I'm in the 46-48cm road bike crowd as well. Being fitted for a custom cross frame next saturday!

I found there were very few, if any, stock cross frames that had a reach I could handle (at least on paper). Salsa and Redline making probably the closest to fitting (think maybe Scott as well?).

Anyway, I already have a pile of parts and a custom frame ends up being just a bit more than a nicer stock frame, so I'm biting the bullet rather than trying to force something to fit (and super excited!).

As for the unisex bike/shifters issue I don't think it's any big deal and I have tiny tiny hands. There are some lever designs that are better than others. The new Ultegra rocks!! No shims and no reach issues, love them!! Last year's Ultegra I did need to shim, but now they are fine. I've heard Campy is great, and some people prefer SRAM. I'll second investing in short reach bars though; they do make a difference.