they were messing up my schedule

I know just what it's like to have to miss regular exercise, and it sucks. Just upsetting my routine can make me cranky, even if it's to do something nice. Everything gets so stressful when you have to think about what to do all the time, instead of having things run smoothly.

Have the stabs, have the pity party, and come roaring back full of pent-up energy when it's all done!

[jessmarimba]

I also think the pity party sounds like a great idea! Hope everything calms down soon & you can get back to your routine.

[arielmoon]

((( marni )))

[Crankin]

I get grouchy with a change of my routine, too. Personally, I think it's even more important for you to have your routine now. Do you have lights on your bike? Maybe you can do some "dark time" rides.
Good luck. You have the right attitude.

[tulip]

Interesting idea, Muirenn. My most serious cycling crash occurred on a Navy base. It was after 5pm and EVERYBODY was gone. Actually, by 4:40 they were gone. When I crashed, that was a problem. I did not have my cell phone with me, and neither did my riding partner. There was no one around, no one to help. It was a long wait for a car to pass. Well, I was unconscious by the side of the road and my riding partner said it was a long wait.

The ambulance came, so I've been told, and then the helicopter, so I've been told.

The lesson is to bring a cell phone, make sure it is fully charged and that it actually works on the base, and ride with a buddy if possible. It would have done me no good to have a cell phone, since I was knocked out when I fell on my head. But it would have been very good if my riding buddy had had one.

I hope you feel better, Marni.

[PamNY]

You have a lot to deal with. Good luck and take care of yourself. I hope you can work out riding.

Pam

[marni]

dear everyone,

thank you for listening so sympathetically and offering such good advice.

I amcoasting until I get through the lumpectomy and then plan to use my two days off to come up with some alternate biking plans. Unfortunately I do not have a military base around or I would pursue that, but perhaps with enough creative side roading through developments I can avoid all but about 15 miles of school zones and heavy traffic. My night vision is not so good, but I may check it out with a light and see if I can't at least ride through the neighborhood roads which have street lamps.

I am still blue, black, purple and a sort of sicky yellowish green on both arms but the back of my hands and wrists have cleared up. If I have to have any more blood work done I will loudly and frequently request somone other than a student and will not allow so many attempts. I was sort of bemused through the whole thing because I was still trying to absorb what the Dr. said, but when even my trainer threatens to call up the lab and complain on my behalf it sort of gets my attention.

Anyway, thank you for listening. This too will pass, and even though it is a change in my carefree ways to take care of 90 year old FIL, I would rather have him here with uswe than moldering away somewhere so..... I am going to have to pull up my bootstraps, hoist what's left of the ta tas and learn to cope. No doubt two days of drug induced sleep while I recover will help. Plus there is a cold front promised for the weekend and next week which means I won't be riding in 90 degree heat but might actually get some temps in the 80. Whoo hoo tra la tra lay!!! All the more incentive to pull my proverbial **** together.

marni

marni

[colorisnt]

Marni,

I hope it all goes well and you feel better soon!

If you were nearby, I would bake you something and bring you a bottle of wine and let you get it all out. I just recently did this with a friend of mine who is having an equally rough October (and so was I!). It was theraputic and I HIGHLY recommend it.