For those of us middle-aged, read on.

[Crankin]

Birthdays have never bothered me. I think working with young people and exercising have kept me young all of these years.
I think I look pretty good for 56 years old... I take my health/fitness quite seriously, but not too much else! I feel like the crotchety old lady who has the right to her opinions.

[HermitGirl]

Thanks Biciclista and Catrin ! (I did change my profile details to only show my age, thanks) . I think becoming comfortable with my body AS IS is the FIRST STEP to overcome in this middle age thing. I am still quite athletic, and very healthy, just overweight. I can lose (some?/most?) of this weight, but even if I don't, I want to love myself, and feel sexy , charismatic , and dynamic *as is*. Part of it is the societal teaching women to see themselve's through the male's perspective, and I must change that. I never hated being in my 40's I just was shocked to see my waist line increase 10 inches in 10 years. I have been slowly, perpetually shocked at the changes, but enough... and now I just have to Snap Out Of It !

This is a great bunch of women here on TE, and I think joining up with my old passion of cycling and you all here was the best step I have made in years.

[staceysue]

Society teaching us to look at ourselves through the male perspective is such a huge part of our problems with our self image. Up until very recently, that's the only way I saw myself. My entire self worth was based on whether or not men found me attractive. I think that's what's so freeing about no longer having reproductive ability - it doesn't matter to me, anymore, what men other than my husband think of me.

As far as my husband goes - he doesn't dye his hair, so why should I? I told him I was growing my gray streaks out and he cringed. He said "If I'd wanted to be married to a woman my own age, I would have married a woman my own age." Funny - because he hasn't taken any of my suggestions about what he could do to improve his appearance. I told him that when he started dying his own hair and took the perpetual cigarette out of his mouth, we could talk about me dying my gray streaks.

We get along most of the time and have very similar goals, but he's 58 and has the typical chauvinistic attitude of men that age. It's so deeply ingrained that there's nothing I can do about it. My opinion of myself isn't based on how he, or anybody else, sees me. I've defined what's important to m in my life and I'm "walking the walk" as somebody on this thread said.

"I am who I am and that's all that I am!"

[HermitGirl]

Wow StaceySue, you've got some Sass ! I love it , and direly need some o' that attitude. In fact, I think I'm going to go hop on my mtn bike and ride a little while in the back woods here, and ponder all of this.

[Crankin]

StaceySue, I think your DH has a lot of nerve saying that to you! He thinks it's OK to have a double standard? I think it is definitely *his* perception/problem, because my DH and most of my male friends are of that generation and do not think like that.
I choose not to be gray, but my DH would never say anything if I did. He is a couple of years younger and has been gray for a long time. In fact, last night he caught a glimpse of himelf in the mirror and said, "I am completely bald on the back of my head!" He was seriously distressed over this, but I could care less.
I may want to look a certain way, but it's for me, not someone else.

[TrekTheKaty]

Well, I guess I'm going to be 39 this year--does that classify as middle age? I have more confidence and I'm more comfortable in my own skin than when I was younger. My stylist politely pointed out that it simply means I don't get any more birthdays--"You'll never get any older!" I don't mind the wrinkles, and I'm in better shape than high school. I always swore I'd never dye my hair or have plastic surgery, which means--it is what it is. My sister is 25 years older than me, and she is my inspiration. I don't view her as old. She had never been on a bicycle until 4 years ago. I can barely keep up with her.

While at a ride this weekend, I commented. "Maybe when I get older, I'll get one of those cool looking trikes!" Then I realized, I have trouble keeping up with my sister. Exactly how old would I have to be?!

It's all about self-confidence. I don't care what others think. Besides, my husband and all my girlfriends are older, so I don't get to complain about aging

[staceysue]

StaceySue, I think your DH has a lot of nerve saying that to you! He thinks it's OK to have a double standard? I think it is definitely *his* perception/problem, because my DH and most of my male friends are of that generation and do not think like that.
I choose not to be gray, but my DH would never say anything if I did. He is a couple of years younger and has been gray for a long time. In fact, last night he caught a glimpse of himelf in the mirror and said, "I am completely bald on the back of my head!" He was seriously distressed over this, but I could care less.
I may want to look a certain way, but it's for me, not someone else.

Yeah he DOES have some nerve, considering the fact that he's 18 years older than me and barely even looks in a mirror. He's naturally good-looking and does look younger than he is but still, the age difference is very noticeable because I look younger than I am. If I grow my gray streaks out people will stop looking at us and trying to figure us out.

Besides - it's time for me to sit at the grownup table. It makes me happy to look at people my age and their achievements and think "Wow - those are my classmates. I'm finally an adult." I don't like it at all when people think I'm younger than I am and treat me as if I don't have any credibility. I have been through a lot in my life, and I've achieved a lot, and I've earned every single gray hair.

DH has to have a hip replacement. He has congenital hip displasia and had reconstructive surgery when he was in his 30s. It's worn out and he needs a complete replacement. I'd like to have a few grays showing to help minimize the funny looks we'll get in the hospital.

Maybe it's not all guys in his age group - just blue collar guys in that age group? I don't know, but a lot of men his age in this community do have the chauvenistic attitude. I'm glad your husband and male friends don't - it's encouraging to hear that.

[marni]

I started bike riding at 57. At 61 I am much lighter and much more fit than I was was 4 years ago. I can (one time only) dead lift and press lift twice my body weight, and constantly ride in the highest gear and largest ring and still maintain a pretty good speed and routinely ride 40-50 miles a ride.

Several things combined to make me take charge of my life and determine to live each day to the fullest.

These days, my standard take is any day I can eat breath and pee without help, and don't have to lift the coffin lid in the morning is a good day.

marni

[TriMom217]

I always say, sort of tongue in cheek, that I'm not aging gracefully. But in all seriousness, it seems to be true. I had a real hard time with 30 but 40 was fine. Now at 47 and 50 being closer than 40, I'm ok with that too. I am mostly gray now and my husband has almost given up begging me to grow out my hair. Thanks to some help from our daughter on that one.

Physically, I can be a wreck at times. I seem to wear out and break down way to easy for my liking. Too many repairs done on an OR table for my liking. Rarely does my body feel like I can just get up and go, but that's what I do anyhow.

Mind and spirit? Sometimes I feel beaten by life in general. We got married much too young and have had more than our share of BS, including being haunted by the IRS for the last 8 years. Stuff like that just seems to find us, and even tho it usually works out in the end, I would be fine without all the drama.

Then there are the times when I think my husband must be from a different planet because we obviously don't speak the same language. There is no way he'd talk to customers or coworkers the way he speaks to me, but when I speak up I'm the bad guy. For the record, I'm the "pack leader" here, and sometimes his whining is enough to make me crazy. There are many times I want to just call it a day but then I feel guilty because I feel responsible for him. Sometimes I can totally understand why someone would want to fake their own death just to disappear!

I know I feel better when I get some exercise, so that's what I'm doing. I was going to be happy being an uninjured couch potato, but that doesn't work either.

I loved reading what everyone has written here. Good stuff.

[MM_QFC!]

"We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.”

- George Bernard Shaw

Amen to that!

[Bike Chick]

"We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.”

- George Bernard Shaw

Amen to that!

A double amen to that. If you will note, that's the quote on my profile and it's so true. I'm breathing down the neck of 52 and quit dying my hair 5 years ago. I think having your health and being happy are the keys to growing old gracefully. Yeah, my middle has spread a bit and I'm not happy with how difficult it is to lose the pounds but I'm active and looking forward to retirement. I'm also lucky to have a great husband to share these things with. He completed his first marathon last week and I a half-marathon. I'm proud of both of us. I'm not fast but I'm doing it and having a heck of a lot of fun in the process.

Part of the joy in being this age is that I have outgrown giving a rip what other people might think or trying to live up to their expectations. The hair is gray, I'm not a size 2 anymore, and I move a lot slower but I'm a lot more comfortable in my skin.

[Crankin]

It's interesting to note the range of attitudes here and also, how our particular life circumstances can color our attitudes towards everything else.
When I was young, I was married, briefly, to a real a**hole. I swore I would rather "be on the bus trip with the retired schoolteachers," than be married to another chauvinist. I am not sure how someone could live through the late sixties/early seventies and think he could continue treating any woman like a second class citizen. I've always been extremely outspoken about "my rights," which, when I lived in AZ was a bit uncommon. But, I managed to find my DH, who was determined not to replicate his father .
You are right, Stacey Sue; social class sometimes (not always) plays a role in determining these attitudes. Or at least, the role models you see in your family.
I am lucky in that there is longevity and general "good genes" on both sides of my family. I have my medical "stuff," but it's mostly internal, and after my bout of undetermined medical issues a couple of years ago, I just have decided to ignore most of it, use coping skills like meditation, and keep riding my bike. I am a little slower, but, I am working on that. I wish my body didn't rebel against running, and it *is* hard for me to accept that I just can't do it without messing up my hip/back.
About twelve, thirteen years ago, I began gaining weight and looking very menopausal. My friends said, "That's just the way it is." I knew better. I hated the way I looked and felt and I was burned out at the gym. I had been seriously skinny throughout my thirties and pretty much at a normal weight for me from 40-45. My DH had started riding and I was secretly hating him for it. One day, in 1999, I went out and walked five miles, up some pretty big hills, without water, in 90 degree weather. When I came back, he said to me, "If you can do that, you can ride." Unbeknownst to me, he ordered me some shorts and a jersey, gloves, and a helmet, and set up his old mountain bike for me. He had to push me up a small hill on the first five mile ride I took. I saw changes from riding pretty quickly and life pretty much has revolved around the bikes since then.

[shootingstar]

It's interesting to note the range of attitudes here and also, how our particular life circumstances can color our attitudes towards everything else.
.....................................................................................................
You are right, Stacey Sue; social class sometimes (not always) plays a role in determining these attitudes. Or at least, the role models you see in your family.
I am lucky in that there is longevity and general "good genes" on both sides of my family. I have my medical "stuff," but it's mostly internal, and after my bout of undetermined medical issues a couple of years ago, I just have decided to ignore most of it, use coping skills like meditation, and keep riding my bike. I am a little slower, but, I am working on that. I wish my body didn't rebel against running, and it *is* hard for me to accept that I just can't do it without messing up my hip/back.

I no longer quite think at least for myself that genes affects much how one ages..at least in my own family. In the past 2-3 yrs., I've come to realize the enormous legacy that my mother, for it was my mother, responsible for home cooked meals that were mostly healthy in a deliberate way that set the DNA foundation /body type/size and overall general health DNA to the next generation. More of what we become what we were fed within the formative first 5 years of life, even as far forward as first 10 years in life.

What I'm trying to say that even if some of us in my own family gains alot of weight, the person still has the basic body /bone structure that NEVER changes ...if the person chooses to lose weight and become healthier once again. I've seen it happen to several family members already who have made an effort to lose weight and to become healthier.

The previous generation before my parents, lived only into their 60's and 70's .. some of it I'm sure due to lack of ongoing good medical care and preventive medical info. that was not immediately to alot of residents available in their home country at that point in history. Some it also due to stress of a more manual way of life, with less mechanization.

[OakLeaf]

I'm struggling with how to say this, but I'll give it a shot.

I think a lot of middle age in American culture is about "preventing death" and defining yourself as an object of the medical industry.

Accepting where I am right now has been all about rejecting that worldview. In the history of the world, only two deaths have reportedly been prevented: the prophet Elijah and the Virgin Mary - and those were anecdotal and in any event not accomplished by the medical industry.

I've decided that I'm utterly unwilling to sacrifice the quality of my life for the possibility of extending it (often for a rather short time). "Be here now" is my motto. (The flip side - how the medical industry would have middle-aged people live our lives - reminds me of that old saying, "The food is terrible! And the portions, they're so small!" )

I'm updating my Living Will... to be VERY tight and restrictive... and hoping that it will be respected if and when the time comes.

As a milestone, my 50th birthday barely bothered me. I had two goals to complete in the six weeks before that birthday - my first half-marathon and a notorious two-day bike tour that I'd been afraid of since I first heard of it over 30 years ago. So when the birthday did roll around, I was still riding the crest of that exhilaration (and wondering whether, in fact, I shouldn't wait until my 100th birthday for that first full marathon ).

JMO...

[lauraelmore1033]

Dang! We're supposed to age gracefully? I didn't even do youth gracefully, what hope could I possibly have for aging gracefully? (Says Pippi Longstocking at 47...). As for body image, well Dh thinks I am a goddess even though society at large disagrees quite strongly. Too bad. I'm stronger and healthier now than I was in my twenties, so I don't see what the issue is anymore.