another bike date... he neglected to mention...

[laughlaugh18]

Yasmin - Googling your date is pretty much what it sounds. You search for your date's name using the Google search engine. Remember to put quotes around the name, for example "John Doe".

And fess up folks, when was the last time you Googled yourself!?

KSH - with the cell phone it's not a physical threat thing. If I can recognize someone's number, I can choose not to answer. However, lots of folks, including my family, have their numbers blocked, which means I have to pick up calls on my cell phone that are unidentified. So, I'd rather have a separate phone that I know is only dating-related; gives me the option of not answering if I don't want to.

[Trek420]

Yasmin asks "And fess up folks, when was the last time you Googled yourself!?"

OMG, I'm surprised you don't all show up at my door sometime. Let me know first if you do, I'll try to clean up the hovel a bit.

and tomgrrl, she must have found out that bit about that you sleep with cornish game hens and can't eat anything that begins with the letter "g" unless it's at the far right hand side of the plate? Just kidding you, really I am.

And anyway we know about the cornish game hens and won't serve you gefilte fish at any TE events. We like you a lot but don't run for Senate because the Google images with you, Liberache and Fidel Castro? I think it's done in Photoshop, really I do but it'll just ruin the Senate bid.

and tomgrrl, was the no 2nd date because she googled you? or because she googled you and then was rude and non-reactive and not listening to what you said (how rude. that's like you get to interview William Shakespear and "oh whatever, I've read all about you"), or because she was picking her teeth with the parasol from the drink? ;-)

And googleing myself? There's some major porn star with the same unusual first name as mine. She's not me, really!

I keep pinned up on my pod at work a snippet of a TTY tape of a conversation that ends:

"and can I get your name?"

"TREK420? (insert real first name here)"

"OMG have I reached a wrong number heee heee, have a real sexy day"

"Uh, yeah, and thank you for calling da' phone co, bye bye SKSK GA."

And regarding the balance thing, I'm tending towards what Irulan sed. And I'm a totally unreformed feminist. I think the goal is balance and that's difficult to acheive in any relationship and especially for families with kids, working...there are only so many hours in the day.

And let's face it gals we all love a sport that takes a lot of time. I may or may not ride today, but I will clean and lube and check my bikes. If there was anyone here other than my dog would she resent that? Even my dog would rather I was walking her.

Bikemoma, I can identify with the team sports thing, with my ex for the last 3 years or so of our relationship I was a "football widow", yep, she played on a womens team. It's called pro but so far nobody gets paid or paid much or paid enough in my book to take hits like that but anywho. I went to the games, practices etc, good lil' football "wife".

I've heard football refered to as 'the crack cocaine of team sports". I don't play team sports at all, if there's a ball involved in the sport I can and will s*&^ at it. Yeah, I throw and catch like a girl, go figure. But aparently for sporty folk the intensity of the camraderie of football is addictive.

By then I'd rediscovered my love of cycling and the funny thing is she rekindled that. Also was well on my way to my goal of black belt in Aikido...but I went to the games. Did I resent it on a sunny day I could be rideing? Or that I was missing my own Aikido training? Heck yeah. Did I do anything about it like take time for myself? Nope.

My bad.

I don't think we'd be together even had I carved out time for myself but it's about trying to find a balance and communication I think.

[Yasmin]

It's OK Trek, it was LL18 that mentioned googling yourself...good idea though!
As far as a woman shaping her life around a man, TELL ME ABOUT IT!!! I've done it 3 times. When will I learn. Partly I think it's in-built. How many men do you know who reshape themselves around a woman? I told my husband ages ago that if we end I'm not playing that tune anymore. I'm curious to know what happens in same-sex relationships. I know one couple (men) who were together for 25years until one died of a ruptured aorta, very sad. But in that instance it was still one person adjusting to another. Is it more a matter of "givers & takers"?
Trek...you've partly answered this question for me anyway. When I look back I get pretty peed at myself for being so "giving" ie changing more for them than they do for me. It's my own fault really.

[Trek420]

Yasmin wrote "As far as a woman shaping her life around a man, TELL ME ABOUT IT!!! I've done it 3 times. When will I learn. Partly I think it's in-built."

We're wired that way. Possibly if we wern't nurturing humans would not have survived. If men weren't out there hunting mastadons we would not have survived either. So it was all essential at some time. Not that women can't hunt mastadons and men can't pick berries but we get the message that society dissaproves.

And we get it so young.

Off season I'm in the dojo. Today was open training, just show up and work on...whatever. Depends on who's there.

So I'm working with our visiting student and on the other side there's a little girl, maybe 9 and her parents. She plans to go to school tomorrow with one of our black belts and do a demo for her class. Cute huh?

Her parents are very encourageing but she's so nervous, hardly moves, and won't kiai (yell) or make a sound at all.

Thinking she could use some encouragement from a gal I go over and tell her "see this?" (Trek points at belt) "Sensei (teacher) gave it to me because I'm loud. When I don't know what to do or whether it's my right foot or left I make a lot of noise"

We talked about that it's ok for women and girls to be loud, and to be strong and throw big guys around like rag dolls, it's ok to make mistakes and not to worry about it.

By the end I think I saw a smile and she was throwing the black belt she's borowing hard. But still would not make a sound. These messages are so deep.

"How many men do you know who reshape themselves around a woman?"

I think it's different for men. And I hate to generalize but I think some men reshape themselves but in other ways.

Some of the techs I work with complain loudly of the hours, overtime and time away from their families. But ask them "you could decline OT, are you willing to give up the 'vette, the vacation home, or live with less?" "no".

"I told my husband ages ago that if we end I'm not playing that tune anymore."

I'm curious if you feel that reshapeing yourself is endangering the relationship, why not find a way to let the real Yasmin out BEFORE it ends? Could be even better than before? I'm just asking. Don't know what's right.

"I'm curious to know what happens in same-sex relationships."

So am I ;-) Women, who can figure them out?

"I know one couple (men) who were together for 25years until one died of a ruptured aorta, very sad. But in that instance it was still one person adjusting to another. Is it more a matter of "givers & takers"?"

Sorry to hear about your friends.

Speaking as I do for all gay people .... not ..... I think that our relationships may be more fluid because we don't have ridid generalization about gender roles. You're free to sorta work that out yourself or should be.

On the other hand individuals can be of themselves just as rigid: take my ex, please...she didn't want me to do laundry, ever. She kinda resented that she had to do it but would not let me. Alrighty then.

Well, 3 years later here I sit fully clothed, laundry going in the background.

The goal is some fluidity, back to cycling analogies. I've never ridden a tandem but what I've read is this, that both pedal together but on a tandem when the captain tires the stoker pitches in, when the stoker is tired the captain works a little harder, when both are tired, stop for lunch? Feel free to correct me V?

Hopefully with communication it's not always one person who gives or takes, can be fluid. At least that's what I'd like.

"Trek...you've partly answered this question for me anyway. When I look back I get pretty peed at myself for being so "giving" ie changing more for them than they do for me. It's my own fault really."

Well we're all learning all the time, we make mistakes, we get better but mostly hopefully we don't keep doing the same ^&%$ thing. If you're lucky you'll have troubles all your life, if you're unlucky they will be the same &^%$'ing ones. We're not taught how to do this, no one comes with directions, and most ARE taught a lotta stuff that is dreck.

My parents had an incredible marriage, this February would have been 65 years and they were very happy. So I had the example in front of me and still don't know what I'm doing.

I sometimes think that relationships are the single hardest thing we do and maybe the most important.

[Yasmin]

I sometimes think that relationships are the single hardest thing we do and maybe the most important.

You're not wrong there. I don't get why we as a species find it sooo hard to really get on together. If we find it so difficult at a personal level, what hope is there at a global level? Maybe humans have an in-built self-destruct mechanism to stop us from totally messing up the planet & other life forms. I really wonder about this sometimes.

[pkq]

You're not wrong there. I don't get why we as a species find it sooo hard to really get on together. If we find it so difficult at a personal level, what hope is there at a global level? Maybe humans have an in-built self-destruct mechanism to stop us from totally messing up the planet & other life forms. I really wonder about this sometimes.

We can't get along because we are a flawed, imperfect, and arrogant species. Adam and Eve, of the Bible, had Paradise yet sinned due to arrogance, just like Satan. And what did Adam say, when confronted by the Lord about why he was hiding? "It was her fault!." He couldn't even stand like a man and assume the responsibility for his own decision to follow Eve. Ha! Eve blamed the serpent! And they were created perfect.

Satan knows God exists but rebels anyway. His arrogance leads him to think he will be victorious over God. Arrogance, the original sin, leads me to worry about my own actions way more than anothers actions. I can't think outside my box too much until I get mine in order. Can't even wrap my mind around global.

[DirtDiva]

On the other hand individuals can be of themselves just as rigid: take my ex, please...she didn't want me to do laundry, ever. She kinda resented that she had to do it but would not let me. Alrighty then.

Sheesh. That would drive me absolutely berserk! I mean really truly nuts. I wouldn't cope with it at all.

[Trekhawk]

Im am very proud to be a stay at home mum. I had my first child a month before I turned 33 and at that time was a serving member of the defence force. Leaving my job after the birth of my first child was not something I even had to think hard about, I couldnt imagine leaving him with anyone else all day. I have learned so much being a mum and Im sure its fine honed my organization skills. Hey all mums can multi task without even giving it a thought. I know some people feel its a less than admirable career choice but after the birth of two more beautiful boys I wouldnt change a thing. I guess one main thing I have learned from not having a "career" anymore is that you find your self worth from other areas of life. I no longer need a job to define who I am and for this Im truly grateful.