girl roles-playing princess, etc.

[lph]

I wouldn't worry too much about the role-playing or the clothes - they probably mean something quite different to a small girl (maybe a dream of being magically elevated above everything mundane and boring) - but I would put a little effort into exploring her values and ideas, listening to them, and challenging them if necessary at the right age. And making ones own values clear, of course.

We tried to delay our son's exposure to realistic war toys, but never forbade them. So he's run around and "killed" people like every small boy, but I also made it very clear that I did not want him pointing anything gunlike at me, because it made me uncomfortable. Because people really do die that way, and I did not want to play at that particular game.

To each their own sensibilities. There are things I wouldn't let my son (or daughter if I had one) wear, but that would be because they didn't understand the message it gave to the rest of society.

[Aggie_Ama]

My nieces like princess stuff and anything pink or purple. They also like camping, fishing, making mudpies, getting gross on the ranch. The only thing I refuse to buy is the Hannah Montana stuff because I think it is a bit old for them (4&6). I like to get educational toys but I also believe dolls promote imagination, every play time my Barbies were in some mini-story I made up. In my opinion it all has some benefit.

[limewave]

I have an almost 4yo dd. We tried to keep her away from the Princess stuff after seeing our neice go through that phase. But somehow dd ended up with a wardrobe of princess dresses, princess shoes, princess purses, princess everything (thank to grandma and grandpa who have declared "there are no rules in their house!").

It bothered DH but I didn't really see the harm. Until . . .

She started getting a prissy princess attitude. And it was BAD. We took all of her princess things away and stashed them in the attic. We told her when she could start behaving like a "real" princess, she could have them back.

Now we talk alot about the characteristics of a princess: kind, uses her manners, thinks of others before herself, etc.

We have not given her princess dresses back yet. But we do get dressed up in pretty dresses. We practice having royal tea parties and go to the ball. It's all fun and fantasy, but we also learn proper ettiquette. DD doesn't even ask about her princess stuff anymore.

DD has a much better attitude. We are surprising her with a trip to Disney World this winter and doing the Princess Tea Party We even plan on giving her back one of her princess dresses She's earned it.

[limewave]

By the way, Princess Parties are VERY popular. It's almost impossible to avoid the Disney Princess franchise. I keep thinking we should move to the country and become Amish.

[Pax]

I'd be fascinated to see how a little kid would grow up if they weren't exposed to non-stop 24/7 marketing.

[tulip]

I was not allowed to have Barbies, so I went over to my friends to play with hers.

The Barbie itself did not have a negative effect on me. What did, however, is the still present curse of disapproval--the things that I valued as a child were disapproved of by my parents. As a child, that translated into them disapproving of me.

I hope your brother just lets his daughter be.

[OakLeaf]

What did, however, is the still present curse of disapproval--the things that I valued as a child were disapproved of by my parents. As a child, that translated into them disapproving of me.

YES!!!! And, their disapproving of my peers, and my learning to ape that disapproval. A constant bizarre dialectic of "I'm so much better than them" and "I'm completely worthless."

[channlluv]

When my daughter was four, someone gave her her first Barbie. She took her out of the box, played with her long, blonde hair a bit, fluffed up the party dress, looked at her pump-ready feet and then looked at me and said, "Mommy, her feets broke."

That was the end of her interest in Barbie.


Roxy

[GLC1968]

I was not allowed to have Barbies, so I went over to my friends to play with hers.

The Barbie itself did not have a negative effect on me. What did, however, is the still present curse of disapproval--the things that I valued as a child were disapproved of by my parents. As a child, that translated into them disapproving of me.

I hope your brother just lets his daughter be.

Yes! My best friend growing up had this same problem. She used to hang out at our house because we 'could do anything we wanted'...(sort of!) and would dread when it was time to go home. Even as a small child, that seemed wrong to me.

[Tuckervill]

I guess the present-day equivalent is home schooling.

No, it's not. Homeschooling does not equal social, cultural, religious, ethnic or any other kind of isolation. There are as many different types of homeschoolers as there are people who send their kids to brick-and-mortar school. Please do not perpetuate that stereotype.

I'm visiting out of town and don't have easy internet access, so I may or may not be able to post in this thread again. This explains my rather direct reply.

Karen

[sarahspins]

I haven't read all of the replies, but I think kids will be what they want to be... regardless of influence from parents. I am so not a girly girl... but my 4 year old however, yikes... she is totally girly. She tells me she wants to be a ballerina (she's never taken dance classes) and she LOVES shopping for all manner of girly things (I hate shopping). It's rediculous almost... she loves dolls and ponies and dress up all kinds of things that I just don't "get" because I was just never interested in them as a kid (I was a serious tom boy, as was my sister).

Where does this come from? I have NO idea. I think it's cute, and I do think on some sort of level I may encourage it because it is cute, but on the flip side, she's just as at home playing with toy cars and legos... or going out and getting dirty in the yard, and my boys are just as at home playing tea party with her or playing with otherwise "girly" things.. because I try not to push much gender-bias on any of them and nothing really has a "label" attached to it - if it's fun, imaginative play, it's fair game in this house

[e.e.cummings]

lph, it sounds like we have gone through the same thing - I tried so hard to limit my son's exposure to 'war-like' toys, tv and activities, however, you could go for a walk in the park and he would pick up a stick and he and his friends would be playing 'cops and robbers', pretending it was a gun. Are they hard-wired? Probably the same on the girls side. I grew up with my barbies, loved them, and I don't think it did any harm. To echo Tulip's sentiment, when the parents disapprove of an activity, it can often come off as disapproval of the child. It say let her be.