Emily, I am so, so sorry to hear of the loss of your dad. No amount of words can console the pain you must be feeling. My heart goes out to you.
It seems that you are in one of those phases in life that don't make sense. When every force seems to be against you. Hang in there kiddo! It WILL get better.
I know how uncaring car drivers can be. Cycling is a risky sport, especially when we don't have designated bike tracks like they do in some parts of Europe. Where I live we're lucky to have a painted line on the road to "keep us safe" from cars. I would be sad to hear that you've given up riding,but ultimately the choice can only be yours. Listen to that wonderful inner voice to guide you. This has always proven to be my best protection. I was knocked off my bike by a truck about 1 year ago. Luckily no other cars were coming along the adjacent lane & I was shaken, but not injured. The bike needed a bit of work only.
I extend support & love your way. I hope it's not too long before life is looking rosier for you. Love & hugs, Yasmin.xxx