Sad Thanksgiving Day

**AnnieBikes** · 11-26-2009, 06:16 PM

Well, my mother-in-law who has been in a nursing home for three years passed away this morning. She has been leaving us by inches for nine years and now she is all gone. My father-in-law's 90th birthday was this past Saturday and all the family was here for that and I did an entire Thanksgiving dinner (18 people) and had a birthday pie! (well several of them!) Then everyone went to see her, though she did not recognize any of them. I am glad that we all had the time together as we had not planned to have Thanksgiving, as they live far away. It was so sad to see the ravages of a lengthy illness but a blessing that she is now at peace.

Sorry to rain on you all today!

**BikeDutchess** · 11-26-2009, 06:28 PM

So sorry for your loss, Annie. So much more difficult when it happens on a holiday like this.

**Tri Girl** · 11-26-2009, 06:30 PM

Oh, Annie. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I, too, am glad that your family had that time together on Saturday to celebrate. Even though she didn't know any of you anymore, you gotta know she loved having you there. I'm sorry today was one of sadness for your family.

**OakLeaf** · 11-26-2009, 07:51 PM

(((((((Annie)))))))

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Do make sure you and your family take whatever time and energy you need to grieve, as tough as it may seem with all the demands this time of year. My grandfather died one Christmas Eve, and 20 years went by before my mother got a chance to mourn.

Don't do that to yourself.

**artifactos** · 11-27-2009, 07:13 AM

My father passed on my mother's birthday, just a few months ago (he was 57, and it was unexpected). Take solace in the fact that you were all able to visit her very recently and I hope you take the time to grieve in a way that works for you.

My thoughts are with you!

**roadie gal** · 11-27-2009, 07:35 AM

I'm so sorry.

Even though her death was expected, it's never expected that day. It's hard. There are no good words for the feeling of relief that she's now in peace coupled with the sadness of her loss.

My heart goes out to you.

**shootingstar** · 11-27-2009, 07:45 AM

I'm sorry for your family's loss. Though she didn't recognize you, she seemed to have held out for Thxgiving for all to celebrate with her before she left.

My partner's mother who passed away at 93, did so a few days after a happy visit from 2 much younger relatives from Germany. She also has some dementia.

**solobiker** · 11-27-2009, 08:04 AM

I am so sorry for your loss. I have worked in the nursing home environment for over 15 years now and have seen this happen many times around a holiday or a birthday. You mentioned that "everyone went to see her, though she did not recognize any of them". I truely believe that on some level she knew her family was there. I don't want my comment to come across as cold hearted because it is not....often times when a person in a nursing home is close to passing away they are just "waiting" to see that one last family member or be around the family. I am not all knowing by any means, I have just seen this happen so many times. I guess what I am trying to say is I think she did know everyone was there and that she was comforted in that. My thoughts are with you and your family.

**nancielle** · 11-27-2009, 10:15 AM

So sorry for your loss. It was nice, and I hope comforting to you and your family, that you got to have one last holiday together.

**spindizzy** · 11-27-2009, 10:24 AM

Originally Posted by solobiker

I am so sorry for your loss. I have worked in the nursing home environment for over 15 years now and have seen this happen many times around a holiday or a birthday. You mentioned that "everyone went to see her, though she did not recognize any of them". I truely believe that on some level she knew her family was there. I don't want my comment to come across as cold hearted because it is not....often times when a person in a nursing home is close to passing away they are just "waiting" to see that one last family member or be around the family. I am not all knowing by any means, I have just seen this happen so many times. I guess what I am trying to say is I think she did know everyone was there and that she was comforted in that. My thoughts are with you and your family.

I don't think is it at all coldhearted. I have witnessed that as well. My aunt (only 5 years older than me) died the day after her husbands birthday. There is no doubt in my mind that this was her intention; that she should not die on her husband's birthday.

Nancielle - I am sorry for your family's loss.

**lunacycles** · 11-27-2009, 10:34 AM

My Mom has begun that decline with dementia and severe spinal stenosis, and we spent the holiday together, just the two of us. It is hard to imagine her being able to go out and do this in the future, as it was quite a project to drive us to a restaurant only a mile away... In some ways it is painful witnessing the rapid decline of a single parent, especially the isolation and confusion it can create-- obviously for her but also for her kids. In some ways it also seems to be a gift all around to be able to be there for her whenever possible. I am glad you were with your mom-in-law right before she died. I really believe that mattered.

**Aggie_Ama** · 11-27-2009, 12:38 PM

((Annie))

My Nanny died in August the day before her birthday. The day she slipped in a coma many of us came to the hospital. Her sisters came to visit, my Dad (only child), Mom, brother, myself and my husband. We talked to her, she was confused about her situation but enjoyed the company then told us to grab dinner because we looked hungry and she was tired. Two hours later the hospital called that she was declining so my Dad could rush back. I think she was just waiting to see us.

Sorry for the long story but I think your MIL was at peace because she had all her family, even if she didn't recognize. She appreciated your last act of kindness, I truly believe that.

**PamNY** · 11-27-2009, 08:23 PM

Sorry for your loss, and how wonderful that you had time together. I do believe it matters that you were there together.

Pam

**colby** · 11-28-2009, 11:08 AM

Originally Posted by AnnieBikes

Well, my mother-in-law who has been in a nursing home for three years passed away this morning. She has been leaving us by inches for nine years and now she is all gone. My father-in-law's 90th birthday was this past Saturday and all the family was here for that and I did an entire Thanksgiving dinner (18 people) and had a birthday pie! (well several of them!) Then everyone went to see her, though she did not recognize any of them. I am glad that we all had the time together as we had not planned to have Thanksgiving, as they live far away. It was so sad to see the ravages of a lengthy illness but a blessing that she is now at peace.

Sorry to rain on you all today!

So sorry for you and your family's loss. That's a long time to be waiting and hanging on. Even if she didn't recognize everyone, it sounds like there was peace in her heart as she passed.

90th birthday, that's a healthy life.

**AnnieBikes** · 11-28-2009, 02:47 PM

Thank you ALL for your kindness. Your comments have warmed my heart and reaffirmed my feelings for this forum! (not that I didn't already know how great everyone was) You are all wonderful. ...and Spin....no thoughts of cold hearted. You were right on the money with what you said!

My sister-in-law arrived yesterday and we put together an awesome slideshow of pictures for the visitation on Monday night. It was really fun to remember all the fun things that we have done and laugh at her wicked sense of humor. We really ENJOYED the time to put it together and look at old pics.

Bless you all.

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