What would you do?

[ny biker]

Call me crazy but I think two keys words in the OP are "federal agency."

http://www.eeoc.gov/laws/types/sexual_harassment.cfm

http://www.eeoc.gov/federal/fed_empl...t_overview.cfm

Can you go to EEO just to ask what your options are and ask them for guidance on how to handle the situation?

[malkin]

Make all your wise cracks here because we'll appreciate them!

And file a sexual harrassment complaint.

[Zen]

Call me crazy but I think two keys words in the OP are "federal agency."

Yup.

This type of behavior cannot be ignored.
As Crankin said, I think the man is unstable.
Keep a detailed account of all his offensive behavior. And good luck.

[Becky]

GLC, you first gig sounds a lot like my job now. No offense at all!

I work with a group of very professional office staff, and a bunch of rough-and-tumble field staff and contractors. IMO, it's a case of playing to your audience. When the field guys (of which I am one, depending on the day) have gotten out of line, I've told them to knock it off, and that's usually the end of it. Many of the contractors are old enough to be my father, so I let a lot of the "honey" and "kid" stuff ride 'cuz it's meant all in good fun, even admiration.

What differentiates Mickchick's situation IMO is that she's told this guy to cut it out and he hasn't. He's blown his last chance.

[Selkie]

Thanks, everyone, for the different points of view and excellent advice.

I'm no shrinking violet and have told Dino directly--twice--that it's inappropriate for him to make comments about my not taking DH's surname. He doesn't like confident women, at least if that woman is over forty or not pleasing to his eye. In addition, I think he's resentful because I'm higher graded than he (i.e., I make more than he does---he's the type that figures out everyone else's grade & then whines that he'll never get promoted!) and I'm smarter, more hard working, etc.

My situation is akin to what GLC described. Having been a manager/supervisor, I know the laws and regulations. In the past, I have reported this sort of thing and trust me, one get a label for not turning a blind eye to jerks like this. You get labeled "overly sensitive," lacking a sense of humor, and not being able to get along well w/others. We've all had mandatory EEO training and there's a zero tolerance policy. However, the reality is that the personal/professional toll it takes on the person who is a victim and/or reports it is simply too high.

I don't think reporting it will do any good. It will do nothing but add to my boss's stress and Dino will wiggle out of it, turn it back on me. I've seen him in action--nothing is his fault--and he gets away with using his personal problems to avoid things and face responsibility. The guy is unstable and I suggested that he see a therapist about his inability to let go of his anger toward his ex (he ignored that one because he thrives on being a "victim"). I'm not afraid of him, however, because he's really a coward. That's why he has to say stupid, thoughtless things.

I think I'm going to try Maxxie's suggestion of listening to him blather, saying "hmmmmm," then walking away. I'm also not initiating any non-work related conversations with him (he's one of those social butterflies who likes to spend 80% of the day chattering---I mean gossiping). I also intend to be vocal about the inappropriateness of his "stories" when the situation arises---I've done this in a past situation with a fellow coworker who was a perv---I told him--in my "elitist snob tone" that I use in situations like this--that he was "adolescent," to which another male (mature, non-perv) laughed heartily.

[tzvia]

If you don't think reporting it will do any good, then your company has issues and needs to be reported. Harassment on the job should not be tolerated. Where I work we regularly have to take mandatory harassment training. I get it twice as my company contracts IT services to another. I have to take ours and theirs as I work on-site... and have access to our HR and Legal if needed. We are not dealing with some company's feel-good internal worthless drivel, but state and federal law, as you well know. The company has to comply and has to take your report seriously. They are responsible for following all laws and must investigate all reported incidents. You have legal recourse if they do not. Yes I know you know all this, and I am sure your employer knows as well. They need to follow it.

A co-worker of mine many years ago at a previous job was harassed by a much larger male co-worker who actually threatened physical harm to her verbally. The owner of the company (family owned retail business) basically told her 'it's only talk and he is the best salesperson so go away and have a nice day.' The harassment had many witnesses including myself, and she felt she was in physical danger from this man, so she quit out of fear and sued the company and yes they were legally responsible. They ended up firing the man but it was a bit too late to save themselves from legal action.

[Selkie]

If I reported it, they would investigate. They are exceptionally good at trying to quash these things and management at the highest level is extremely dedicated to EEO issues.

Unfortunately, at the working level, it's still seen as not being able to get along or being too sensitive. I also wouldn't put it past him to lie about it. I am going to start documenting things, in addition to the course of action I described above. If my continued attempts have no impact or make him act out more, I will go to my supervisor. This person is a negative influence in the work environment on just about every level, so this is one factor of several issues related to him.

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, Tzvia. I'm glad she was able to sue.

[NbyNW]

I think it's good that you're documenting things, even if you don't feel that this is the time to elevate the situation to a management concern.

I have been a fly on the wall listening to DH's management challenges. In one case they were getting ready to let someone go for poor performance and other problems, and it came out that this person had behaved inappropriately towards some of the women in the office, but they had not filed reports. DH had to really convince them that it was important that they file the reports, that it was not "making trouble." Having those reports on file, even if they came months after the fact, made it impossible for the guy to slap back at the company with a wrongful termination suit.