loaner to couple: desperately seeking advice

[esmorin]

So, I am only 26 and don't have any divorce war stories to share....but I do share the panic of being with only one person, and the panic if losing my personal space.

My husband I have been married for 4 years next month, and it seems like every couple of months I get this claustrophobic feeling, and consider what it would be like to be single again. But, he is my best friend. Like V said, he hear all my weird ideas and supports me (or tells me they're weird!), but he still listens. I don't always want to share everything, and in fact I have "my" stuff and he has "his" stuff, and really, I like him to ask permission to use my things. I think its respectful, and it just kind of reminds him that more importantly than us being a "we", we are a "me and him", living together in a house.

I like to think of it as: I have my life, and he has his life, and then we have a life we share. I really need to be able to have my own life, my own friends (thought we have many common friends!), my own job, my own interests etc, but then we have all of those things that we share too.

I guess the one thing that I work very hard at every day (which has already been discussed), is that I try to never tell him what to do. I believe he is a "big boy" who can make his own decisions and bear the responsibility for his own actions. And by giving him this - it not only makes makes him very happy (as a VERY un-henpecked husband), but it sets up the expectation of how I expect to be respected and treated in return. I understand that it can be hard when jealousies come into play...and I'm not saying that it's not hard work sometimes. But I just have to remind myself that him as an individual - that I love and respect - is more important than him as my 'husband'.

I get to live my own life, but he cooks for me, and I get to glimpse his cute butt when he's cleaning up our cat vomit

[Zen]

Lots of sick cats around here