Body Image and other Random Thoughts

[Lise]

It's good to read these posts. Although I'll admit that the topic is anxiety-provoking, so I haven't read everything closely, just did the best I could. I'm 5'8", currently weigh 150#. Since becoming athletic about 3 years ago, I lost 30#, and became much more muscular. I am so proud of the muscles in my legs and arms. I've still got a blobby belly, big breasts, and a flat butt. I don't care about the flat butt. I wish the front were as flat as the back.

I feel huge--like I tower over people. Like my femurs are unnaturally long (they're not). My breasts started to grow in my late teens, and they are now 36D. I don't like the attention I get from them, so I'm not fond of standing up really straight! I forget to suck in my belly all the time. I hate seeing pictures of myself in lycra. Yet...here's a picture of me running the marathon. I love the way I look. I look strong and happy. I'm aware that the black running shorts sort of hide the belly. So what, I have a belly! Sheesh!

My mind SCREAMS that I don't look like an athlete. I respect the women who post here--strong, smart women, cyclists, racers, etc. It helps to hear that your bodies aren't what you think they should be. Because I "see" you all in my mind as heros.

Lise

[Veronica]

Ahhh... anyone who can actually run more than a mile is an athlete in my mind.

It's easy for me to say from 34 B ness.... But stand up straight and be proud Lise. Anyone who thinks you're just a set of boobs is a twit! Besides standing up straight makes your tummy look smaller. I'm speaking from experience here.

V.

[Lise]

Besides standing up straight makes your tummy look smaller. I'm speaking from experience here.

V.

Ahhh! Thanks for the tip!

And thanks for the encouragement, all. I'll reflect it right back at you. What I love about that picture of me is the look on my face. That was about mile 16 of the marathon, and I was flanked by two dear friends who came out to cheer for me. I was happy and proud, and hadn't yet hit "the wall"!

I was thinking today about the questions concerning endurance sports and genetics. Probably something there, although no one else in my family is a runner. My mom and aunt both became cyclists in their 50s/60s. My brother's always been sort of a jock--baseball, hiking, mtb on vacations. My sister...no. Walks, does Pilates. My dad was an athlete, coached high school baseball, died when he was 35 of a brain tumor.

For me, endurance sports "fit" because I know that I have the capacity to endure difficult things. Hard childhood, abusive ex-partner. Even my job is something of an endurance sport--I'm in the middle of a 24 hr shift right now, and delivered 3 babies in 3 hours. So I have the body-knowledge that I can keep at it. I am not fast, but I can keep going. As the marathon wore on, and I wanted to quit, I'd say to myself, "It's a marathon. You might as well keep running."

I know my body image comes from childhood and teen years--I was fat, smart, unpopular, etc. I diligently studied Seventeen and Glamour magazines. I rode my bike, loved to ride my bike, but didn't really know people did that for fun, long distances, or trails.

Ah, well, here we are, and I bet we'd all have a great time riding hard, cooking and eating together. I envy those of you on the coasts who get together! I'll bet there's a lot of laughter.

Best to all,

Lise

[btchance]

I understand what you guys are going through, as I face many of the same problems myself, even though I've never been overweight. (I'm 5'2 and 125lb and usually a size 5) Growing up, I always heard from family about how tiny my mom was, and how I was so much bigger than she was at my age, and I would look at how my mom looks now, and see that she is overweight, just like the rest of my family, and it always worried me that I would end up overweight also, or worse, since I was already bigger.

I've done ballet for most of my life, and still take the occasional class. Once again, I always felt big next to the tiny dancers (many of whom I know have eating disorders), and we were always encouraged to watch our diet and size, when in actuality I was already pretty small, and looking back at some of the videos, I didn't look the least bit out of place. I also competed at horse shows, and in the equitation classes, many of the girls made the dancers look big, and to top it off, anytime one of the other mom's would make a comment to my mom about how tiny they thought I was (I was a few inches shorter than almost everyone), my mom would always go into the "well, how much do you think she weighs?" "about 100, 105lbs," "oh no, she's 115lb" That never helped any, for sure. (I promise I'm not trying to blame my mom here)

But I can still wear many of the same, form fitting clothes I wore 10-15yrs ago. I mean, I still wear the leotard I wore back in the 5th grade, and the same breeches I wore in the 7th, so I know I have nothing to worry about with my size, even though the weight number is increasing.

However, the main thing that has helped me was when I was going through the nutrition class at med school, and I kept seeing all of these numbers saying that I needed to be 112lb to be at my ideal weight for optimal health. I mentioned to my preceptor (a doctor we work with in groups of 4) that according to the charts, I needed to be 10lbs less, and I was wondering how accurate they actually were. He looked at me like I was insane for even thinking that I might need to lose weight, and said that this was an example of why we are doctors who actually who see patients, and look at each perosn individually, and not just getting info off of the chart without ever seeing them, because each person is different and does not go eactly by the book, and that anyone who would think I needed to lose any weight was insane.

I still have issues with my weight, but I have to keep reminding myself that that number comes from my muscle, and that I have nothing to worry about. Sorry this was so long, but I wanted to share.

[bikerHen]

OK, so now a REAL heavy weight with body image issues will wade in! You all think YOU look bad in lycra, try being 5'6"ish and weighing over 200 lbs It's not a pretty sight, especially when you throw in the lack of plus size jerseys, but I do it because riding a bike is going to save me. I have this mental image of myself as an old fat lady pushing a walker and carrying an oxygen bottle. While I can't do anything about the old, I'm turning 50 on Friday, I am doing something about the weight!!!!!

It's an uphill battle and I have to fight for every step I gain. I get depressed because I'm always the fattest person at bike meetings, spin class, and rides. When I tell people I ride a bike, I get the "sure you do" look. I am instantly put into the slow rider/can't keep up catagory. I went on a new group ride last fall that was about 15 miles. The group leader took me aside to ask if I had ridden that far before and was it going to be to much. When I kept up with the leaders through most of the ride she was nice enough to tell me that I was a pretty strong rider. That's why I'm working so hard this winter. I want to start with group riding this spring and definitely want to show the high and mighty, lean and mean riders that THIS Fat Bottom Girl can kick some a$$.

So I press on, because I have no other choice. And what's really depressing is that the process is so sloooow! My husband keeps tells me to be patient, but now that I have comitted to the whole process I want to see results NOW! I no longer get on the scale, the whole muscle weighing more than fat thing, so I look for changes in the way my clothes fit. After all isn't that what it's all about. BikerHen

[Veronica]

It's so easy to judge other people by how they look. You keep fooling them BikerHen and slow weight loss really is better. If you keep biking and eating well, the weight will come off. And even if it doesn't get where you hope, you'll be SO much healthier.

V.

[nuthatch]

Well said, BikerHen!!!

[Dirt Girl]

I'm turning 50 on Friday...she was nice enough to tell me that I was a pretty strong rider.

Well, HAPPY BIRTHDAY bikerHen! If I didn't have plans, I'd try to brave the cold and go on a birthday ride with you. And I've ridden with you--I KNOW that you ARE a strong rider. Like I told you at the meeting the other night, I admire your endurance. I know I didn't last two hours on my first mtb ride like you and the chick did last fall.

Just keep on riding and remember to focus on having fun!

[nuthatch]

My mind SCREAMS that I don't look like an athlete. I respect the women who post here--strong, smart women, cyclists, racers, etc. It helps to hear that your bodies aren't what you think they should be. Because I "see" you all in my mind as heros.

Lise

You know what I see when I look at your picture? A cute, happy athlete! In fact, you kind of look like me (also 5'8", 150#, short blond hair) Hey, I look darned good!

This is such an issue of perspective! Nothing anyone else says can change that "body image" picture we have in our mind. And, YES!, it starts at puberty and the things that happen to us at that age stick with us the rest of our lives. It must be some sort of cavewoman thing...

Age helps with this, but it's still an everyday struggle to remind myself that I'm okay in this department.

[Trek420]

Wow, what a great thread. I'm not sure where to start in applauding it you all wrote such great stuff. Somewhat related thought...I've been mulling this question over, the thought bubble works something like this: do you think we (meaning we TE'ers, athletes in general, endurance athletes in particular) are different? And if so why? nature or nurture that sort of thing.

We've all been there; the family or friend who looks at you like we've got two heads when you say "just a 30 mile training ride", "you're training for WHAT? " "you ride to work? ". much less the date thread that's somewhere here.

For me even if it's a lunchtime walk, it's what my body feels it must do like breathing.

Weight has been a life long battle, I could stand to loose 30 or so lbs but even my Dr. agrees as he points at the weight chart "this has nothing to do with you. this is based on people who do not ride. Loose some weight but don't loose any muscle. If you feel weaker, stop." Good doc!

So I don't have a scale, I go by how the clothes fit (tight right now) and how I feel and how I perform on the bike (pretty good). Thanks TE gals for the reminder, work on the core.

It's always relatively easy for me to ramp up the workout. Not more hours because I don't have a lot of time but harder, add a hill, sprint, spin, more weight. We all see ads for New Years Resolution gym memberships, Fitness Equipment Sales etc that's never been hard for me to do.

So I was thinking that's genetics, my (and therefore Bikeless in Wi's) parents are what you'd call vibrant elderly, my Dad right up to shortly before his death, Mom still thinks little of walking to town although she gardens less than she used to, both sib's and their resulting kids are active-bike, swim, cc ski, climb, have a cousin who does double centuries...is this genetic?

[Veronica]

I don't know Trek - based on my own family - I'm pretty much an anomaly. My oldest sister was state champion in hurdles in high school. She's now at least 100 pounds overweight is my guess. She's 5'8" and weighs 280.

My next sister didn't get cursed with the bulging thighs and she's in pretty good shape. She rides horses. She was NOT at all athletic as a kid.

My three brothers were not into sports as kids, but were boy scouts. One is deceased, one has quite a big belly and the other is doing okay, but his jobs are a bit stressful and cause some blood pressure problems. He's got a little bit of a belly.

My third sister has never been athletic and I would guess weighs 200 - 220 at 5'2".

I'm the youngest and I've always been pretty athletic. Even when I was heavy, I was at the gym a couple of times a week.

My mother is overweight, has been all my life. My father was a smoker and his jobs kept him active so was never overweight.

I was neither encouraged nor discouraged from being active as a kid/teen.

Don't know what it all means. Probably nothing. I wish I could encourage my sisters to have a healthier lifestyle. But I know, change must come from within.

V.

[newfsmith]

I'm about to turn 59 this spring. At 5 feet even (and shrinking) I would still like to get down to 118 from my present 130, but I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that that is not in the cards for me. Annie has met my mother who is 88. She can testify just how much like her I am. The biggest difference is that she has never liked any activity other than shopping. I will have osteoporosis, hopefully as mild as hers. I will get a belly, hopefully a little less than hers. I will get arthritis, I've already had to go up a 1/2 size in my surgical gloves; but hope I will have the courage to do the hip replacement/knee replacement at the right time to maximize keeping an active lifestyle as long as possible. As an adult I have gotten down to the sub-110 that all the charts suggest as a healthy weight for me only during 3 serious depressive episodes. During the latter 2, my DH kept telling me "my body might be considered sexier when I was skinny, but I wasn't. I love when you can laugh, play, cook for us and eat with us. That makes you alive and someone I love." Thanks to modern chemistry, I came out the last episode able to believe him. It took me 83% of my life to get there and I look forward to that percentage shrinking faster than my height. It doesn't matter how long it takes to get to accept yourself, just that you do it (and ride your bike with joy as you do).

[Grog]

Lise!!! I looked at the picture and said to myself (or out loud, I'm afraid...): What a great poster girl for fitness! You look wonderful, smiling, strong. That's fantastic!!!!!!!

[profàvélo]

Dove (as in the soap) has made a step in the right direction, proclaiming, "Real women have real curves." Check out the campaignforrealbeauty.com.

[abuelitodimetu]

Maybe if the dove women were selling underwear, I would buy their BS laden campaign about loving your curves. However, dove wants us to love our bodies, but not too much, since we must be sufficiently disatisfied to want to improve it with their miracle cream. And if the creams do not work (which is most likely the case), well, you are still left with the self hatred of having a soft body.