Using a bike pump

[ny biker]

I'm stuck on "they smell like fresh babies." I keep thinking - as opposed to stale ones?

But then I'm kind of punchy right now...

Trying to be useful -- I do the same as Oak in terms of keeping the stem straight, except I put the stem at 6:00 instead of noon.

Also if it continues to be really hard getting the clamp closed/on the stem and open/off the stem, it might help to take the whole shebang to the LBS and ask them to walk you through it a few times, to see if they can help you get the hang of that particular pump.