I think Irulan made a very valid point. A decision you make at age 12 might not be the only way to go when you are 30 or 40 or 50. And yes, while some people are more naturally loners than others, humans generally have a need to make connections with others... not just romantic connections, but connections.
That said, you certainly can be independent and be in a relationship. And not all men are clueless. From what I see, there's a lot of clueless women, too. This is why it's important to talk about your situation to your guy. It probably does seem really scary to make this kind of change, but people *do* change.
Maybe I am not the best one to give advice here, as I've been with my husband for 31 years. No one would call me dependent, either. At this point in my life, I'd rather be with him than anyone else. Sure, I have friends, and we have very different and separate careers, but both of us tend to want to "get home" so we can be together. We support each other.
When we first started living together, he would be home before me. I would always be in a "bad mood" when I got home and would be mean to him. I thought that coming home and being "nice-nice" was a sign of weakness. Well, after he told me what I was doing and gave me a dose of of my own medicine, I stopped that!
While I know I am perfectly capable of living on my own (and I did for a few years when i was younger), I think I would be very lonely at this point in my life.