I don't do any mt biking, but I can try to help with your road questions.
When they gave you grief were you out front or in the paceline?
When you are in a paceline you should ideally try to stay directly behind the person in front of you. If you overlap wheels (half wheeling) it becomes easier to touch wheels and cause a crash. If wheels are touched it will be you (the person in the back) who goes down. The person you touch wheels with usually isn't affected, but of course anyone who is behind you will have a problem.
If you were out front - Yes in a double paceline you do want to try to ride even with your partner, but I'm not going to get into any arguments about whether you should have slowed down or the other person should have sped up.
Some other main point of pace line etiquette:
This stuff is pretty much all about keeping everyone safe.
Assume the people behind you can't see anything around you. Point out obstacles in the road like big potholes, grates, objects in the road
point out other dangers - like parked cars if they are sticking out, curb bump outs, pedestrians and other cyclists. Every group will have its own prefered hand signals, so try to learn them - example you are on road with no sidewalk and there is a jogger on the shoulder on your right (I guess in your case it would be left, but you get the idea). We would call out "jogger up" or "jogger right" and point behind our backs towards the left because we want to move the whole paceline to the left so that we do not run over the jogger.
If you are on a road with little traffic you may want to call "car back" if you hear a car coming up. This will warn the people in front of you to not pull out of the paceline and to move to the right if they've allowed the paceline to stray out into the lane too far. On highly trafficed roads I usually assume that everyone does not want to hear an endless stream of "car backs" as they are all aware that its busy.
call out "slowing" and "stopping" so that you don't take the people behind you by surprise. Also learn to regulate your speed with as little braking as possible. The aim is to keep the paceline moving smoothly without yo-yoing, which can be dangerous and tiring and is amplified the farther back you are. A little touch of the brakes up front can cause the people at the back to have to really slam them on to avoid hitting the person in front them.
Oh and since you are all training for tri's this may apply. Paceline riding with aerobars is very dangerous, so unless you are doing a team time trial you should never use your areobars during a group ride or better yet take them off!
Hope this helps a bit. If I've been unclear about anything let me know and I'll try to explain better



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