For those of us middle-aged, read on.

[HermitGirl]

The "I'm OK with dying" thing ~ well, that brings up a whole can o' worms for me. I go in and out of being morose and okay about it. More on the morose side these days. It seems that anxiety is the worst symptom of peri & menopause that I'm experiencing thus far. I think the whole issue about being afraid of death is more about peri-menopausal changes, hormones, hotflashes, fear of this, irritated by that. In fact, let me say that I'm afraid to the point of irritation of just about everything these days. Anxiety follows me around like a biting dog.

I have read bits of books like "Evolve Your Brain" by Joe Dispenza, and watched a documentary called "What The Bleep Do We Know" and I'm staring at another book a friend lent me, called "The Brain That Changes Itself", and I'm on to the trendy buzz word called NEUROPLASTICITY http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neuroplasticity, and the realization that all of this grief may just be thought patterns gone rampant. That is, my brain is getting so that it won't rest, is always churning over ideas and associating sad/angry/fear experience, all which is tremendously negative and physically dangerous stuff. Getting caught in these thought patterns seems to have a sequence to a very predictable end >>> loss, death, others dying>>> fear. Then the emtional "knee-jerk" reaction about most everything ~ if not on the verge of crying, then I'm mad and a battling cuss. I get no rest from myself I tell you !

As a side, is there anybody interested in reading about this 'neuroplasticity' stuff. I'm talking about the science of how we can train our brain to think positive, to visualize happy selves, to pump out endorphines instead of cortisol, it's heady stuff (pun intended) , but I am not interested in antidepressants . I feel active visualization and lots of exercize w/ healthier diet might be my only option for preventing total madness. I need to read the book again, it was difficult sciency read, and I dropped it in the middle. I would love it if some of you here joined me. "Evolve Your Brain" by Joe Dispenza, and/or "The Brain That Changes Itself " by Norman Doidge. There are likely dozens of books like this available, but these are good starters.

It's tough to reject the antidepressant option so that I can get out of anxiety, and instead to try to reach for something so far inside the core of my being, like with a pick and ax, but I know that relief from these biting dogs of my subconscious is possible. Spiritual Monks and Mystics have practiced for centuries this buzz word " Neuroplasticity ", and science is now making it available to everybody to educate themselves, and to ultimately change ourselves.