Wow, am I the only one who thinks we shouldn't have to put up with mean treatment by relatives? It doesn't really matter to me whether the person is older, or not. Age does not give one the right to ruin family relationships, or be selfish or demeaning to others. I'm not going to give any advice specific to this situation, but just a general comment. Respect is earned.
I cut off all contact with my aunt (and hence my 3 cousins) because I couldn't take take her mean spirited, controlling efforts to mold me into something I am not. This is my mom's sister. I thought we would have a mother-like relationship when I moved back here, 20 years ago, but I should have known better. She even tried to control my mom's medical treatment and dying process; thank G-d my parents live in San Diego, so she couldn't do too much harm there. She's bigoted and angry, and gets her information from "talk radio." My uncle died, unexpectedly, when she was 52. I was very close to them, but she just turned into a horribly bitter person after his death. She refused to date (had several offers and is attractive), or get any real help in dealing with her feelings. She totally turned to controlling her own kid's lives. One cousin became Orthodox, from being hardly religious (oh, she made fun of her own religion, too), one is a gun toting right wing fanatic, and the other is her 40 year old unmarried daughter, who she has effectively turned into her "friend" and hence, the poor woman has no life.
You get the picture. I just can't keep my mouth quiet when she starts pontificating; we can't talk about anything without her getting pissed. She realized that she can't control me the way she does her own kids and it infuriates her.