For those of us middle-aged, read on.

[Crankin]

It's interesting to note the range of attitudes here and also, how our particular life circumstances can color our attitudes towards everything else.
When I was young, I was married, briefly, to a real a**hole. I swore I would rather "be on the bus trip with the retired schoolteachers," than be married to another chauvinist. I am not sure how someone could live through the late sixties/early seventies and think he could continue treating any woman like a second class citizen. I've always been extremely outspoken about "my rights," which, when I lived in AZ was a bit uncommon. But, I managed to find my DH, who was determined not to replicate his father .
You are right, Stacey Sue; social class sometimes (not always) plays a role in determining these attitudes. Or at least, the role models you see in your family.
I am lucky in that there is longevity and general "good genes" on both sides of my family. I have my medical "stuff," but it's mostly internal, and after my bout of undetermined medical issues a couple of years ago, I just have decided to ignore most of it, use coping skills like meditation, and keep riding my bike. I am a little slower, but, I am working on that. I wish my body didn't rebel against running, and it *is* hard for me to accept that I just can't do it without messing up my hip/back.
About twelve, thirteen years ago, I began gaining weight and looking very menopausal. My friends said, "That's just the way it is." I knew better. I hated the way I looked and felt and I was burned out at the gym. I had been seriously skinny throughout my thirties and pretty much at a normal weight for me from 40-45. My DH had started riding and I was secretly hating him for it. One day, in 1999, I went out and walked five miles, up some pretty big hills, without water, in 90 degree weather. When I came back, he said to me, "If you can do that, you can ride." Unbeknownst to me, he ordered me some shorts and a jersey, gloves, and a helmet, and set up his old mountain bike for me. He had to push me up a small hill on the first five mile ride I took. I saw changes from riding pretty quickly and life pretty much has revolved around the bikes since then.

[shootingstar]

It's interesting to note the range of attitudes here and also, how our particular life circumstances can color our attitudes towards everything else.
.....................................................................................................
You are right, Stacey Sue; social class sometimes (not always) plays a role in determining these attitudes. Or at least, the role models you see in your family.
I am lucky in that there is longevity and general "good genes" on both sides of my family. I have my medical "stuff," but it's mostly internal, and after my bout of undetermined medical issues a couple of years ago, I just have decided to ignore most of it, use coping skills like meditation, and keep riding my bike. I am a little slower, but, I am working on that. I wish my body didn't rebel against running, and it *is* hard for me to accept that I just can't do it without messing up my hip/back.

I no longer quite think at least for myself that genes affects much how one ages..at least in my own family. In the past 2-3 yrs., I've come to realize the enormous legacy that my mother, for it was my mother, responsible for home cooked meals that were mostly healthy in a deliberate way that set the DNA foundation /body type/size and overall general health DNA to the next generation. More of what we become what we were fed within the formative first 5 years of life, even as far forward as first 10 years in life.

What I'm trying to say that even if some of us in my own family gains alot of weight, the person still has the basic body /bone structure that NEVER changes ...if the person chooses to lose weight and become healthier once again. I've seen it happen to several family members already who have made an effort to lose weight and to become healthier.

The previous generation before my parents, lived only into their 60's and 70's .. some of it I'm sure due to lack of ongoing good medical care and preventive medical info. that was not immediately to alot of residents available in their home country at that point in history. Some it also due to stress of a more manual way of life, with less mechanization.

[OakLeaf]

I'm struggling with how to say this, but I'll give it a shot.

I think a lot of middle age in American culture is about "preventing death" and defining yourself as an object of the medical industry.

Accepting where I am right now has been all about rejecting that worldview. In the history of the world, only two deaths have reportedly been prevented: the prophet Elijah and the Virgin Mary - and those were anecdotal and in any event not accomplished by the medical industry.

I've decided that I'm utterly unwilling to sacrifice the quality of my life for the possibility of extending it (often for a rather short time). "Be here now" is my motto. (The flip side - how the medical industry would have middle-aged people live our lives - reminds me of that old saying, "The food is terrible! And the portions, they're so small!" )

I'm updating my Living Will... to be VERY tight and restrictive... and hoping that it will be respected if and when the time comes.

As a milestone, my 50th birthday barely bothered me. I had two goals to complete in the six weeks before that birthday - my first half-marathon and a notorious two-day bike tour that I'd been afraid of since I first heard of it over 30 years ago. So when the birthday did roll around, I was still riding the crest of that exhilaration (and wondering whether, in fact, I shouldn't wait until my 100th birthday for that first full marathon ).

JMO...

[lauraelmore1033]

Dang! We're supposed to age gracefully? I didn't even do youth gracefully, what hope could I possibly have for aging gracefully? (Says Pippi Longstocking at 47...). As for body image, well Dh thinks I am a goddess even though society at large disagrees quite strongly. Too bad. I'm stronger and healthier now than I was in my twenties, so I don't see what the issue is anymore.

[staceysue]

I think a lot of middle age in American culture is about "preventing death" and defining yourself as an object of the medical industry.

Accepting where I am right now has been all about rejecting that worldview. In the history of the world, only two deaths have reportedly been prevented: the prophet Elijah and the Virgin Mary - and those were anecdotal and in any event not accomplished by the medical industry.

I've decided that I'm utterly unwilling to sacrifice the quality of my life for the possibility of extending it (often for a rather short time). "Be here now" is my motto. (The flip side - how the medical industry would have middle-aged people live our lives - reminds me of that old saying, "The food is terrible! And the portions, they're so small!" )

I'm updating my Living Will... to be VERY tight and restrictive... and hoping that it will be respected if and when the time comes.

As a milestone, my 50th birthday barely bothered me. I had two goals to complete in the six weeks before that birthday - my first half-marathon and a notorious two-day bike tour that I'd been afraid of since I first heard of it over 30 years ago. So when the birthday did roll around, I was still riding the crest of that exhilaration (and wondering whether, in fact, I shouldn't wait until my 100th birthday for that first full marathon ).

JMO...

I absolutely agree with you, Oak Leaf. Not just middle-age, but LIFE in America is all about preventing death! We all spend so much time and effort fighting a battle that we're guaranteed to lose, that we lose the joy along the way.

I've had a couple of cancer scares and I remember the extreme suffering I went through because I was imagining what it was going to be like for me to be forced to fight cancer. I wasn't worried about what the cancer would do to me, but the fight. I imagined myself losing my hair from chemo, getting sick from chemo, traveling to doctor appointment after doctor appointment, going through multiple surgeries etc. etc. I had a complete meltdown.

When we fight aging, we're fighting death. When we accept the fact that we're going to die, things get easier.

[Crankin]

I am the first to admit that I am petrified of death. While I don't feel like I am "fighting it," in the sense to prolong my life unnaturally, when confronted with the fact that I *might* have something that would cause me to die right now, I freak out. When I said my family had good genes/longevity, I meant that they all (except my mom) lived into their 90's, with a good quality of life for that age. My dad is 85 and still works. He has "stuff," but it doesn't stop him. He smokes and doesn't exercise; just think what his health might be like if he didn't have those risk factors. Three out of my four grandparents lived to about 92. They all looked great, had all of their intellectual faculties, and generally lived life to the fullest up until the day they died. My grandfather worked, selling scrap metal until his death. The younger people in his field were clamoring for him to retire, so they could steal his accounts! He didn't become financially successful until he was well into his sixties, maybe 70. I just want to be like them.
You know, Oakleaf, my mom had a living will. She was extremely adamant about "no extraordinary measures." But, when she was actually in the situation where her liver transplant had failed, her kidneys were failing, and her heart was messed up, she told my dad and brother she wanted to "keep going" with some of the extraordinary measures they were trying in the ICU. Although my dad and brother made the right decision when it was clear nothing more could be done, I think I know how she felt. She had only just turned 67 when she died; that's about ten years older than I am now.
I guess I am in that "generativity" stage of development now. I want to be around to pass the torch and see my grandchildren when they come. Yes, my life has been pretty good, and I have no regrets, so even though I entirely live to enjoy myself right now, I don't like the thought of dying, either. I don't think it's the medical establishment making me feel this way; it's me... based on the role models I have seen in my family.

[Zen]

I've been very close to death and I'm not afraid at all. I have no family to feel responsible for, just the dogs.
I'm poor and content and curious to see what happens when we die.
I must confess a belief in reincarnation, though. Surely I can do this better in my next life.

[roadie gal]

I've also had a near death experience. It left me with an appreciation for how easy it is to die, and how much there is to appreciate about living each day. I don't dwell on death and it doesn't scare me. I do try to actively be thankful for each day and to notice something about each day that's special. Today, for instance, I noticed that the buttercups are starting to bloom in some of the marshy areas when I was out with the dogs.

It's scary to think of not being around to "see what happens next". But the physical act of dying doesn't scare me.

[staceysue]

About twelve, thirteen years ago, I began gaining weight and looking very menopausal. My friends said, "That's just the way it is." I knew better. I hated the way I looked and felt and I was burned out at the gym. I had been seriously skinny throughout my thirties and pretty much at a normal weight for me from 40-45. My DH had started riding and I was secretly hating him for it. One day, in 1999, I went out and walked five miles, up some pretty big hills, without water, in 90 degree weather. When I came back, he said to me, "If you can do that, you can ride." Unbeknownst to me, he ordered me some shorts and a jersey, gloves, and a helmet, and set up his old mountain bike for me. He had to push me up a small hill on the first five mile ride I took. I saw changes from riding pretty quickly and life pretty much has revolved around the bikes since then.

Oh! That brings tears to my eyes! What a LOVELY man!