highly sensitive person

[channlluv]

BTW what is a "rich, complex inner life"?

When the voices and inner dialogue going on in your head is more entertaining than what's going on around you.

I was once doing some volunteer work at a ballet school that involved a couple of hours of detailed work editing photos. One of the teachers asked me if I didn't want to put on some music there in the office. I told her no, that there was a story going on in my head and I was fine. Which is true. Most of the time I've got a story going on, or I'm having conversations with people in my head so that music playing or the TV or whatever is a distraction.

I scored pretty high, too.

Roxy

[GLC1968]

I have been marveling at how different so many events in my life look to me in retrospect since learning about this. I always faulted myself for not having a powerful enough brain to process all the stimuli all at once. I mean, other people don't have this issue, so clearly my brain is lacking, right? It never occurred to me that maybe others don't have this issue because they don't notice every little thing in a new scene all at once. My husband confirmed this - he notices things in a methodical order when he goes into a new place (for example). This made me feel SOOOO much better. It's not that my brain is lacking the processing ability, it is that my sense of perception is too strong. My husband suggested that it should be looked at as a strength, not a weakness or a 'condition'. I like that idea. I'm going to call it my 'super power'.

Anyway, I recalled a situation when I worked in retail. I was the manager of a very large high end outlet store. It was a busy weekend day, and I had probably 25 employees on the sales floor. Customers were everywhere. I had been in the back for some reason and when I came out onto the sales floor, I immediately knew something was wrong. To this day, I can't put a finger on what I saw, but something triggered my awareness and I immediately called in 'reinforcements'. We were under 'attack' by 6-7 members of a professional shoplifting ring. My trained security employees hadn't noticed it but I immediately did. Everyone joked about it at the time, but now I think it must have had something to do with this. Had I not known my own store so well, I might not have picked up on what was out of place admist the overload....but since it was my store and I knew it like I knew my own bedroom, the anomoly stuck out. Funny.

I need to do some more reading because now I am wondering if there is a hereditary aspect to this. My brother is the same way. He would scream about sock seams as a child (I was never that way) and to this day, hates tags in his t-shirts. He also hated (and would freak out) if a restaurant was too loud. I'll have to send him a link to the quiz to see how much else is true for him.

[badger]

by reading all the responses, it's obvious who is highly sensitive, and who aren't. I think those who are highly sensitive understands what's being discussed, and those who aren't poo-poo it.

It's not a diagnosis, but more like what GLC said, a validation for a string of behaviours and "quirks" we've had to live with that are actually shared by others.

One of the things that have frustrated me all my adult life is the fact I know I can do more, yet I'm stuck in a dead end job and not knowing how to get out of it. I know this isn't specifically an HSP problem, but it was interesting to note that a lot of people who are highly sensitive end up in jobs they find unfulfilling and unable to remedy that effectively.

One thing I will say about growing up in a family that never understood me is that my self esteem has never been healthy. Having an overly critical mother and being sensitive to what others say/feel certainly didn't help.

I'm hoping that by better understanding that I'm overly sensitive will hopefully help me in not beating myself up so much over little things.

[shootingstar]

I'm hoping that by better understanding that I'm overly sensitive will hopefully help me in not beating myself up so much over little things.

While there's certain things in person one can't always remedy/correct completely, there are strengths that each person has.

Perhaps it's to figure what those strengths are and go from there.

[lph]

The kicker for me was realizing, as I ticked the boxes, that most of these traits (not all) do apply to me, but as far as I can see, not to most other people. I have colleagues who can happily keep on talking to me even if their phone is ringing, and inlaws who can carry on a conversation with me even if the tv is on. I have friends who can drink coffee late in the evening, most of them will gladly stay on at a party as long as they can. Most of the people around me at a funeral are sad, but not sobbing uncontrollably. I see so many people constantly listening to music, even when they're doing something else as well. I see cyclists and skiers wearing too much clothing, they just seem hot but unbothered and I would be desperately tearing it off.

I just never saw a pattern until now, and just thought I was fussy and had strong habits. I didn't read it as a diagnosis and I'm certainly not buying anything but it's nice to see it's a recognizable and understandable set of traits that many people do in fact share.

[OakLeaf]

by reading all the responses, it's obvious who is highly sensitive, and who aren't. I think those who are highly sensitive understands what's being discussed, and those who aren't poo-poo it.

Okay, I have to say that without looking at the link, I'm guessing that I probably WOULD qualify under most of the criteria, and that's exactly WHY I'm skeptical.

"Too much all at once" is something I've known about myself for years. That's exactly the phrase I use, and my DH knows to back off IMMEDIATELY when I use it. I'm allergic to a broad spectrum of foods and inhalants and some contact agents. When I run, I much prefer to run alone. I'm not agoraphobic (which is a diagnosis), but I'd rather hang with just a few people than a large party. I'm easily triggered emotionally.

What I don't see is the need for some grand unifying diagnosis to explain all my personality quirks. I've been in therapy, and while I don't kid myself that I'm "done," I've learned to cope well enough.

Learning not to beat yourself up is learning not to beat yourself up. It doesn't matter what you might be beating yourself up over.

Identifying physical and emotional triggers, desensitizing yourself to the ones you can, and knowing when avoidance is the best strategy (either temporarily or permanently), is identifying and dealing with triggers. It doesn't matter whether the trigger is ragweed pollen, loud noises or a sad movie.

Knowing that we are members of an enormous majority of people who can't listen an iPod and pay attention to their driving/riding/running at the same time is just common sense, and the fact that we refuse to engage in this dangerous behavior is not a pathology, however unpopular it may be.

JMO...

[Crankin]

Sometimes I am the only one on the train who does not have earbuds on.
The rest are reading a book or doing some kind of puzzle.
I sit and look at the people or stare into space.

Just tore the label out of my new "She loves hills" jersey. Maybe I have it????

[OakLeaf]

And what about the positive side of these traits?

I'm guessing that with a high degree of body awareness, we all eat healthier because we know what foods make us feel like cr*p, and a few minutes of taste gratification aren't worth four days of feeling that way. Maybe we're also in better physical condition, better able to avoid injuries and understand and heal the ones we do get. Maybe our form is better in our physical activities.

With a high degree of situational awareness, maybe we've got great intuition, as GLC referenced. Maybe we're safer riders/drivers if we're less susceptible to tunnel vision. As I said before, maybe we're less likely to listen to iPods, text or talk on the phone while driving/riding/running.

Maybe we've got perfect pitch... or maybe after years away from music when my pitch went flat by a half-tone, I learned that I never really did have perfect pitch, it's just that degree of awareness.

Maybe we can test batteries by licking two fingers and touching them to the poles. (What, can't everyone do that? Household batteries only please no car batteries! )

Maybe we enjoy sex more. Or maybe when there are physical or emotional issues that make sex not fun, we're more likely to deal with them because it's so troubling.

Add yours...

[WindingRoad]

And what about the positive side of these traits?

You guys really should read the books about this, there ARE a lot of positive things associated with HSPs. As with anything have your BS filter on at all times but I found so much of what she wrote about useful to me and especially in my relationships. I don't fit the HSP personality test to a T but pretty darn close. Much of the always feeling like the 'odd woman out' stuff is all too familiar to me. I could ramble for days about these books but I won't because the joy you feel when you find yourself relating to so many people while reading them is amazing. I'll let you find that out for yourselves, I don't want to spoil anything.

[lph]

OakLeaf, with all due respect, I think you're tilting against windmills here

I'll admit that I just took the test and glanced briefly at the rest, but my impression was definitely that the site was saying exactly the same that you are: no, there is nothing wrong with you if you're "sensitive". On the contrary, this is a recognizable pattern and a description that fits 15-20 % of the population, nothing pathological, no diagnosis. And it has positive sides as well as a bunch of challenging points.

For those of you who have been in therapy this may be blindingly obvious, but to me who hasn't this actually gave some insight. And insight makes it easier to identify and avoid "bad" triggers, for one, and feel less guilty about certain things, like being a lot less social than most friends and family.

But I sure could use some of that intuition stuff. Anyone got some to spare??

[indysteel]

I agree to some extent that we, as a society, are overdiagnosed on some level--both for physical and mental "problems." I also agree that some of that is being driven by drug companies. NPR did a great store a couple months ago about just that--as it relates to bone density drugs and testing.

That said, I'm also happy that the research community is spending time, money and energy on mental health and psychological issues. Yes, there's a lot to wade through and we need to arm ourselves with as much information as possible before jumping on any bandwagon, I'm at least glad there is more and more information out there and that mental health is increasingly becoming a topic that's okay to discuss.

But back to HSP. I agree that there are positives to it. I consider myself to be a very emphathetic person, and that's not something I would change. For me, understanding HSP as a identifiable set of behaviors just helped me start to make sense of things. That became incredibly important at a time in my life when being an HSP became a huge liability.

I was working as a young lawyer in a large law firm. Imagine being an HSP in an environment that is completely frenetic? Lots of noise and interruptions. No control over your schedule. People standing over you as you worked. Having to socialize with large groups of people I didn't know. An ever increasing amoung of work. Conflicting deadlines. I almost went off the deep end at that job, and spent a lot of time beating myself up for it. I simply couldn't grasp why I went from being high functioning to barely being able to get out of the elevator each day to go to my office. The job simply overwhelmed my senses.

I eventually left that job for my current job--a job that is very different. Not long after that, I started therapy and ultimately learned about HSP. While I don't think for a second that HSP fully explains why I suffered so in that job. (the job sucked, period), it did explain why my reaction to some of it was just so visceral. It was a very clear indication to me that I had to be careful in choosing what environments to place myself in.

And I'm completely at peace with that. I don't see being an HSP as problematic for the most part. It just informs me on some level of what's likely to feel good and what isn't. I also don't ruminate about it all time. In fact, before this thread, I hadn't thought about it for several years. It's an interesting topic to revisit though, as I think it might be helpful to view some of the issues I'm currently dealing with through an HSP lens.

[Jolt]

Sometimes I am the only one on the train who does not have earbuds on.
The rest are reading a book or doing some kind of puzzle.
I sit and look at the people or stare into space.

I often listen to music on the train...it helps me block out the obnoxious cell phone conversations, screaming babies, etc. That, in turn, makes it a little easier to try and read/study.

[PamNY]

Sometimes I am the only one on the train who does not have earbuds on. The rest are reading a book or doing some kind of puzzle.
I sit and look at the people or stare into space.

Just FYI, I seriously dislike people who stare at me on the train. There is a very fine line between "looking at" and "staring at," I realize.

[GLC1968]

For those of you who have been in therapy this may be blindingly obvious, but to me who hasn't this actually gave some insight. And insight makes it easier to identify and avoid "bad" triggers, for one, and feel less guilty about certain things, like being a lot less social than most friends and family.

Exactly.

Let me suggest how insignificant this is in the grand scheme of my life. I've NEVER been to therapy and I consider myself an exceedingly well adjusted contributing member of society. If I'm not happy, I blame only myself and I take steps to change it. I have lived a very positive, very fullfilled life. HSP is NOT a crutch or a death sentence, or really even a problem.

I would strongly disagree that knowing this is 'common sense' as I have a great deal of common sense and it would never occur to me that 1/5 of the population would also have these odd traits. If I had given it any thought, I guess I would assume that there were other people like me out there somewhere, but the chances of actually meeting them were slim to none. It's not exactly mainstream conversation material, right? Additionally, the thought that this HSP is prevalent enough that people have actually studied it and given it a name is kind of mind-boggling to me.

Will this change anything in my life? Not really. I have added one more book to my reading list, though.

[badger]

as others have already pointed out, I think this discussion is NOT about pathology or focusing on the negative but actually celebrating the positive about it. To me it's great.

It's not like I'm being validated that I've got issues and need therapy to cope with life (been there done that). It's just to reassure us that what we're feeling isn't BAD, and in fact GOOD when it comes to survival instincts.

And it's not just humans who are highly sensitive; animals are, too. They've even found some goldfish to have highly senstive traits, and those will be the ones who'll surive because they'll be the cautious ones who won't jump out the fish bowl to shrivel up.