I feel your pain. And you are correct to have him out of the house as soon as possible. The still living together, daily routine (and bedroom time) is not good. You need to feel the end is now. It is the only way.

However, I would NOT discuss the name calling during sex. I worry it would cause more damage than good....and really damage what possible "friendship" you can maintain with him and his family.

I understand you devestation and right now you are looking at ANY reason it could be -- but no matter what the reason I don't think YOU can fix it or him. That is a hard and sad realization. I am so, so sorry for you!