Well, I have experienced both types of treatment; generally there are so many cyclists here that seeing a lone woman rider doesn't turn heads at all. There are tons of serious recreational riders AND racers of both genders who live in the area. I don't see any women on cruisers! Hybrids, yes, but men, too. The only place I see cruisers are beach areas.
I have experienced the "ignoring" in a bike shop when I go in with DH, but it was awhile ago. And then, I didn't have the knowledge I have now. Still, my mechanical knowledge is not that great, but I can go in and have a semi-intelligent conversation about components, etc. DH does all of the work, so I rarely go into a LBS.
I do care about how I look, but it would never stop me from riding or doing anything sweaty. I love getting sweaty and dirty. I cut my hair short to avoid most hassles there. My caring about how I look gets translated into wearing cool cycling jerseys, etc. If people are going to judge me because I wear make up or care about clothes, etc., it's no better than people judging me because I don't care about this stuff. I like the fact that I can be tough and look good.
The guys in my cycling group(s) are older people like me, who respect everyone. They are cool. There's a ton of strong women riders, too, of all types. I stay away from the other types. Besides, I can't keep up with them.