For those of us middle-aged, read on.

[shootingstar]

One thing I know for sure about myself is that when I'm scared, I make bad decisions. And I know that I'm not brave, not strong, not capable of living the life that some people do. If I can pre-empt it, I'd rather be spared the decision. If I'm not going to recover the quality of life I specify in the living will, then let me bleed out, don't re-start my heart, whatever.

I don't deny that I am afraid of dying/death. But I fear not aging and never got depressed when I reached each milestone age, 30, 35, 40, 50 so far.

I have not got as far as Oak, about DNR. I have not thought about what I want.

As for quality of life, a few days ago I had a phone chat with my father who has prostate cancer. he is delaying his chemotherapy..tells me his test levels weren't as bad...etc. But the fact is that he has cancer and it will be deadly.

It was very surreal to hear ones' own parent sound so chipper ..and innocent. I don't think he quite gets it that it's deadly. but I didn't have the heart to tell him he was seeing this all abit wrong because this will pull him down into depression and surely, will affect his overall health negatively at a faster rate.

i believe my physician-sister is treading a careful line of leaving the final decision to father to decide when to have chemotherapy but warning him abit ....because when it happens will be a significant degradation on quality of life. He probably is delaying because he is afraid. He's 81 and this is not early bird trace of cancer. Chemo for his situation, will only control cancer growth at his age. That's it.

I am now more willing than ever before, to believe that a person's mental attitude and mental health towards their own aging, sickness and death, also contributes to person's longevity.
Other than the cancer, my father has no other health problems. None. No cardio, respiratory nor neurological problems. This is why it is so surreal.

Sorry, now this is tangential.