Taking a break for awhile...(warning: long and sad)

[crazycanuck]

Emily, I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I can only say you'll be in my thoughts as i bike later on today.

In regards to taking time away from biking, it's understandable with the roads in your area. Remember we can cycle for you.

c

[Jo-n-NY]

Emily, I am so sorry to hear of your loss although words are not much of a consolation. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

I can really understand about you being nervous about getting on the bike. So am I. Although it was bad road that caused me to fall, I hate more than ever riding in traffic. I have already told my husband and my girlfriend that when I get back to riding with them, it must be on roads with hardly any cars. I just got back to driving last week and I am a nervous nelly even driving.

I know I will get back on the bike with my little group because I would be miserable if they rode and I stayed home, but it will be a slow cautious start. Maybe for you also.

Take one day at a time. This for sure has been a tough year for you.

JoAnn

[gilly]

Dearest Emily

You have been such an inspiration to me. I am such a scaredy cat about many things while out cycling, your attitide towards your accident and recovery was so refreshing and brave, I found myself thinking of you while I was riding, and scorning myself not to be such a wimp And it worked, thank you.

I am so sorry to hear of the sudden death of your Father, it's hard, I know. And right now you're feeling vulnerable all round. Take it easy on yourself, do what you want to do, and what you want to do may change on a daily basis.


Gilly
x

[BikeMomma]

Emily -

I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your father and the pain and despair that you're feeling. I can't begin to understand the whole of what you're experiencing completely, but recent events in my own life have given me a new perspective in the way I see the world, and maybe it might help you, too.

I haven't lost my father to death yet, but when I was 12, I lost him to life. What I mean by that is that he had (and still has) sometimes severe bi-polar disorder and paranoia that made my mother's life a living hell. After they divorced and even after she remarried, he would come and bang on the door at all hours of the night, screaming and yelling irrationally and stalking us inside our own home. She was forced to file a restraining order against him - my own father - which ended our relationship. He moved all the way across the country to Maine and floundered.

What I'm leading up to is that, due to those terrible memories, not understanding hiis mental diseases, and the distance between us, I pretty much moved him to the back of my mind and moved on with life. Back in July, though, that all changed. I got a shocking letter saying that he very nearly died. Upon reading the letter, I realized that I almost nearly lost my father for good and that I would never have a chance to see him again, ever. This spurred me to go see him recently, and I'm overjoyed to say that I have my father back in my life again. There is still the distance, but I made that connection with him that I have needed all my life, and it has instilled a new sortof peace in me. And so now whenever he does pass, I'll know one simple fact - that he loves me, and has always.

Emily, you are so lucky to have had such a special father in your life. That strong of a bond does not go away with his passing, terrible as it was. He will be with you forever, you just have to let him stay. I hope you understand what I mean.

As far as the biking, the other girls here are right on. Give it time and don't force it. But, also - you can't let that fear rule your mind.

This week has been difficult for me, as well. One of the nicest guys that I ride with crashed terribly on his lunchtime ride on Monday. I thought of you almost immediately when I heard what made him crash...it was a dog. But you know, just like you, this guy inspires me to no end. His injuries nearly killed him - I won't go into details here, but as he lays in his hospital bed this very minute, he is absolutely pining to get out there on his bike. It's love for the the bike, epitomized. There's just no stopping him. It's made me think about why we ride -- because we just love to. We accept the risks and what can happen, and we go out there and don't let it beat us. And if it does, so be it. That's what was meant to be -- at least those cyclists that you named were doing what they loved to do when they passed on. God, I can only hope I go the same way....doing something that I love to do.

So Em -- I speak for myself and probably the others in saying, do what you need to do to make your peace, but don't worry about us out there, or yourself, if that's what you love to do. If you love the bike as much as I think you do, you'll be back. See ya back on the road, girlfriend - this time with your Dad on your shoulder.

-BikeMomma