Quote Originally Posted by Crankin View Post
Wow, am I the only one who thinks we shouldn't have to put up with mean treatment by relatives?
No, you are not the only one. Relatives may get more leeway than others not related to us for a host of different reasons, but they do not get a free pass.

I think it's selling the cognitively-whole old person short to assume that just because of the person's age, the person can't change. Bullocks. Change might be uncomfortable and unwelcome, but it's certainly possible and people who believe it could never happen will get the status quo. AND -- it's not up to anyone to change Grandma; all you can do is change your response to her.

Don't reward bad behavior; do reward good behavior. The complaining guilt-trippy letter strikes me as bad behavior. I wouldn't answer it at all. She vented, presumably she felt better after venting, and if she asks you about it, simply say, "Yes, it seemed you had a lot to get off your chest; I hope you felt better after writing it." Then move on to something else. If she brings it up again, give the same response, over and over and over if necessary. You don't HAVE to play her game; it's your choice whether you do.