LOL.
All the floor pumps I've ever owned are only a couple of feet tall, so pumping them involves squatting as well as pressing with the arms.
Speed comes from what you put behind you. - Judi Ketteler
It's possible the pump is defective but it sounds to me like the pump head is just not seated correctly on the valve stem. Take it to your bike shop or some other knowledgeable bicycle person and have them watch you do it so you can figure out what is wrong. No point in struggling with what should be a simple task. Let us know how you make out.