highly sensitive person

[lph]

wow. This is fascinating. I can relate to a lot of these. Never knew it had a name.

I love being alone. I'm never alone too much. I cry over commercials, movies, sad pictures, seeing someone else crying or sad, even a total stranger on the bus. I get very agitated if someone I know is upset, especially with me. I can get physically ill at strong smells like perfume and cigarette smoke, need to sleep in a dark room, and sleep very poorly away from home. I value tolerance though, so I try to just "suck it up" and not be fussy, but it can be hard sometimes.

I've never considered myself shy, though, but I prefer interacting with just a few people, and I hate being watched or coached when I'm trying to learn something. I'll gladly coach someone else though. I perform abysmally under stress.

And I was told once in an argument, and it still rankles, that "you just take everything too much to heart!" I guess it could be nice to view this as a good thing.

[shootingstar]

I looked at the "test". Could only identify with half of the list. I don't cry easily except for stuff concerning people I love. But I hate watching violent tv stuff. I will walk away or turn away. I never enjoyed horror movies even though I know it's fake.

Aside from the sensory stuff (smells, taste, sight ie. yes, fluorescent lights bother me and dont' make me feel as well as incadescent lighting), for myself I know just certain cultural environmental factors made me for a certain period of time "shy" or withdrawn.

Up until my mid '20's I really disliked speaking up in class or delivering presentations. Then I realized this impediment/anxiety was going to affect my job/career. So I pushed myself to deliver group/classroom training regularily to adults. It was hard but helped me alot deal with not only group/classroom training and making group presentations in several jobs, but dealing with awkward social group situations.

But all of that was coalescing at the same time in my life, as refusing to become the Asian person stereotypically seen as quiet/compliant.

There are ways to deal with the "sensitive" person tag, but yes, it can require initially very conscious changes in habits and behavioural mind-sets. It can take some time. And it helps to have support resource people and tools. But for tv/film physical violence, I don't think I will develop much of stomach for the stuff --ever.

[badger]

I think that's the thing, shootingstar. Our society dictates the highly sensitive person to "buck it up" and become "stronger".

And apparently we're greatly misunderstood (which I think, with respect, you're misunderstanding) that it's actually a neurological thing, we have heightened sensitivity to stimuli. It's not how we were brought up or what cultural background we have (though that will inevitably influence), it's something that's hard-wired within us.

Like you saying "being shy", it's one of the terms that have been wrongly labeled for us sensitive lots, it's not that we're really shy (I'm sure some are), some are extraverted. I think we tend to internalize a lot of things, need to think things through, look at the "big picture", and then do it. I'm certainly not rash and often need to "think about it/sleep on it" before making any decisions because I want to think of all the scenarios that go along with it.

It's not a bad thing, speaking from a survival point of view, it's a great trait to have, but it's not always the best way to get by in this busy, overly stimulating world we live in.

[lph]

Definitely. I'm not shy at all, am usually extroverted and can be very talkative and bossy, both with friends and strangers But I don't like talking to a lot of people at a time, parties with a lot of strangers I find very tiring, and many social occasions, even family dinners, are just exhausting to me. I come home and lie flat on the couch and just stare at the wall, so happy for some downtime.

[badger]

yeah, I don't consider myself shy, either, and as a child I used to make friends with anyone and everyone.

there's one website where it says "HSPs are not fearful of fireworks, crowds, parties, or travel, just reluctant to suffer the discomfort of overstimulation". This is so true. I hate flying not because I hate planes, I just hate the anxiety I get from being stuck in this enclosed space with a bunch of people.

[indysteel]

In my first year or so of therapy, my therapist introduced me to this concept and we both agreed that I am likely a classic "HSP." There are few exceptions to that list, but for the most part, I have trouble with sensory overload. I've gotten better at coping with it, but sometimes I still get out of whack during periods of high stress.

I have to manage my time and to-do list very carefully. I also try to avoid overly loud or crowded environments. I'm not really shy though, but I need down or alone time to recharge which technically makes me an introvert. It's one of the reasons that I like riding with friends. It's social, but not overly so.

From a work perspective, I joke that I'm a Type A person who needs a Type B environment. The two years I spent in a big law firm were a nightmare for me.

I am sensitive to others' moods, although some of that is a learned behavior given my family. When my husband is in a bad mood, it totallly freaks me out. Luckily, he's rarely in a bad mood.

[bmccasland]

Interesting - yeah, I did the test, not surprising of the outcome. Yes, I'm highly sensitive. I'm a migrainer too, thing they're related?

"You wear your emotions on your sleeves" is something I heard a lot (still hear). So I'm sensitive, is that a bad thing? I've also learned to shut down, and compartmentalize which drives my Mother batty. Then I'm accused of being cold. I can't win.

[GLC1968]

Heh - I probably should have answered yes to every single item on that list. Every one. Though I had to really think deep and not just jump to answer what I felt was the correct answer, if you know what I mean.

So very much about who I am as a person developed as a result of my upbringing. We moved constantly (I had been in 10 different schools by the time I was in 10th grade!), so it greatly shapped how I react to this world, and still does. The funny thing is, if I dig deeper, below my initial reactions (most of which were learned from always being the new kid), I find that the true internal me really does answer yes to everything on the list.

So while I agree that environment and upbringing do afect how we react to different situations (learned response), if you dig deeper, you can see what your true interal response would be. Mine is most definitely HSP.

What is extra odd is that I would highly doubt that a single person in my life (save my mother) would guess that I am HSP. Not one. Weird.

[ny biker]

Interesting - yeah, I did the test, not surprising of the outcome. Yes, I'm highly sensitive. I'm a migrainer too, thing they're related?

Don't know. I get migraines and have major problems with bright lights and noises when I have a headache. I've been known to wear sunglasses on rainy days and indoors. But I answered no to pretty much every question on that test.

But I could see how sensitivity could trigger or worsen a migraine, by increasing stress.

BTW what is a "rich, complex inner life"?

[channlluv]

BTW what is a "rich, complex inner life"?

When the voices and inner dialogue going on in your head is more entertaining than what's going on around you.

I was once doing some volunteer work at a ballet school that involved a couple of hours of detailed work editing photos. One of the teachers asked me if I didn't want to put on some music there in the office. I told her no, that there was a story going on in my head and I was fine. Which is true. Most of the time I've got a story going on, or I'm having conversations with people in my head so that music playing or the TV or whatever is a distraction.

I scored pretty high, too.

Roxy

[shootingstar]

Like you saying "being shy", it's one of the terms that have been wrongly labeled for us sensitive lots, it's not that we're really shy (I'm sure some are), some are extraverted. I think we tend to internalize a lot of things, need to think things through, look at the "big picture", and then do it. I'm certainly not rash and often need to "think about it/sleep on it" before making any decisions because I want to think of all the scenarios that go along with it.

It's not a bad thing, speaking from a survival point of view, it's a great trait to have, but it's not always the best way to get by in this busy, overly stimulating world we live in.

One example might be what so-called "shy" types that simply enjoy cycling alone alot of the time. In fact, I kind of wonder about cyclists who absolutely need to cycle with at least 1 other person most of the time. It actually puzzles me abit..but ok. Whatever works.

Yet the sociable, gregarious/noisy cycling pack types might see the hermity, shy-looking cycling folks as just avoiding friendly informal group cycling semi-competitive packs to become more 'fit', etc. You know what I mean...

My partner and I joke with one another that we are well-matched: we understand each other because he and I are each, friendly-lone wolf type of people. We like good company of others around us, but think about alot of stuff which makes each of us appear quiet and distant.

I know he is physiologically sensitive to certain things --some of it when the public health care conditions were poor during WWII when he was baby/very young in Germany which made him sick often and with sensitivties etc. even now.

[indysteel]

It's actually been a while since I've given my likely status as an HSP much thought as it relates to certain issues in my life so this thread is a good reminder for me.

For instance, since meeting my now husband, I've totally bristled at spending time with his parents either in their house or their RV. I haven't analyzed that issue in terms of being a HSP. Rather, I've chalked it up to personality differences. It's probably linked more to the former, however. I feel trapped in situations where I know I can't just go off by myself and get some quiet. Add in the fact that his parents talk a lot and their house is rather small, and I feel pretty anxious when I'm there.

Even among people I feel totally comfortable with, I get really edgy after a couple of hours in their company. At dinner parties, I'm the first person to volunteer to help with dishes. I absolutely cannot stand sitting around the dinner table for extended periods of time. Thankfully, my husband is one of the few people I can be around for hours on end. It helps, though, that he likes to do his own thing, too, and is not an overly talkative person.

Other "weird" things that I think are linked to being a HSP:

I have a strong urge to touch things, especially clothes, when I'm shopping. I have a strong tactile sense.

I absolutely cannot stand listening to music with headphones. I do, however, like to listen to music somewhat loudly. Go figure.

I cannot stand wearing socks or pajama bottoms to bed. Nothing can be on my legs or feet.

I'm not a very emotional person.....except when other people around me are emotional. Then I lose it. I break down at funerals, even for people who I barely know (like my friend's parents).

My eyes water as if I'm crying when hearing or telling a scary story (like a ghost story).

[lph]

I break down at funerals, even for people who I barely know (like my friend's parents).

Oh Lord, yes! I can't go to a funeral without a stash of hankies, because there is no way I'm not going to end up bawling with snot running everywhere. A bit embarrassing if I'm not one of the close family or friends. Funny thing is I'm almost as easily moved at happy occasions like weddings, I have to sit and stare out the window and think of something very mundane like dishwashing to not start sniffling at inappropriate moments. Ok, I admit it, it's not sniffling, sniffling would be ok, it's fullblown weeping.

Certain pieces of music can have the same effect. My calm dh just smiles at it all, because he knows I'm pretty down to earth the rest of the time.

Wow. It's kind of reassuring to read that this is a normal sort of thing

[ridenread]

As a therapist who works with children with sensory processing disorders I find this discussion very interesting. Sensory processing issues are very often unrecognized and misunderstood. Yes many people have sensitivities to certain aspects of life... noise, touch ,crowds, lights and still manage to live their day to day lives without incident. We all have our "quirks"

Most people who are "highly sensitive" do not have a disorder.Their nervous system perceives things differently and they learn how to cope. Interestingly many "highly sensitive" people turn to activities such as running and cycling because of the calming benefits it has on their nervous systems.

However there are those that are "disordered" and it can severely impact all aspects of life. There are many people who have spent years in therapy for anxiety, depression, feeling that they do not fit in with other people and just always feeling "different". There are many who try to self medicate with drugs or alcohol.
Sensory "differences" are very real and can be life altering to many.

[GLC1968]

Other "weird" things that I think are linked to being a HSP:

I have a strong urge to touch things, especially clothes, when I'm shopping. I have a strong tactile sense.

I absolutely cannot stand listening to music with headphones. I do, however, like to listen to music somewhat loudly. Go figure.

I cannot stand wearing socks or pajama bottoms to bed. Nothing can be on my legs or feet.

I'm not a very emotional person.....except when other people around me are emotional. Then I lose it. I break down at funerals, even for people who I barely know (like my friend's parents).

My eyes water as if I'm crying when hearing or telling a scary story (like a ghost story).

Ditto to all of this for me, too!

I also cannot sleep if the hair on my legs is too long. TMI, I know...but I would bet it's related to this.