Quote Originally Posted by tulip View Post
I'm sorry, but this bothers me. It's okay for your Aunt to be expected to go to the next state to help with your sister and family, but not okay for the family closest (geographically) to your grandma to help out with her?
Tulip, I think you misread or made some incorrect assumptions. My family does do quite a lot for grandma. My post was necessarily shortened - did not want to bore everyone to tears - and did not go into all the details but the family frequently visits, calls, takes her to appointments and takes her on family outings. It was on a recent such outing that she lurched down this road. Grandma gets a lot of help. She wants more and the help she gets usually is not good enough and not what dad would have done.

No one expected that aunt A should help with the kids any more than aunt B or aunt A should have helped when we were kids. Aunt A voluntarily stated and made promises of helping out. The details of the backing out after saying "I will come down" are many but not really the point. I am looking to respond in a non-debate manner.

Thanks everyone for the feedback. Pam, it was encouraging to see that your suggestions mirror my draft letter to great extent. This balancing act is tippy-toe difficult. Karen and Max, that's exactly how I usually handle grandma, but this time she is not letting it drop and having her up here without responding beforehand will have her constantly bringing it up. Your comments do have me rethinking the letter though. Sigh....