oh Em - now I understand why you've been in my thoughts lately. Either last night or the night before during my ride home I realized I hadn't seen you in awhile and was starting to worry. I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. A sudden loss is always the most difficult to bear. I can only imagine how special he must have been, having had the pleasure of meeting his daughter - even if it is only online!
I also understand your concerns about riding, there are days when I think I can't take the traffic anymore, or the idiots drivers that don't - or won't - see me, days where I wonder why I'm doing this when I could be doing something else, but they are outweighed by the days where I can't tell where my legs stop and the bike starts, days where the beauty of the world is so overwhelming I thank God I'm alive to see it, days where I wonder "just how Does the other half live?". No matter what your decision, I"m sure it will be the right one for you, just don't let THEM make it for you.