I am not surprised that we can discuss so candidly a topic so very personal to each of us, and still respect each others' opinion. That is what I have come to expect on this board.

When I married my first ex, it was pretty much a given that we would pretty much build our life together around his dream. When his dream changed - two years into our marriage - I was expected to accept and adapt - and most of all, not complain. Our daughter came along, and I *had* to work to help support us. We moved every couple of years, due to his job, and I was never able to get a foothold in any *job* worth making a career. I spent several years working outside the home, until one day I'd had enough. Decided I needed to spend more time with our daughter, and we'd just have to adapt...and we did.
This story, however, did not have a very happy ending. After 23 years, I decided I could not take the loss of my self any longer, and left the marriage. I had nothing. My so called *skills* as an admin/clerical worker had not kept up with the electronic age, and I came pretty close to being homeless for the first 3 or 4 years after we split up. No one appreciated my homemaking skills either. Out of the workforce too long. And to add to that, my attorney just *got me out* of the marriage, and said that he didn't realize I wanted him to fight for me to get my *share* ... I was so naive that I took the path of least resistance.

Am I bitter? Yeah, a little. But it was the *times* and I have learned the hard way to fight for my life. I watched my parents in their roles, and in the 40 years they were married there was little bitterness...but they seemed to be the exceptions... I no longer believe in *forever* - but I believe in mutual respect - haven't seen much of it, but still believe in it.

I married again 5 years after my divorce, and that marriage lasted about a minute and a half! We discovered we could not live together, but we have re-discovered each other in our mutual love for biking. We each have our own homes and separate lives, and that works for us - for now.

I don't envy those of you in the dating arena. It's hard. And it's even harder, once you find someone, not to totally give up ourselves - I think most of us are hard-wired that way, and it's a painful to re-work that wiring no matter when you do it. But don't give up. Learn from those of us who have made choices that have proven both good and bad...

~~~peace~~~