I'm going INSANE!!!

[MartianDestiny]

Ok, I can't stand it anymore! Really need to go on a ride, but stuck at work, so I'm going to vent here...

I'm supposed to hear back from the NSF (National Science Foundation) about my GRFP (Graduate Research Fellowship Program) application. Either today or tomorrow (it's already a month late), looking like tomorrow (or later) now. Getting this equals the difference of me not having to worry about money for the rest of my graduate career plus a pay raise versus where I sit now which is potentially having to drop out due to lack of funding.

I think the refresh button on my computer will no longer function by the end of today. And the shear amount of junk email (every one of which makes my heart skip a beat) is getting ridiculous! I may have a heart attack by the end of this!! I can't take the stress of not knowing but knowing I should know soon! AAARRRRRGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!


Ok, rant over, thanks for "listening".

[channlluv]

Can you take lunch and go for a walk around the block or something? You really need to step away from the email. Watched pot and all that.

Good luck getting your grant.

Roxy

[MartianDestiny]

O, a walk sounds wonderful! I'm headed off to class now and then (THANKFULLY) get to head out a bit early and take the puppy to agility class (NO COMPUTERS! YAY). By that time the east coast will be down for the day and I can focus my anxiety on waiting for tomorrow....

[Tuckervill]

Waiting, for me, is a special kind of hell.

Crossing my fingers for you.

Karen

[MartianDestiny]

Welp, looks like tomorrow it is, though 2 hours with the dog have calmed my insanity some.

Thanks for the well wishes; I need all the good luck I can get (the program is highly competitive)

[IFjane]

Sending good thoughts your way that the news will be very good tomorrow!

[NbyNW]

Keeping fingers crossed for you -- good luck!

[OakLeaf]

Good luck MD!

[Grog]

I TOTALLY understand how you feel. It drove me NUTS to wait for the results of scholarship competitions when I was a grad student. The worst part is knowing that the decision was actually made a pretty long while ago but it's the administrative part of it that needs to be completed before it's announced.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you, but remember: it means a lot to get one of those (not just the money) but it doesn't mean anything not to get it. I know people that applied for similar funding and one year they ranked low and the following they aced it (with pretty much the same application). Of course, by all means, have a big party if (when!) you get it.

[MartianDestiny]

Well, I'm totally up at 3:30 am checking my email.

Alas, no funding. Thanks for the well wishes though I appreciate it.

Grog, I'd like to pretend this "doesn't mean anything", but unfortunately I am, as of now, unfunded and unpaid starting August 1st. I have one more grant that I'm waiting on (but is even less likely). This means A LOT, to the tune that I probably cannot/will not continue graduate school, whether or not it reflects on my abilities as a scientist.

[bmccasland]

Sorry you didn't get your funding.

[OakLeaf]

Aw, MD, I'm sorry. Good luck finding an alternative.

[jobob]

I'm so sorry, MD. I was in a similar situation many moons ago, and it sucks.

Sending my best wishes to you.

[uk elephant]

Sorry about the lack of funding MD! I've been there myself and it sucks! Even if you do have to drop out for now, don't forget about your graduate career completely if you have the option. Try again for the next round of funding, or even consider going part time (which is essentially what I did with teaching or outside work along side).

[MartianDestiny]

Thanks everyone. Talking to my advisor about options tomorrow. Should be a WONDERFUL (*sarcasm*) conversation.

Sorta starting to look at job options, but likely the school will pay me (through a TA) to finish up my Masters (I was on a PhD track).

Hopefully I'll soon see the upside of all this?!??