Moving/living in different cities/countries in life

[NbyNW]

7 cities, 3 countries (US, Taiwan, Canada). Did NYC twice actually, about 8 years apart.

Adjustment strategy varies. If I am the prime mover, it's easier -- I am moving towards something, maybe have a job or academic program to plug into. It's nice to have friends and family nearby, too.

It's harder if I am the trailing spouse, as has been the case a couple of times. My most recent move has been the hardest ever in terms of adapting, so I can't say I have a bunch of wisdom to share at this time. You'd think I would be a pro by now, but every move is different.

[badger]

In my life I've had 2 very major moves that affected me quite badly. They were as a child of 10 and 15. Not knowning more than a few words of English, it was really hard to just be plunked into a regular grade 5 class (no ESL classes in that town), it was sink or swim, and I learned to swim pretty quickly. I had integrated myself very well in that town, and by the time my family moved to another province, it broke my heart to have to leave my best friend behind. I would say that experience was far more traumatic than the one at 10.

I went to 6 different schools between grades 1-12. I would say it really affected my ability to make friends. By the time I got to highschool, I had pretty much just given up; it was so hard to keep making and losing friends.

Since graduating highschool, I haven't moved to another city or country but have moved residences no less than 11 times. During my 3 years in university (1st year was spent at home), I moved 8 times.

I've been in the same place for the past 8 years, but will likely move again in a few years, hopefully to a nice house.

[Catrin]

Since I was 18 I have moved a lot! Just mentioning the states (and one Canadian province) in order, I am from Tennessee, have lived in Nebraska, Kentucky, Wisconsin, British Columbia, West Virgina, Oklahoma, back to Tennessee and, currently, Indiana! Most of that was between age 18 and 28.

I am now 50 and since age 28 I've only lived in Knoxville and Nashville, Tennessee, eventually moved to Indiana for graduate school and wound up staying here when I found work.


Whewww and now I am stressing over my first move to a new apartment in 6 years, go figure

[Crankin]

I know you said after HS, but my first move was the most devastating. I moved from MA (a very nice close in suburb of Boston) where it was suburban, but I could still play in the woods, yet I was also just 6 miles from Boston, when I was 15. We moved to the Kendall area of Miami. It sucked. I made friends, but culturally, I was like like a fish out of water. I went from protesting on the Boston Common to girls worrying about sororities. Basically stayed there until my senior year of college, when illness forced me to take a semester off and join my parents who had moved to Scottsdale after I graduated. After that, I had a brief, 3 month stay in suburban Philadelphia (don't ask), when I went back to AZ and stayed until June 1990 (15 years). When I lived in AZ, I lived in Scottsdale, Mesa, Chandler, and Tempe, all suburbs that blend into each other. My last 9 years were in south Tempe, s/o Elliot, between McClintock and Rural (I love saying that... no one here gives directions by, well direction).
In 1986 we took a vacation to the Cape, for a family reunion. Within 2 days DH and i had decided to move back east (he grew up in Philadelphia). We set a target date of June 1, 1990 and we got on the plane on June 5th, 1990. When we came back from that trip, DH got a job with a company based here and then was able to transfer. I spent 2-3 years fighting to get my teaching license, which I did.
Since moving here, I have lived in 3 towns, all northwest of Boston. The first one sucked, but it was what we could afford and it was pretty. The second one was where we really wanted to live and have our kids go to school. We would have stayed there forever, but when DS #2 quit college to join the Marines, we took his college $ and sort of impulsively bought the house we are in now. I never thought I'd be living in Concord, but I love my house and having more shopping, and it's much closer to Boston. The town, well, I could take it or leave it. Because I moved basically, from the town next door (well, really 2 towns away, but the schools are regionalized), I didn't change my friends, stores, dr., etc, and I really feel no connection to Concord.
I expect to stay in MA for the rest of my life. Some of my friends are making plans to move to warmer climes in the next ten years, but I love it here, I like winter sports and I would rather travel and come home to a place that I love. And it doesn't hurt that I have friends in AZ and family in San Diego.

[malkin]

I was born in Berkeley, CA and my family lived in the SF bay area for a while after that. My dad's sales territory was changed to Salt Lake City for a year or two, and we moved to Southern CA where I lived through high school. After that:
Study abroad: France
UC San Diego
UC Berkeley
Study abroad: Norway
UC Santa Barbara
crazy life in San Diego County
move to Salt Lake City. Been here for 20 years, still believe that it is possible to go someplace else.

[jessmarimba]

Richmond & Charlottesville VA, Nashville, Lebanon, & Murfreesboro TN, Albany GA, Naples FL, Charleston, Columbia, and Hilton Head SC, back to Richmond, and now Denver.

I worked as an archaeology field tech for awhile so I moved a lot but I only counted the long-term projects in these cities.

[jessmarimba]

Oh, and as far as adjusting...I'm awful at making new friends in new cities. With the archaeology work I didn't have to, just hung out with coworkers, but I've hardly met anyone in Denver. I sign up for tons of meetup groups and join all sorts of group activities but seem to only meet stalker guys and snooty older women. I pretty much spend a lot of time trying to convince everyone I know to move where I live

[shootingstar]

Well, jesse I met engineers who lived and worked world-wide for 20 years of their career and it's not over for most of them. They would live half a year up to 5 yrs. in the city/country of each construction engineering project.

Some people thrive on living for a few years in foreign locations or different cities. For me, the novelty would wear off after 3rd or 4th job-related move.

Badger- I can imagine how tough it was as ESL student in gr. 5. It was tough enough when I was ESL student starting in kindergarten. My knowledge of English was zero. I grew up in a completely Chinese-speaking environment until kindergarten --in CANADA. This is why I don't feel totally cocooned as a Canadian-born, even though I was born/lived in Canada all my life so far. My experience of learning English mirrors an immigrant. However unlike you, I did cultivate a handful of good friends.

Hard on kids, to move around often.

Crankin- I lost count of your moves. Yea, it's nice when friends and family in nice places...to visit.

Catrin- I dislike packing, moving. I'm a lazy bum-- all that effort!
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If I include childhood, then I've lived just in Canada in 5 cities/towns and 2 provinces.

[bmccasland]

Let's start this off with saying that I was born and raised a military brat. My Dad was career US Air Force. I didn't go away to college (university), home left.
So if we use that as the starting point...

I graduated from university in Tucson, Arizona while my parents moved to Austin, TX. I never considered Austin "home" that was where my parents lived. I lived in Tucson a total of 6.5 years (starting with the last 2 yrs of HS). Counting my parent's house, dorms, and apartments - I had 4 different addresses.
Phoenix, AZ - 4 different addresses in 10 years (said "I do" and "I don't")
Flagstaff, AZ - slightly less than 1 year
Williams Creek National Fish Hatchery, White Mountain Apache Reservation (in the mountains of eastern AZ) - 5 years
Anderson, CA - 3 years (far northern CA, which is culturally different than the rest of the state)
New Orleans, LA - well the suburbs - 8 years
Seattle, WA - 11 days so far

Since I grew up moving - I've only had two stints my entire life at 8 years the same address, two stints of 5 years at the same address, and everything else has been less than that - I guess I don't know how to stay. Military kids learn to make friends fast, and don't really sweat it if you don't get along with someone as one of you will be moving away fairly soon. I wouldn't say relationships are shallow, more like hard and fast. We've been the subject of multiple studies. We also have high divorce rates because we don't really know how to "sit, stay".

In general, I tend to be a loaner, have long ago learned how to amuse myself. If someone wants to come along, that's great, but I do tend to forget to invite others.

[SheFly]

I went to 6 different schools between grades 1-12. I would say it really affected my ability to make friends. By the time I got to highschool, I had pretty much just given up; it was so hard to keep making and losing friends.

That's nothing, Badger! From Kindergarden through the 8th grade, I was in 14 different schools. Stayed in the same high school all through, despite moving at least three or four times.

By the time I was 30, I had moved 30 times. Mostly southwestern Ontario (Mississauga, Cambridge, Waterloo, Kitchener), but also Calgary and Edmonton.

Fifteen years ago, I moved to the US. I have moved 3 times since being here, but have lived in our current house for 14 years - the longest I have EVER lived ANYWHERE, by triple! I have told my DH that the only way I am leaving this house is in a pine box .

I think moving so much certainly impacted who I am. I make friends easily (despite telling my parents in the 3rd grade that I was never making friends again), and am far from awkward in any social situations. Unfortunately,, my younger brother was impacted more negatively by all the moving...

And no - we weren't a military family!

SheFly

[marni]

In the US I have lived in New Mexico, California, Utah, Georgia, North Carolina, Massachusetts and Texas. Overseas I haved lived in the Netherlands, Belgium, France, England, Oman, the Netherlands again, Belgium again,and finally, the Netherlands again.

I am married to a mechanical engineer in the oil and petroleum industry. He has also lived in Saudi, Korea and Doha while I was in the Netherlands keeping the kids in school and centralized.

I imagine a military wife might move more often, but they often have the advantage of a support group of people in a similar situation instead of being thrown out onto the economy and social structure of a new environment every time.

It's been interesting all the way around.

[Irulan]

what is the length cut off? I spent some time in my errant early adulthood moving/working seasonally, and then with DH in the oil field...

Born Chicago, Ill
Grew up East Bay Area age 16 moved out...
then...
Season in Miami
Sierra Foothills
Golden/Evergreen Colorado
Casper Wyoming
Powell Wyoming
Back to the Bay Area
Eastern WA for 20 years now.

[tulip]

Before high school, I lived in seven cities in four states in the US; some repeats; some different houses/apartments in the same city. I stayed put in high school. Since then (25 years), I've lived in eight cities in two countries, some of those I moved back to several times, so it really is more like 11 or 12 moves in the last 25 years.

[shootingstar]

Hey SheFly, easy does it.

Remember, you did not have to learn English in Gr. 5, etc. Any child immigrating to North America from non-English speaking countries, has a serious challenge in learning a language that the dominant culture mandates/legislates on its citizens.

Badger, were you raised in Japan? I know that you are part Japanese. Or maybe it was somewhere in Europe?
Dearie clearly remembers when he had to learn English when he immigrated from Germany when he was 7.

SheFly, I grew up no English in Kitchener-Waterloo until kindergarten. It was an enormous shock on first day of school. It literally feels like being in a different world.

[MillieNZ]

I was born in England where I stayed until leaving school...... then I packed my backpack and traveled through Europe, North Africa, middle east, southern Asia. I then lived in Australia for a while (struggled with the amount of snakes ) before moving to New Zealand where i stayed for 14 years.

In March we moved to Honolulu, Hawaii. Whilst it's privileged to live here, I don't see us staying here forever.... the cost of living is horrendous ! the cycling is so-so, thankfully there's nice social group.

I suspect our next move in a couple of year time will be to west coast USA, anywhere between San Diego to Portland (DH is open ocean scientist)

I enjoy living in different places and seem to make friends reasonably easy......although if we have children then a little more stability would probably be better.