Puzzling death circumstances in a family

[witeowl]

So not asking why someone died on my part is mostly a - okay, someone's intimate medical details are not my business unless they volunteer it, and that's just often times a painful topic... I just find it's better to let people talk, because people do want to talk about their deceased love one...

All true. I never meant to imply that one should ask such questions. I just meant to explain that it's somewhat human to do so. My point was, "Here is why some of us can appear insensitive when we really just care," and was definitely not, "We should all be insensitive to prove we care."

I agree that the alternatives given in many posts here (primarily simply offering condolences) are what we should all aspire for.

[andtckrtoo]

Honestly, I think you're reading too much in to this. If someone close to me ended up committing suicide and I wanted to hide it, I could come up with a much more direct and believable cause of death than Alzheimers/pneumonia especially for someone under 55. Simply saying he died of a heart attack would do it.

I would not be surprised if the hush hush part is due to the Alzheimers. Mental illness (even though Alzheimers is not really defined as a mental illness) has a stigma attached, still. Especially at such a young age. I'm watching my second older friend go through it (the first one passed away at the age of 77), and it's absolutely heartbreaking. My friend now is 83 and has lived a wonderful life, but her husband, who is the sweetest guy I know, is 86 and fit as a fiddle (goes to the gym daily) and he's bewildered and lost with her going through this. I could not imagine how horrible it would be to see someone in his prime lose himself in this way. Maybe she just cannot bare to be reminded right now.