What would you do?

[Becky]

My response would probably be along the same lines as Crankin's

I just sat through my "Respectful Workplace Behavior" refresher training last week. One of the things that they stressed was that your supervisor is obligated to follow up on any complaints, regardless of their personal feelings, and failure to do so could land them in a whole mess of trouble. Don't hesitate to report this- if he's doing it to you, he's doing it to others as well.

I might keep a log of the incidents, just to help demonstrate the severity of the issue. This doesn't sound like a one-time thing. If your supervisor blows you off, go to HR/EEO. I don't know about your agency, but mine is absolutely paranoid about this kind of stuff, almost to a fault, and would definitely take it seriously.

Long story short: you've previously told him to knock it off, he has not complied, and he doesn't deserve a second (or third, or fifth) chance.

Good luck!

[ny biker]

My employer requires us to take courses in sexual harrassment and this guy is clearly crossing the line. If he worked for us I could get him fired easily.

What if you talk to your boss about it, not to lodge a formal complaint but to ask her what can be done about his behavior.

Also, I think there are one or two live online chats on washingtonpost.com that focus on working for the federal government. That would be an anonymous way to ask for advice specifically for your situation.

[SheFly]

I agree with what others have said here. If you are uncomfortable going to your boss, go to HR. In my company, his behaviour is in violation of our ethics, and he would be terminated.

SheFly

[kermit]

I work in a mostly male unit and I agree with Maxxxie, you've got to give it right back to him, tactfully! He is obviously intimidated by you and his failed attempts at relationships with females are represented by you and your independence. That just pisses him off to see another independent woman that he can't control. He has found a topic that he's knows is getting to you so he keeps jabbing. When the time is right, jab back. There is a fine line between joking around and harassment, let him know he is crossing it. If that doesn't work, get your boss involved. It is after all her responsibility to supervise. Some people just need to be on a leash! Good luck!

[Aggie_Ama]

My maiden name was really long and German. Some guy once said to me about a former co-worker "she must not be committed to her husband if she can't respect him enough to take his name". My retort? "I only took my husband's because it was shorter and easier to pronounce". He looked dumbfounded at my flippant attitude towards taking his name. That is not why I changed my name but it is my snotty reply. I also tell people "my husband is a bit of a caveman and wouldn't take mine", also not true but it riles them up.

[copperlegend]

Anything that makes you uncomfortable in the workplace is harassment. My company has a program you can use to report complaints etc anonymously. I'm sorry you have to deal with this guy. He's clearly a neanderthal.

I am the only female in a department full of guys. They know what is crossing the line, and they would never go as far as that guy.

[Ered_Lithui]

I bet you're not the only one who thinks he's a bit of a jerk. That sort of behavior would make me extremely uncomfortable. Even if you decide not to act just yet, documenting his behavior from now on would be very helpful if he crosses the line again or if someone else wants to bring it to highers-up.

The name issue, while probably least likely to give you any traction with the boss, is what makes me most sad. I'm in my twenties and, while I can understand the convenience argument, would not consider changing my name for a hypothetical life partner. If someone were to suggest I needed to do so purely because I was female, I would be very, very offended. It's essentially saying that a key part of my sense of identity counts for nothing against the expectation of upholding an obsolete societal norm. Most of my married female friends and family members have changed their names, which is fine for them. But it's not for me, and knowing that it's one of the pillars supporting Dino's twisted and fragile egocentric worldview is one of the reasons why.

[SadieKate]

I think my response would be "Isn't is great? I have an equal opportunity to use my own name and you have an equal opportunity to be a jerk?"

[marni]

going through your boss and then HR are both good. I would also suggest letting him go through his rant without reacting, then looking strraight at him and saying something like "and your point is?"

I hope it resolves itself soon.

marni ( who never had a middle name until I got married37 years ago. My last name is now hyphenated as is common in the netherlands and germany so I sign my name as Marni Josephson-Harang (josephson is my maiden name)

[ny biker]

My maiden name was really long and German. Some guy once said to me about a former co-worker "she must not be committed to her husband if she can't respect him enough to take his name". My retort? "I only took my husband's because it was shorter and easier to pronounce". He looked dumbfounded at my flippant attitude towards taking his name. That is not why I changed my name but it is my snotty reply. I also tell people "my husband is a bit of a caveman and wouldn't take mine", also not true but it riles them up.

I think it's nobody's business why you change your name or not. If someone makes an obnoxious comment, just say "wow" and walk away.