Quote Originally Posted by BikeMomma
bcipam - This one sentence struck a chord with me. When I met my husband, I was into cycling, was deadly serious about racing, and totally loved my life. He admired that in me, as he was into athletics, also (basketball). But as we dated and time went on, I did was I thought I was supposed to do as a woman who loves a man, and I slowly gave up cycling to mold myself into his lifestyle (not mine). About a year and a half ago, after being married nearly ten years (eleven now) and three gorgeous kids, it suddenly struck me what I had done -- I gave up the biggest part of myself. Nothing particularly "wrong" with that, but on a women's lib standpoint, I shouldn't have had to do that, and it almost made me angry that it was so taken for granted I would change MY life, and that he didn't change his. So I grabbed the bull by the horns and started riding again, and now I'm seriously considering racing again. Sadly, although I know he is proud of me for sticking to it and for getting my body back, he still doesn't completely understand the sacrifice I made for him and now I feel that he looks at me differently....almost like he doesn't know how to "take" me these days, being this "liberated" woman and all.

I don't think it has anything to do with "womens' lib" or being "liberated" ... I think it's human nature to get so involved with pleasing a mate and putting one's passions aside that ANYONE, male or female, parent or not, can lose part of themselves in a relationship. Certainly, there is some societal conditioning involved, no denying that. There are plenty of men out there who get involved with being a provider, or trying to please thier partners that they too lose parts of themselves and the thing that give them joy. And yep - when one partner starts to recover that sense, it can be quite a shock to the other half! Especially if things have gotten complacent and routine. The trick is to find a place where you can honor yourself and your passions, and not become a selfish person within the relationship.

Call me a reformed feminist but I equate women's lib and feminism with a lot of negativity . I prefer to look at the needs of men AND women - while inherently different creatures, both have feelings, needs, desires and passion that need to be respected. Both suffer from imbalances in the male/female scheme of things in modern society.

just my two cents, as usual, take it or leave it.


Irulan