Quote Originally Posted by Melalvai View Post
I asked around for recommendations. Since we just moved here this summer I don't know anyone well and so my source of recommendations is not someone I know very well. I don't have much info on this doctor which makes me nervous.

We discussed it the night before the triathlon and yet my daughter is furious with me for making the appointment. I know that actually she's just scared and uncomfortable. Hopefully I'll be able to talk to her before Thursday.

Any input on how I can prepare her for this? Any good articles or websites, in case she still doesn't want to talk to me but might be willing to read something?

I told her that if it is too terrifying and this doctor isn't able to calm her down, we won't go through with it. We can always leave and try another doctor. I'm more amenable now to the idea of driving to Columbia to Planned Parenthood, if that would help.

I feel so sorry for her! It wasn't this hard for me, but we're not the same person, and I was a little older, so I have a pretty good idea what she's going through.
Thinking back to 15, I would probably be horrified as well, but honestly I really wish I could have had a doctor that I could have had that relationship with.

When I was 18 and heading off for college, my mom did take me to the family doctor for an exam and to suggest birth control, and the guy was a total creep. It really put me off of asking open questions with doctors until a few years later when I switched to Planned Parenthood, and it's taken me years to appreciate what they could offer to teenagers. I don't think it's exclusive of PP, it's just their culture. If you could find that same relationship with an MD, OB/GYN, or NP, I'd use it.

You may want to offer for her to have the conversation with the doctor by herself. You made the appointment, you can always explain and meet the doctor, and then offer to your daughter to excuse yourself (or talk about it ahead of time, maybe have her give you a signal). If the doctor is good with adolescents, they should be able to talk to her in a way that helps answer her questions, and you at least meeting the doctor might help you feel comfortable (or if you get creeped out, you can stay in the room and just describe the problem and see how they cover it). I don't want to presume that you shouldn't be a part of her solving her problem, but it might be an option, as you said she's a little put off discussing it with you. Tough, since like you said you don't really have a relationship with the doctor yet, so you might just be putting her in an uncomfortable situation.

They might suggest a pelvic exam, you might want to set some ground rules if you're not ready for that (you are still her advocate, and a darn fine one at that). Maybe a second opinion - see how this first one goes, then go to the PP.

I'm not sure any of that actually helped, just more thinking out loud. Thanks for being a mom to your daughter and covering this stuff - as hard as it is for both of you it's the right thing to do.