Oh Emily... anything I want to write I think has been said

I am so glad Biker chick outlined the stages of grief for you... I teach bereavement and its effects on children to my students. I think that one thing I could add here is that grief is not just about death.

Your father's passing (((hugs))) comes on top of a long period of you grieving for your cycling and your body as you knew it as your pelvis mended and you strived to find confidence again.

Now you are choosing a descision that will have you grieving again, for more than your lovely Dad.

Be gentle with yourself, take time, allow yourself time to be angry and depressed, to blame and to be glad...

I have thought for some time about you wishing to still have contact with your father... sometimes we look so hard it is hard to see or feel the ones we love, and it may be it will be years before your sense him with you.

Look at the children in your lives... do any of them look past you, over your shoulder perhaps? and seem to be seeing someone there? I know several children that do this, and the ones old enough to speak talk about family members just standing there, smiling... children see things that we forget how to see as adults...

Talk about your father, even if that means tears with your memories, as long as people live in your heart they are with you. All of my children know my Nana and Poppa well even though he died before I married and she died before my oldest turned 5. And I still cry sometimes. They all know the two babies I lost before term... it is important that we help them to live in our lives even though this is hard sometimes...

Perhaps you can find quiet places that were special to him or you or both of you... spend time just being there, not seeking anything, just being...

And don't forget you will see him in the eyes and smiles of your children and grandchild... he will always be with all of you as long as you wish him to be, even though he is not so easy to feel or hear now...

Arohanui, Emily
Kia kaha, kia manawanui
Awhi-awhi ki a koe


Much love
Be strong, be of good heart and have faith in yourself
Many hugs and support for you


I shall ask the Goddess to hold your heart gently in Her hands, and keep you safe and strong.