Anxiety Past and Present...

[OakLeaf]

(((((((WindingRoad)))))))

[arielmoon]

*hugs*

[limewave]

(((((HUGS))))))

I understand about the anxiety issues. About 9-10 years ago I hit my ultimate low for similar issues and was hospitalized. Looking back, I can hardly believe that was me, I'm a different person now.

However, every now and then, some of those behaviors resurface. I remember 2 years ago taking DD for a bike ride and having a panic attack on the bike path. Or driving home from work one day and becoming paralyzed with anxiety, I had to pull over and have DH pick me up. Or when DH and I have gotten in arguments, I've completely shut-down. --these things don't happen often, I can count on one hand the number of incidents I've had over the last 9 years.

When it does happen, I always make an appt. to see my doctor. Sometimes just talking to a counselor helps and sometimes we find that my adrenals are low and I need to up my supplements. It has always helped to "check-in".

10 years ago, I didn't know there was help available, that I could live a "happy" life. But I know better now. I don't want to go back to where I was. That's why I don't hesitate to seek help when I need it.

I understand that you're upset with yourself for how you treated your BF. But sometimes that line of thinking can cause you to down-spiral more. You recognize that what happened was b/c of your anxiety issues, you should treat it like that. Apologizing to BF is good and necessary, but even better would be to get yourself some help so that your BF can see that you are taking good care of yourself.

[Crankin]

You are ahead of the game in that you know what your triggers are and are ready to work on what needs to be done. I have been through the whole anxiety thing and it took me a long time for that insight. As a therapist in training, it helps me to remember this.
PM me if you want some ideas that really worked for me and I use with my clients (most of whom do not have the insight you have). These are all strategies that you can use at home, in addition to counseling.
You are on the right track.

[WindingRoad]

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and kind words. I spoke with a good friend of mine today about a psychologist that she has went to and highly recommends. I'm going to set an appointment as soon as she emails me the information. I agree with the 'check up' scenario, I think it would be good to go talk to someone qualified just to be sure I'm dealing with things in a healthy way. I have apologized to my BF and he is being understanding but I did hurt him. I would agree with the couples counseling but I feel the problem is more with me honestly. I may be wrong and after I talk to my psychologist she may suggest that I bring him too? Today I'm taking it hour by hour because I feel like I'm not myself at the moment. I have a wierd detached feeling, difficult to explain, maybe just mental fatigue. I may go to Yoga tonight and skip the run, I really would like something soothing.

[badger]

Oh, I can so sympathise!!

When you visit the psychologist, perhaps you can ask him/her if he practises EMDR. When I hit rock bottom with my anxiety/panic, it really helped me.

I do still occasionally have my anxious moments, but I usually control them with herbal supplements.