depression

[redrhodie]

My friend is depressed. She wants to get help, but doesn't know where to begin. She has suffered a death of a family member recently, but her main issue seems to be her relationship with her partner. What kind of therapist she should be looking for? She doesn't want to take medication.

Thanks for any advice.

[PamNY]

Does she have a medical doctor who might recommend someone? That can be a good starting point.

[tulip]

She might want to contact a grief support group for starters. It's really worth it to talk to someone, but it can be hard to take that first step, particularly if one is depressed and feeling powerless. Encourage her to start with a grief support group or a women's center.

I had a great therapist that I found on a website that listed Licensed Clinical Social Workers in my area. That might be a good place to start, too.

[rocknrollgirl]

I had to see someone a few years ago for post traumatic stress syndrome after I witnessed a friend killed in an accident. I am a teacher so I asked the
school psychologist to recommend someone.

I agree with the grief group also, great idea.

[NbyNW]

There may also be referral services through her health insurance if she has it. She can call them up and keep it general, just as you said it: grief, strain in a relationship. And then they would provide her with a short list of counselors in her area who also meet her insurance company's criteria for claims & reimbursement.

[Crankin]

All good suggestions. May I add looking at community mental health clinics (usually staffed by LICSWs and LMHCs) or agencies related to religions... Catholic Charities, Jewish Family and Children's Service.
Ask friends, too. Just remember that someone who might be a good therapist for me might not work for someone else at all. It really is all about the relationship.

[channlluv]

Most therapists will give her a brief first meeting, too, to see if they're a good match for each other.

I found that regular exercise really helped me a lot with my depression. I was able to get off medication within a couple of months of regular cycling. I was off the meds for about a year and a half when I was in that car accident in February. Within two weeks of no activity at all, I was having depressive episodes/breakdowns. I had to go back on the meds until I can get my activity level back up, which will be in the next month or so, I hope. (I sprained my wrist and have been unable to get back on the bike for more than eight miles.)

I totally get the no meds thing, but sometimes they do serve a purpose. The difference is pretty significant.

Good luck to her.

Roxy

[redrhodie]

Wow, such good suggestions. Thank you.

Her NP suggested she meet with the mental health person at the clinic she goes to for her annual GYN screenings. She was hesitant because of the clinic setting, but I'll try to convince her to check it out. I think I need to give her an encouraging push right now while she's considering it. I guess that's a good a place as any for her to start her search.

[colorisnt]

I definitely agree with the above suggestions and understand the uneasiness to both see a psychiatrist or therapist and take medication. I have been there myself. I have clinical depression, OCD, and anxiety. I am medicated now, but did try to control it with talk therapy alone for quite some time. I have been helped most by therapists that are licensed social workers. I tried group therapy, too, for awhile, but there are some things I don't care to discuss there, so individual sessions are also important.

As said above, one thing that really, really helps me is exercise. A therapist and/or psychiatrist will probably suggest that she attempt to exercise if possible because it really, really does work.

I hope your friend finds some relief and a safe place to go and discuss her situation.

[NbyNW]

red,

It's awesome how you are supporting your friend through this. Sometimes taking that first step is the hardest! It must be invaluable to have some positive feedback from a friend as she shops her options.

[bmccasland]

There's having a "blue" day, and depression. Depression, you need professional help. A counselor can help. One doesn't always needs meds. Although looking at "self medication" is important, know that alcohol is a depressive.

Also, try not fall in the trap of negative thought patterns. If you only think of yourself in bad situations, STOP IT!

For your particular friend, grief is a process - that sounds so trite. Try to remember the *Life* of the dear realtive. But if it's too difficult, and a grief support group doesn't help, or a counselor (people have offered many places to find them, even the funeral home would have listings) is the next step. My mother never has completely gotten over the death of my natural father, and it's been over 50 years.

I hope your friend gets the help she needs.

[SheFly]

I think I need to give her an encouraging push right now while she's considering it.

Thank you.

Thank you for being such a good friend, and offering to help. Depression is a disease that can ultimately kill (as I know too well, having lost my brother last year). Helping your friend to get the help she needs is an honorable thing to do.

the good news is that she is asking for help. The even better news is that she asked YOU for that help, and you are following through. She is very lucky.

Keep up the great work.

SheFly

[marni]

clinical genetic depression was the dirty little secret in our family and I dealt with it for years before finally seeking the help I needed. I am on medication, long term, probably for life, but didn't find out that four of my sisters and my mother had also had the same issues and had dealt with it. Our family didn't believe in complaining- suck it up and get on with it was the attitude.

I came close to suicide and often spent days wishing I could die before I or my husband acknoowledged that it might be something other than just the winter blues.

Obviously things have changed, not in the least because of regular exercise, finally taking control of things like weight andd fitness and learning to love riding a bike.

Your friend is truley blessed to have you to push her, guide her and support her.

[redrhodie]

Yesterday my friend talked to another one of her friends about her depression. Her friend has been on anti-depressants, and had good advice, and I think it's great she talked to her. I'm really encouraged that she's trying to figure this out, and is talking about it more. That's got to be a good sign.

I've known her for several years, and this has been going on (in ebbs and flows) since I first met her. It's hard because what I see isn't how she feels. She looks great to me, and when she'd say she's depressed, I guess I thought she was exaggerating. I think this is probably a really common reaction, so I won't beat myself up about it. I'm listening now.

Hugs to all of you who have been dealing with this personally. You give me great hope.

[channlluv]

You're doing exactly the right thing, and so is she. It's great that she's talking about it with her friends, and that you guys are actually listening to her. That doesn't happen near enough.

Roxy