Emily,

My heart aches for you in this time of loss! Losing someone that is so much a part of your life can seem almost unbearable. But you bear it - you go on - even tho' some days you wonder why. And it eventually gets easier. You find yourself actually forgetting your sorrow for brief bits of time. Then those times get longer. You'll never feel quite the same again, but you'll come to find a new "normal" in your life. And it will be okay....

It's been difficult for me to read all these posts. It has been almost a year since I lost my mother and sometimes, I still cannot believe she's gone. The hurt and pain were overwhelming at the time, but I always knew I was a strong person. I knew it would get better. It has. It will for you.

One thing I found that helped, was to ALLOW myself to feel joy in life and not to wallow in sorrow and pity for poor me. I put effort into other parts of my life. I had very much support from family and friends. I got out and biked or hiked and kept very busy. You have to give your mind and body a break from feeling sad. My opinion, such as it is, is that you definitely should go on your vacation! Get away, see new sights. It will revitalize you and your hubby. This has had to be very hard on him, also. Have a great time. You know your Dad would want you to.

As for the bike riding - you can take a break for now! The bike isn't going to go anywhere. It'll be waiting for you whenever you feel ready to try it again. For myself, I now see life as being too short and too uncertain. We only have so much time and I won't back off on something I love as much as biking. For me, the risks are worth it. But you've got to find the level of risk that YOU are comfortable with.

((((((((((())))))))))))) and blessings,

annie