loaner to couple: desperately seeking advice

[Zen]

Loner and loaner are two very different things, especially in this context.

[GLC1968]

Loner and loaner are two very different things, especially in this context.

Indeed! Corrected my mistake.

[ivorygorgon]

Another loner married to a loner. We have been together for over 22 years. I think about this issue a lot. When we first got together I used to tell DH that I wanted my bed. Then after a few years I used to say I wanted my own room. Now I tell him I want my own house LOL!!!

I am not going to tell you it is easy to be with another person. I certainly don't find it so. I will tell you that it is certainly worth it, and I wouldn't give him up for anything. I will also tell you that I firmly believe that if it hadn't worked out with us, for whatever reason, it wouldn't have been the end all of my existence. I also think I could be extremely happy, overall, living alone.

There is good and bad to living alone, there is good and bad in living with another person. That is just the way life is. Don't overthink things. If it is right, it is right. I think you will know it in your heart.

[TsPoet]

We talked.
He got back a day early. I’ve got to say, any faults that he might have are shared. We discussed the past
Me “um, I’m really a loner”
Him “so am I!”
… and it all went quite well. Then I tried to discuss the future and the conversation was over – we both just sort of avoid things we aren’t sure how to answer, no answer means something like ‘I don’t know’ or ‘maybe’. But, that’s actually a good thing. I think women are future oriented more than men and it’s nice to be the girl in a conversation for once, LOL.
All in all, I’m much happier and calmer now, after reading all of your input.
Thank you all!

[indigoiis]

My DH is a loner. It took him a long time (ten years and a year and a half break) before he could open up to let me be a part of his life. The wait was worth it to me. Although it is hard for me sometimes (I am not a loner, but I am not exactly a social butterfly, either) because he is not typical or conventional in any way, and is very true to himself and quite honest - and sometimes that can get on my nerves. But I let love guide me. Love always wins. I truly believe this! If your heart wants this thing to happen, let it happen, and enjoy it. You can maintain your integrity and sense of independence while still being a part of someone else's life. Especially if you let your heart be your guide!

[RolliePollie]

TsPoet - I hope things work out great for you guys!!! As a long time singler person/loner, I'm sure I would feel some of the same hesitation that you're feeling. It's great that you guys talked and that things seem better now!

I am having the opposite issue with my best friend who is a single guy. For the first time in a rather long friendship (like years), he is seeing someone. And I haven't dated during our friendship either. Unfortunately for me, I didn't realize the depth of feelings I had for him until he started seeing someone else. Evidently I've been living on the hope that he'd change his mind about me. Now I'm feeling completely heart-broken. I can't even eat, which is not something I've ever experienced before! I think the only thing I can do at this point is just stay away from him. I just need to get over my feelings for him because I can't go through this heart break again. I wish him happiness but at the same time I am so incredibly sad for me. Wah

So two totally different endings to single man/single woman friendships I guess? I always thought I'd love to end up marrying my best friend. I guess sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I'm glad yours seems to be working out!!!

[shootingstar]

TsPoet - I hope things work out great for you guys!!! As a long time singler person/loner, I'm sure I would feel some of the same hesitation that you're feeling. It's great that you guys talked and that things seem better now!

I am having the opposite issue with my best friend who is a single guy. For the first time in a rather long friendship (like years), he is seeing someone. And I haven't dated during our friendship either. Unfortunately for me, I didn't realize the depth of feelings I had for him until he started seeing someone else. Evidently I've been living on the hope that he'd change his mind about me. Now I'm feeling completely heart-broken. I can't even eat, which is not something I've ever experienced before! I think the only thing I can do at this point is just stay away from him. I just need to get over my feelings for him because I can't go through this heart break again. I wish him happiness but at the same time I am so incredibly sad for me. Wah

So two totally different endings to single man/single woman friendships I guess? I always thought I'd love to end up marrying my best friend. I guess sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I'm glad yours seems to be working out!!!

Rollie, after awhile, men and also some women, cannot read each other's minds. Sometimes one just has to express heart-felt feelings in a nice way.

I'm sorry the realization came abit too late for you.