Depression

[Crankin]

Alexis,
I know how frustrating it is to wait for your pysch appt./deal with the system in general, but despite the pcp's silly comments about vit D, at least you have some meds to help out.
If you want to talk more specifically, until your appt., feel free to PM me. I'm just a lowly intern therapist, but I've been treating clients for a year, so I'm willing to share ideas with you.
The suggestion about acupuncture might be something to think about. I was very hesitant to try it, but it helped me tremendously during a period of extreme anxiety. It didn't work immediately, but I did get relief during the sessions and right afterwards, and then about 2-3 weeks later, I noticed a change in my level of anxiety and my ability to just function better. I went to a traditional practitioner and I was able to negotiate the price with him. My insurance would pay if I went to an MD who was an acupuncturist.
Try to stay open to trying new modalities. You never know what might be successful for you.

[indysteel]

Alexis,

Try to stay open to trying new modalities. You never know what might be successful for you.

+1. I've had periods of episodic depression over the years and yoga has proven to be quite effective in helping me keep a check on my stress level and mood. It helps that I found a very supportive studio where I've met any number of caring and intuitive people. It's someplace where I can count on getting a hug.

I am truly sorry you're feeling low right now, but it sounds like you're well aware of the need to be proactive in dealing with it. I wish you all the best.

[alexis_the_tiny]

Thanks guys. I'm actually open to yoga, just not acupuncture because needles scare me s**tless. Maybe its just me, but I don't think regular panic attacks can do much for depression. =p Yoga, I know helps because I took yoga classes for a while and just being in the class itself was immensely helpful. Another thing I started on is supplementation, vitamin E, B complex and fish oil along with a calcium + D supplement I'm taking cautiously.

Crankin, thanks for the offer, I'll PM you soon. =)

[sundial]

Alexis, I hope you find relief soon and that your mood is stabilized. Full blown depression is like the flu--once you have it you don't ever want to experience it again. Sending a gentle hug and a cup of virtual tea to those who suffer chronic depression.

[alexis_the_tiny]

Sundial, thanks. I've had a few episodes before starting from when I was about 9 or so. Can't really remember when I became aware of this. You're right, its not something you ever want to feel again.

Apart from a certain level of paranoia setting in yesterday, I FINALLY got a psych appointment for next week. Also, when I tweeted about having to take 8 different supplement pills in a go, my girlfriend tweeted back "WOW, you really can swallow". Nothing like a crass joke to at least lighten things up a bit.

[alexis_the_tiny]

Hi, its me. Again. And its the same old thing. Again. This year, I got a job I love doing, got invited to join a bike team which is just WOW, beyond my wildest everything ever, clocked a 30km/h average speed without drafting anyone on a ride.

BUT I am miserable, furious and insomniac. This should be the BEST YEAR of my life ever. But it is far from the best, in fact, its about the most miserable. I haven't ridden my bike in almost three weeks. I need anti-histamines to help me sleep every single night, otherwise I'm up, exhausted, furious and crying until 4 a.m. in the morning. I can't finish a decent ride because I get so furious with everything I start crying an hour into a ride. Therapy is not helping because I'm so furious I don't even know where to start with it and I no longer feel safe expressing my anger anywhere, even in individual therapy. The worst of it is that I can't talk to anyone about what's causing the fury because I'm afraid someone will find out about it. My first two big races are in June. At first I was psyched about them because you know, new team, great training and all. Now I just feel like I never want to race or ride a bike any more. This really blows.

[indysteel]

(((alexis))). I'm not sure I feel competent to give much advice because, to be honest, what you're experiencing sounds serious. You mentioned previously that you were going to undergo a psyche evaluation. What came from that? Did the doctor change your meds? Are you still being treated by a pyschiatrist? I would call them immediately to alert them to your current issues. You absolutely must tell the professionals in your life that you need help. If you can't do that yourself, tell a trusted friend or family member that you need them to make the call and ASAP. Please don't suffer this degree of pain in silence.

Please take care of yourself and keep us posted.