Mom in turmoil/Daughter in Trouble

[Melissa71]

It's so painful and frustrating to see someone you love go through the same problems that you've already gone through. It sounds like you came out on top, and that you're giving her some options. I hope that she takes your advice, and leaves before there are children involved. Just being there for her and supporting her emotionally is good for her, too. Sometimes that's all our kids will let us do. Good luck, you and your family are in my thoughts.

[Biciclista]

Take her to a battered woman's help group. Sometimes hearing it from strangers really helped. My sister moved out from a bad situation less than a week after one of those meetings.

[mariacycle]

I am by no means an expert but after years of watching/listening psychologists on TV/radio, I was constantly hearing these facts:
1) a female that grows up with a negative father figure will often seek a similar male for dating/marriage
2) sometimes only a professional can help
Have you considered asking her to go into therapy?

I'm sorry I couldn't impart any remarkable knowledge on you but please know you are in my thoughts and prayers and I hope things turn around for your daughter. You were very, very brave in your own struggle and I can only pray that your daughter can be half as brave.

[channlluv]

If he has physically threatened her or your youngest, and you have it on voicemail, aren't there legal ramifications? At the very least, a restraining order to protect you and your youngest. He sounds unhinged.

Roxy

[Crankin]

All of the advice you have received is good. Especially the advice to take her to a battered women's shelter, domestic abuse agency, etc.
She needs to restructure her thinking about what a "normal/healthy" relationship is, since as others have said, she did not have the role model for one. Being there for her, for support, both emotionally, financially, and to provide shelter is very important. I can't tell you how many clients I have seen whose lives were shattered by being in a situation like this. The fact that you got out of an abusive relationship on your own, is amazing.
She needs counseling. If she is in school, they should have a counseling center there, that is free for students. Even if it is only short term, they can refer her to other places. And, they might have support groups there.

[ny biker]

Good for you for getting out of that relationship with your husband. It must have been so hard.

I admit I have not been through what you've been through. But I think the people at the National Domestic Violence Hotline can help you.

http://www.ndvh.org/

1-800-799-SAFE

I hate to say this but your daughter is probably in what she thinks is a normal relationship, in the same dynamic she saw with her father while she was growing up.

Good luck.